Losing Faith (Hurt and confused)

Chapter Four

The next day, the first two periods flew by fast. Now it was 3rd period, History. We went into the classroom and Mr. Kent took roll.

"Ok. Now that we got that taken care of, let's go to the library. Take all your things. We will be spending the rest of the period there." Mr. Kent said. So we all headed to the library. Of course Caroline and her friends took the computers right away. I looked for Cade. He was at a computer and talking to Caroline, so I figured I wouldn't bother them. I'd just use the encyclopedias and write important things down. Then compare my notes with Cade. 

I grabbed the "R" encyclopedia and started looking up Romania. I jotted some notes down. I heard Caroline's obnoxious laugh. "Caroline." Mr. Kent said. "Sorry Mr. Kent." She said, but I knew she wasn't. She looked to me and just laughed. I knew she must of asked Cade who his partner was. She was probably feeling sorry for Cade. She didn't like me at all, even though I have no clue why. I never did anything to her.

I finished using the encyclopedia and looked over my notes. I put the encyclopedia away. I was hoping Cade came over soon, so we could go over notes, but as of yet, he hadn't come over. I just pulled out my phone and researched Romania. I jotted a few more notes down. Then on a clean sheet of paper, I started working on the notes and putting them in order and making it sound like a travel guide. I figured I'd start and then Cade can go from there. Also add in any notes he has that I don't.

I finished and Cade still hadn't come over and class was almost over. I saw him over talking to his friends. I was angry that he spent time with them over helping me. 

'Maybe I won't give him my notes.' I thought, ' Let him do it on his own and talk to Mr. Kent.' I put my stuff away. I looked and saw Mr. Kent talking to Cade and Cade looked over at me, but I quickly looked into my backpack like I was looking for something and not staring at them. 

The bell rang and I headed to English. "So how was History?" Caitlin asked. "Boring! I mean I researched Romania by myself. I'm not sure what Cade did. He was on the computer basically talking to Caroline and his friends the whole time." I said. "Seriously? He didn't help you at all?" Caitlin asked. "No." I said. "What a jerk!" Caitlin said. I laughed. 

Class started and we had to be quiet. Today we were working on vocabulary words.

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"Where is everyone?" Erik asked when Caitlin and I sat at our table at lunch. "Cole, Jake and Shawn are at band practice. They have a competition Saturday." Caitlin replied. "Oh cool." Said Erik, "So how's everyone's day going?" "Good." I said. "Mine is great. Damon and I talked alot and are going out this weekend." Caitlin exclaimed happily. "Oh wow. That's great." Said Erik, clapping his hands. Erik was 5'7" and had blondish brown hair and hazel eyes. He was also gay and very hilarious. He can make anyone laugh, no matter how bad of a day they were having. He was friends with practically everyone. I was about to talk about my History project when I saw someone sit down next to Caitlin. It was Damon. He had jet black hair and dark brown eyes. He gave Caitlin a kiss and never acknowledged Erik or I. He just started talking to Caitlin. 

"And what are we... invisible?" Erik asked. I laughed. Caitlin and Damon didn't even pay attention. "Apparently so." I answered, "Um, Caitlin... there's a spider dangling above your head." Erik looked and then got it. I was just trying to get Caitlin's attention. Still they ignored us. So Erik moved his fingers on Caitlin's arm. I giggled. 

She jerked her arm. "What the hell?" She asked. We just laughed. "What?!" She demanded. "Now look who's finally paying attention to us." Erik said. "What?" Asked Caitlin. "There's an echo in here." I said, "At least only for Caitlin." Erik and I laughed. Damon looked confused and Caitlin  looked pissed. "I'm sorry, but I was trying to talk to you  until Damon showed up. As soon as he showed up, it's like we're not even at the same table." I explained. "So what? I'm not allowed to talk to Damon?" She asked, "Least I can talk to Damon!" "Oh, that was cold." Erik said. We both knew she was talking about me and not able to talk to Cade. "That was downright mean." I Said, "And of course you can talk to Damon, but don't ignore your friends in the process." "I don't need your permission. I can talk to who I want." Caitlin said. " Of course, but again...don't ignore your friends over a guy." Said Erik. "Oh come on. Its one period. We talk the rest of the day. I don't get to see Damon much." Caitlin said. "Whatever." I mumbled. She just told us she talked to Damon alot when Erik asked us about our day. She's such a liar, but not going to bring it up and start something. "Gosh! You two are such freaking D.U.F.F.s!" She yelled. I knew what that meant and suddenly felt tears. I couldn't believe Caitlin was acting this way. Erik quickly got up and pulled on my arm. "Not here." He said. So I got up and followed him out to the hall. We headed to a door and went up the stairs to the roof. Up here, in Spring was a little flower garden and vegetable plants. We come up here some days in Horticulture. But right now it was dead because of it being winter. Even if today felt like Spring again. 

I slumped down and pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them and just let the tears fall. Erik sat next to me and pulled me into a side hug. He rubbed my back. "Its ok. You're nobody's D.U.F.F.  You are not a D.U.F.F. I mean. Don't listen to Caitlin. She doesn't know what she is talking about."  Erik was saying to comfort me. "But...but why would she say that?" I said through my tears. "I don't know." Said Erik, "She's just jealous because you're prettier than her." I laughed humorlessly. "That's why she has Damon." I said. "Doesn't make her prettier. Just means she's easier to talk to and date. But believed me, I may be gay, but I know what I am talking about. You are much prettier than her." Erik answered. "Thanks." I said. I wiped my eyes. Erik ran back inside and got me some paper towels. "Thanks." I said and blew my nose. Then threw the paper towels away in the garbage. 

We just sat there in silence. It was nice. Then we heard the bell ring. "I really don't want to go to homeroom." I said. Caitlin was in my homeroom too. "Ok. Let's stay here." Erik said. So I stayed up on the roof with Erik. I closed my eyes and let the sun warm my face. Erik was quiet, so I looked to him and saw he had his eyes closed. So I closed mine again. 

It was so nice out and warm, but I knew this weather wouldn't last. After all, we are in Pennsylvania and the weather is so unpredictable. 

Soon we heard the bell ring again.  "Ugh!" I groaned. Erik laughed. "Come on, it'll be fine." He said. So we both got up and headed back to the school. I went to the bathroom quick and then washed my face. Hopefully my eyes weren't too puffy. Erik was still waiting. We walked to his locker and then mine. 

"It'll be ok." He said, "Just ignore her." "Ok." I said, smiling to him. He smiled back. He headed off to History as I went to art. 

"Ok. Today is a day to paint your emotions. It could be of someone who makes you happy, a place that makes you happy, a place that makes you happy, anything." Said Mrs. Matthews.

I got a blank canvas and just sat there. I was trying to decide how I was feeling. I was sad, but also angry. I splattered some blue paint on the canvas, then red. It made me feel better, but I knew it wouldn't be what Mrs. Matthews was looking for. Then an idea hit me. I started painting and kept going. 

By the time Mrs. Matthews called for clean up, I was done. I smiled at my work. I got up and cleaned my brushes.

"Mandi." Mrs. Matthews yelled when the bell rang. I waited until everyone left and then walked up to Mrs. Matthews desk. "Yes?" I asked, curious. "Your art work. I saw it at the beginning with the red and blue." She started. "Yeah. I was being sad and blue. Then red and angry. But then I got an idea and painted. Now I feel much better." I replied. "Well, that's great. I'm glad you feel better." She said, "And your work is excellent." "Thanks." I said. "You're welcome." She said. 

I gathered out into the hall and smiled to myself. Mrs. Matthews liked my work.