Trying Not To Love You

Trying Not To Love You (11)

                Dinner that night at Hayden's house was awkward, I should say, with Quinn there. I mean, why wouldn't it be awkward if you have your baby girl there and wasn't under your care anymore? She was guarded by the boy's mom I despised the most. Anyways, that night she kept staring at me with those big blue eyes that she had inherited from me while she ate her small meal.

                When it was time to leave, I could feel my heart shattering into a million pieces as I took a peek at Quinn. She was all snug in her blanket that she was currently trying to rewrap onto her shoulders. As Hayden went to take a little trip before he would drive me back home, I scurried over to Quinn and hugged her into my arms, ignoring the pain that shot up them. I tucked her head under my neck, rocking her back and forth. It was a good thing that no one was around at the time or else I would’ve been embarrassed for looking like a monster but a hold a baby in a gentle way. When I heard the toilet flush, I stroked Quinn’s curly hair and planted a kiss on her forehead before setting her back down on the couch in front of the television.

                Hayden had come out a moment later just as I made it back to the front door where he left me standing to take a quick pee. He kindly handed me my coat and helped me slip it on my shoulder, grabbing my crutches and leading me out of the front door. He led me towards his car and put my crutches in the backseat like he did when he drove me to his house from school. The car ride was silent like they usually were. Every now and then I would catch him sneaking small glances at me from the corner of my eye, but he was probably looking at my panda bear eyes that Jessica has commented on earlier, right?

                Not so ironically, when Hayden helped me up our porch steps and I could sense my mom’s presence in the window. Hayden gave me his usual smile before heading off the porch steps and driving away. I remember opening the front door and being greeted by my mother with a suspicious look on her face.

                “So you were with Hayden again?” Mom asked me, her hands on her hips. She tried to keep a stern look on her face.

                “Yeah, his mom invited me to dinner,” I explain, trying to avoid her annoying gaze. It was really creeping me out right now, the look on her face. “I didn’t expect you’d be all hung up about it.” She was never bothered on any of my inappropriate actions, apart from for the one involving Quinn and my smoking habits. Besides that, I was as free as a bird.

                “I’m not,” she reassures with a quirky smile on her face. “So are you sure you and Hayden aren’t dating?”

                “Mom, shut up. Me and Hayden aren’t dating. I’m not going to rush into a relationship like that because my last boyfriend got me pregnant,” I tell her, hopping up the stairs with one foot. “So you don’t have to worry about my love life. I’m not going to fall for anyone.” I said once I was at the top of the stairs.

                “That’s because you already did. You’ve been acting a little softer lately.” Mom smirks at me, looking up at from her level.

                Had I? I think for a moment, wondering if I felt one of those sparks that people always say they feel when they’re in love. Nope, not one with Hayden because I know that he’s just some preppy dude. Maybe he’s just trying to act all happy and joyful to get into my pants again. A lot of guys do that these days… and I hate it with all my heart. “No, I haven’t mom. He’s just using me to get into my pants again.”

                “And how do you know that?” she asks from downstairs, but I was already in my room.

                “Because all guys do that.” I say, my voice slightly cracking. I shut my bedroom door and collapse onto my bed, running my hands through my hair.