A Voyage Within Qalb

Chapter 15: Breaking Through Anger

29th May, 2020

Narrated Abu Huraira: A man said to the Prophet (ﷺ), "Advise me! "The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Do not become angry and furious." The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet (ﷺ) said in each case, "Do not become angry and furious." (Bukhaari)

Chapter 15:

Breaking Through Anger

Fatima smiled, looking at her tattered copy of the Qur'an, knowing how blessed she was for His Words to reside in her heart. She was a hafidh for almost fifteen years, yet she couldn't forget those moments when she used to cry out of sadness when it became too hard. She couldn't forget how she clutched her copy of the Qur'an every last third of the night, when everyone slept, wishing for the words to lighten her soul.

Nobody knew it, not even Samir. And she wondered for the hundredth time what his reaction would be if she told him. Now that she was thinking in daylight, the istikhaara prayer showed her the only way to happiness; accepting Samir's proposal. But still, there were many things he did not know about her, she wondered if they mattered as much as the importance she was giving them.

After all, his love for me isn't a simple one. She thought. It goes above the skies, it spreads as far and wide as the vast lands of Jannah.

She knew that. But above all of that, she couldn't help but wonder if they really were compatible. Perhaps it was the part of her brain which had seen too much reality that was speaking. But she believed him, so much so that she wondered if she was doing it right. He would take care of her like he had done for so many years, he was a careful person. But something he had once revealed left her worried, more for him than for herself...

"Samir?" Fatima looked towards him.

"Hmm?" He replied, popping a jamun plum in his mouth.

Fatima halted, the look on his eleven-year-old face making shadows in the sun. She wondered if she had the authority to ask him a question she had forever been curious about.

"What, Fatima?" He prompted her, as she looked around nervously.

"Promise me you won't get mad." She uttered, making him raise an eyebrow.

"Okay, I promise." He said anyway, then chuckled at her apparent relief.

"How did your parents die?" She asked.

"Aah..." He sighed, leaning back against the large tree. She couldn't see any trace of anger, only remorse, or perhaps sadness. "I was waiting for you to ask me that."

"Really?" She almost smiled. "You can tell me without me asking too, you know?"

"Yeah, but this is different." He shrugged. "I could've been long dead with them, then I'd never know you and you'd never know me." He felt a little guilty at the expression on her face. "I mean, I didn't want to think about not knowing you."

"I don't know what I'd do without you." She declared, a little aghast at the idea.

He laughed, suddenly wondering what the texture of her brownish-black hair was. It looked splendid in the sun, not to mention how the breeze seemed to make her ponytail sway back and forth gently. Like a boat out on a calm lake, voyaging with the waves within his heart.

"So how did they die?" She asked again, adamant on getting an answer.

"It was the night of the first of Ramadhan, we finished taraweeh and went to sleep." Samir started. "I was five, it was going to be the first Ramadhan I would be fasting... but nothing happened like how I planned it..."