A Voyage Within Qalb

Chapter 20: Gatekeeper Of All Hearts

13th August, 2020

Abu Musa narrated that the Messenger of Allah said: "There is no marriage except with a Wali." Reference: Tirmidhi

Chapter 20:

Gatekeeper Of All Hearts

Laeeq was breathing heavily as he got out of his car at 5:56 PM in the basement parking of the hospital. If anyone saw the way he banged his car door shut, they'd probably mistake his hurry as being someone who made sure he reached work on time. But as he ran towards the lift, his mind was in overdrive, thinking about the consequences of Leila listening to that recording.

Just as he reached the administration office where Leila's desk was sitting, he breathed a sigh of relief as he saw her. She was waving goodbye to her colleague, and looked towards him confusedly as he finally reached before her.

"Assalam Alaykum, doctor." She spoke.

"Wa Alaykum Assalam, you--"

"I was just leaving." She replied.

"One second, wait." Laeeq said, halting her.

"Yeah?"

"Uhhh... This is a little awkward, but I was wondering if you got a message yesterday." He stuttered. "I mean, you obviously did. But, that was a mistake so I was hoping you haven't opened it. It wasn't meant for you, I mean, it was but-- Um, I sent that by accident--"

"It's okay, I'll delete it." Leila said, laughing a little.

"Oh." Laeeq froze. "Oh. Okay."

"Yeah, don't worry about it." Leila nodded.

"Thank you, I mean, sorry." Laeeq realised how bad he really was at expressing what he felt.

"Goodbye, doctor Laeeq." She said firmly before shaking her head.

"Okay, bye." He said, as she disappeared out of the door.

Well, that was easy. He thought to himself as he walked towards the staff room. Why did it sound so hard in my head?

He was glad she hadn't listened to it yet, and more than that, he was glad her heart was protected by the gatekeeper of all hearts. Even if it was from him, as much as that hurt him. He was at peace with his past, perhaps in an over-the-top way, for he feared the repetition of history. He wondered why it seemed to bother him so much that she'd find out things about him he had buried. He cared how she thought of him, but it had only been a few months since he'd known Leila.

His paranoia was valid, but he hoped he wasn't deluding himself about the way fate works.

He wouldn't be able to bear a story like Samir, and for that, he needed to work on his timing.

And trust the gatekeeper of all hearts.

***

As for Samir, he was walking past Fatima every day with great difficulty. He almost thought she had forgotten about his proposal as she showed absolutely no interest in him whatsoever. Even when Laeeq had a discussion with the two of them about their head of department, she had not looked towards him once. Not even mistakenly. She had all means of contacting him, he was sure she had his number saved in her phone too. But there hadn't been a single prompt of a conversation from her.

It was always him. He almost wished his heart would stop making him go back to her just to get hurt. Or perhaps he had been stepping overboard with his glances. All in all, all his hopes had faded into nothingness.