Querencia

42

As soon as Minghao and Jun left, Eunjae let go of Hoshi, sitting up and glaring at Woozi. 

"In the future, I'd like it to be known that my room is my fucking room, and I'm supposed to feel safe in it." Eunjae turned to give Joshua the same look. "I don't know what you expect from me, but I promise it won't be pretty if you keep setting me up like this."

Woozi's smile fell, and Jeonghan shifted from foot to foot, feeling awkward being there. He knew of the plan, of course, but he couldn't say he was happy with how it was going, and he'd prefer if no one found out about his involvement. 

"I can't stand this right now," Eunjae sighed, shaking his head in disappointment.  Weren't friends supposed to be helpful? Weren't they supposed to ease the pain, not cause it? Then why were they putting him through this torture? Was he friends with a bunch of sadists? 

He felt weak as he stood up, his stomach twisting in knots as he unwillingly recalled every moment between Jun and Minghao, flashing behind his eyes like a horror movie.

Why was Minghao okay with it? Was it because Jun wasn't afraid to show affection? Was it that Jun could be the loving boyfriend that Minghao deserved? It was true, wasn't it? Eunjae wasn't good enough. He never was, and probably never would be. Not with how much he feared being exposed. 

Hoshi followed Eunjae out the door, but they split apart as soon as they reached the hallway. 

Eunjae made his way to the roof, where he always went, provided he was able to, when he was feeling like this. He leaned against the edge, staring at the sky and allowing his mind to fill up with negativity. 

Jun and Minghao were oddly silent as they walked back to their room. Minghao's throat constricted as he considered whether he should say what was on his mind.

It wasn't until they were in bed that Jun finally spoke, in chinese, as they often did when they were alone.

"It took me weeks to get Hoshi to even talk to me. So why does he already seem so close to that dick?" 

Minghao held back the urge to bite back, hearing Jun calling Eunjae a dick. But he partially agreed, more than a little upset with the fact that Eunjae had decided to play along, instead of being mature and approaching Minghao, as planned. 

"It's our fault, maybe we should stop. I don't really like this, it didn't work the way it was supposed to." 

Jun stared at Minghao, shaking his head desperately. "We can't give in now. We started it, we're gonna finish it. I promise you, by the end of the week Eunjae will be on his knees begging you to be his boyfriend."

The idea was nice, but Minghao knew it was unlikely. "I don't even know if I want to do another day,  and you want the whole week to go like this?" 

Jun sighed, as if Minghao was a clueless kid, a student for Jun to teach. "You don't want Eunjae to think you're weak, do you? I'm doing this for you, it's all for you. If you go back now, nothing will have changed. Eunjae just needs a push, and he'll have to be more open, unless he wants to lose you."

But what if he doesn't care enough? The thought haunted Minghao, and his heart seized up in fear. Was it really worth risking what they already had, just so that Eunjae would get over his fear? 

Minghao wasn't happy with the current situation, but surely it was better than nothing. At least Eunjae openly loved him behind closed doors. It was better than Eunjae not talking to him at all. Secret kisses were better than no kisses. What if Eunjae was so mad that he decided he didn't want Minghao after all?

"Jun, this is thin ice. Are you sure it's worth it? What about Hoshi? Every time he looks at you I expect you to drop dead, and it's only the second day. You want to go through another five?"

Jun waved him off, "I'll explain it to Hoshi after, it'll be fine. This is just a game."

Games were supposed to be fun, and Minghao definitely didn't find this to be fun.

"I'm pretty sure they know what the plan was, and now we're stuck with the people we don't want."

"Trust me, it'll be fine."

Minghao wasn't so sure, and, when Jun was distracted, Minghao slipped out of the room.

Night fell, and Eunjae was still on the roof, his soul heavy as he stared without seeing, immersed in his thoughts. 

Maybe things were better this way, he thought. Maybe this is what Minghao deserved. Maybe it wasn't just a show, Jun was actually willing to keep Minghao. Maybe, Minghao liked it. After all, with Jun, things didn't have to be a secret. Jun could hold his hand in class, Jun could kiss him on the cheek. Jun wasn't afraid, Jun wasn't a coward like Eunjae. Maybe they were better for each other. Minghao would get the relationship that he wanted, that he deserved. And Eunjae would be alone, just like before.

These were dangerous thoughts, but Eunjae was too upset to care. 

While Eunjae stared at the sky, Minghao stared at Eunjae. He had been roaming the hallways, remembering his times with Eunjae. Last time he had seen Eunjae upset like this, he had found him on the roof. He had guessed he would find him there, and he was right. He wasn't sure whether to be happy or disappointed to find Eunjae. He was alone, at least.

His chest tightened, and he wanted to run away, but he couldn't resist the possibility that he would get to see Eunjae privately. He stepped out of the shadows, hesitating. Was this a good idea? It would ruin the game, but Minghao was scared to lose Eunjae forever.

Just as he decided to throw the pretense away, Eunjae reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and dialing a number.

Minghao paused, suddenly struck with dread as he could only watch Eunjae.

"Hey, Hoshi? Did I wake you?" 

Hoshi, Eunjae called Hoshi. 

"Are you down to sneak out? There's no way I'm sleeping tonight."

Eunjae was asking Hoshi to hang out. Off school grounds. Like a date? It seemed like that to Minghao. It seemed an awful lot like what he had feared was happening. Maybe he would choose Hoshi over Minghao. After all, Hoshi hadn't agreed to purposely mess with Eunjae's feelings, just in the hopes that he would overcome his fears. 

Now, Minghao could understand just how unfair this game was. He felt sorry for Eunjae, and he knew that Eunjae didn't deserve it. 

But then, if it was so painful for Eunjae, then why hadn't he stopped it, instead of playing along? Why did he have to use Hoshi, the same way that Minghao was using Jun? Did he want Minghao to hurt the same way that he did? If so, he succeeded.

He felt empty, until his body filled up with burning pain, a serpent writhing in his gut and wrapping around his delicate heart. His lungs felt like giving out, and his eyes burned with liquified sadness. He was hurt just hearing Eunjae say Hoshi's name. 

Minghao swallowed back the pain, clenching his fists and fleeing from the roof, and from the boy that was playing with his heart without even realizing.