No One Else Like You

(27) Shock

 

We were done with dinner. He chose a small, quaint restaurant which was not too crowdy so I liked that. The food was marvellous though. The restaurant was situated lake side and Aman asked me if I wanted to walk around a little bit before we head home.

"Have you thought of names?" I asked him.

"No, not yet. My concentration is now on not letting anything go wrong again," he said. Even I was scared everyday about having another miscarriage. But my doctor assured me that it won't happen this time. I had very frequent check ups so that I was being watched carefully.

The first time Aman proposed to me was on a date like this only. Like a typical girl, I was expecting a grand or a terribly romantic proposal. So when during dinner he asked me whether I thought we should be getting married now that both of us are settled in our jobs, it made me tad disappointed.

Or maybe a lot. During dinner, I smiled and said yes. Because what would I have said instead ? No, I don't want to marry you? Because obviously, I did. Then he smiled and said, guess we should be talking to the parents now.

So, I realised. That's it. No proposal or a sweet romantic gesture. Nothing.

How can you blame me? Everybody likes feeling special and movies and Taylor swift songs kind of create high expectations in you.

The next four days, I pretended everything was normal but one day, I just couldn't take it anymore. Especially since he started the marriage conversation.

I was at his place for the weekend and he was preparing popcorn because we were going to sit down and watch a late night movie. I was in the kitchen with him playing a game on my phone when he asked.

"So did you tell your mom?" he asked.

"Uh..no, not yet," I replied and my mood suddenly became really sour.

He looked at me for a second but the his smiled. "Good, you didn't. We should be telling her together. I was thinking of a January wedding? It's June right now, so this gives enough time for preparation. Or is it too early?"

"Right," I replied. "Anything you want."

"What's wrong with you? You don't seem a least bit interested. And can you keep your phone when I am talking to you?" He said looking irritated.

I kept my phone aside. "Nothing's wrong with me."

"Mira, please. What's wrong?"

" I thought.. getting married would be a great deal for us.  A huge moment in our lives. Now it feels like, 'hey, you and I have been together for five years now and it just seems logical that we get married',"

"What made you feel that way Mira?"

"Look at the way you asked me to marry you. Almost like it's a task."

"Oh."

"Maybe, now is not the time for us to get married."

He looked at me and I knew that expression. He was disappointed at me.

I didn't like what was coming out of my mouth. But this is why I don't talk when I am upset. I know I will say something that could cause a rift between us.

"You are not going to marry me just because I did not bend down on my knees with a ring? Guess what, I am never going to do that. So if you want to marry me  then suck it up and do it because what you are expecting is not going to happen."

"That's not what I am expecting and you are being extremely rude right now."

He didn't say anything and walked out of the kitchen.

I got out, looking for my handbag and opened up the Uber cab to go home. As I was looking for it, he came up to me.

"What do you think you are doing?" he asked rather sternly.

"I should be going home..," I said. "I am in a bad mood and you are angry. What will I do here?"

"Seriously, why do you just always run away when the situation gets tough? You are not going anywhere," he said and took my phone away from me.

I sat down on the couch, sighing. I really did not know what to say or talk about.

"Mira..," Aman began. "What are you thinking?"

"Blank."

"Look, sorry about saying that you should suck it up and get married. That was out of line."

"Its fine. I made you angry," i said looking down on the floor and not meeting his eyes.  

He sat on the coffee table, trying to get closer to me. "Will you just look at me?"

I did.

"But how can you say that I want to marry because I have been with you for five years ? Do you ever look at the situation from my perspective?  Maybe we have been together for so long because I love being with you and the reason, I want to marry you is because I want to continue being with you? But in a bigger, better way. With you not staying with me just for the weekends but always."

"Okay." I said and tried to smile.

"And if you want to talk about being logical Mira, then tell me, is it logical when I take a two hour long drive just to see you for ten minutes because I haven't seen you for so long? Or is it logical when I watch the kind of movies I don't even like just to make you happy ? Is it logical that I hate it when you go out with your guy friends but I let you because I don't want to upset you ? Is it logical that even after spending five years with  you and knowing you completely​, I still feel like everyday is an adventure?  That everytime I am angry at something you did, I am completely fine after seeing your face and can't help but forgive  you? Is it logical that I get jealous over little things even though you have been with me for so long? Logical that you are the only woman I can imagine to be intimate with? I can go on and on if I want to. When will you realize what you mean to me? My silly  girl."

Dammit. There are times when he is so clueless and doesn't even know what to say and then there are times when he makes me speechless.

I kissed him and he kissed me back but he wasn't done.

"I want to marry you because five years with you isn't enough. I want to marry you because I want to wake up to your face every morning. I want to marry you because I don't want anyone else and I am not letting you go to anyone else. Is that clear?"

"Crystal."

Well, I was almost on the verge of tears. I felt so stupid. I told him that we shouldn't get married just because he missed one romantic gesture. Completely forgetting the wonderful five years he gave me. In those span of five years he had given me countless surprises, gestures and what not. Including the most beautiful words right now and even better actions proving his love for me. He had always taken care of me, been with me even when I was hard to be with and even when I was at my best. He had been with me through all my troubles and good times.

So just because he didn't do what the movies say, I told him to not get married. What kind of a pathetic idiot was I? He knew I didn't mean it but still.

"Why would marry  me? I am not easy to be with..not the most attractive..I am an overthinker..I say nonsense from time to time..,"

He shut me up with a kiss on my lips. "Shut up, Mira. Stop demotivating yourself. You are the best thing to happen to me and ..most importantly...there is no one else like you."

Now a happy tear escaped my eye. "There is no one else like you either."

Remembering that day, at the moment walking with him lakeside, there is nothing more I regret than choosing to divorce. I wish I had chosen a different path.

"Where are you lost?" He asked me. I didn't notice that by now we were in the parking lot.

"Just thinking..of how..I wish I didn't ask you to divorce me."

"Yeah. That was a mistake," he and paused. Two minutes later he said, "good thing then that we are not divorced."

"What?" I asked shell shocked.

**