Attack On Titan Preferences

~ I'm Sorry - Armin (Special) Part 2 ~

*Armin's POV*

It hurts, everything, my heart, my body. I feel numb like I'm on the verge of tears constantly. I lost Y/N, and it's all my fault, all I can go is lie in bed, looking at the same spot Y/N used to lay every night.

She used to tell me how tomorrow will be better, and to keep living for the kids, for Rose, Brishen, Kia and Marco, I loved them with everything I had, but it was like my body was forcing me to lay in bed, and cry myself to sleep every night. 

The sun shined through the window, shining onto the spot where Y/N laid every morning, where she would be waiting for me to wake up, I would wake up every morning to her smiling or snoring. 

I haven't gotten out of bed for days, probably 3 now, haven't eaten, spoken, or barely even slept.

I just sit there, tears streaming down my face and falling into my palms.

"Daddy" I hear a voice say, I turn to the door and see the doors open a little and seeing Rose and Brishen both standing there, peeking their heads into the door a little, seeming hesitant to talk to come into the room and talk to me.

I just look at them for 10 seconds, Rose looked exactly like Y/N, it hurt looking at them, all I wanted was to hold Y/N again, tell her how much I loved her and how beautiful she was, I wanted to read to her again, and I wanted her to sing to me and play her guitar again. 

But all I have left are the memories of her, of her beauty.

I used all the strength in my body to get up and walk over to the door, I was weak, tired, hungry, I felt my legs shaking beneath me, walking like I was drunk. 

I make it to the door and fall to my knees, right in front of Brishen and Rose.

I look up at them, for a second we stare at each other, but before I know it, Rose and Brishen attack me with a hug and start crying on my shoulder. I hug them back tightly, crying with them.

"I'll never let anything hurt you both, and Kia and Marco," I say whispering to them. "I love you four so much, I'm not losing you as well"

"It's okay, we're here for you Daddy" Rose says, in the middle of cries.

I look up and see Eren, Mikasa and Hanji standing there leaning against the wall, Eren looking completely heart broken, but hiding it, while Mikasa was crying, but covering her face with the scarf, and Hanji fully crying. 

I give them a weak smile, Eren staring at me, his eyes watery, and clearly visible bags under his eyes. 

I put my arms out to Mikasa, Eren and Hanji, telling them to come into the hug, Eren looks at me confused for a second.

I let go of the hug with Rose and Brishen and walk over to Eren, he is still looking at me confused, still trying to hide his emotions.

"Come here you barstard," I say, putting my hands out for a hug, without a second thought, he falls into my arms and cries on my shoulder.

Normally it would be the other way around, i would be crying into erens arms, but its good to finally comfort him, after all hes my best friend and always will be.

Mikasa and Hanji also join in on the hug, hugging us all tightly, suddenly I felt complete, not as sad anymore.

I felt as if Y/N was talking to me and comforting me. My sadness was completely gone and im filled with a happy feeling.

I no longer wanted to cry, i wanted to celebrate her life, not dwell on it, that's what she would have wanted, and i want what she wants.

-

To Y/N

It's been a year since you've past, not going to lie, I miss you everyday, i miss your smile, your laugh, the way you would always make me happy and care for me.

But this is meant to be a positive letter, so here we are.

Rose still looks exactly like you and is gonna join the scouts, much to my disgust but im not going to stop her from doing what she wanted to do, she said she wanted to be like her mother and honestly that completely warms my heart.

Kia and Marco have grown up amazingly well, Kia is talking all the time and is always dancing around when we're at dinner and the band is playing. And Marco is shy but gets along well with everyone here.

It's wonderful to see that everyone is putting something in towards the kids, they truly are lovely kids and you would have loved to see them like this.

I wish you were still here. I do miss you alot, But i dont like dwelling on your death, cause I know you would have wanted me to celebrate it, and i always did what you want.

So, here I am, still completely in love with you but thats okay, because i always will be, you were the light in my life and when ever I think about you I smile, and its better than crying.

I have nothing else to say, sorry about that i would always write to you if i could but im so busy with missions and paperwork, honestly thats the only thing that sucks, but hey, that's what comes with being a commander of the scouts, Oh yeah im now the commander, you proud of me.

Okay im going to leave now cause im meant to be doing paperwork so yeah, i will continue to visit you when i have free time and please don't forget I love you.

- Armin

-

I finish the letter, fold it up and put it in my pocket while heading out of my office, i couldn't really hear anything in the hall, Saturday's were always quiet here, mainly cause it's a day after a mission and everyone is tired.

I exit the scout barracks and head towards the graveyard, the day was nice, the sun was out and the birds singing their song.

The walk wasnt far, only a 3 minute walk, once I open the gate to the graveyard I see Eren and Mikasa standing at Y/N' s grave, I make my way over to them and stand next to them.

We stand in silence for a minute, i stare looking at her gravestone.

"Here lies Y/N Arlert
Loved mother and friend to many
Always there for everyone and a wonderful person, we will miss you"

The amount of times I've read that is insane, but everytime I do its like the first time.

I reach into my pocket and put the letter down in front of her gravestone.

"I still miss her" Mikasa mumbles, putting her scarf around her to cover her mouth.

"I miss her more and more each day" i sigh and smile with a single tear fall down my face and landing on the ground next to her grave.

One day we will be each other again.