Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I sighed as I took off my second Giuseppe Strapped Boot, watching Amy pull a pair of 6-inch Red Bottoms from her bag. "Here put these on and lose the attitude, the producers can tell your tone is changing. You're suppose to be sexual not snobby, get it together Nicki".
I was literally frustrated, mentally and physically. Photo shoot, video appearances, meetings, club appearances, and extra shit that I didn't really want to do had become everyday events. This was the type of industry that destroyed the self esteem of young women like myself. We unintentionally sold our lives away in contracts, forced to work long hours.
The money was great when it came to taking care of my family back in Trinidad. The perks were decent, name brand clothes, shoes, and accessories. I met celebrities, but they were just regular people. At the end of the day, when I went home and removed all of the makeup, stripped from the clothes, and looked in the mirror- I was still Onika Tanya Maraj from Trinidad.
The facade I put on daily, trading in my soul for a good photo didn't change anything. I still had problems with myself, I still had a family barely surviving back on the island, I still had a job to do.
I complained and hated it, but this was all I knew. I wasn't educated, I didn't have a degree under my belt, barely had a high school diploma. I didn't know too much outside of the Urban Modeling world. All I knew was to put on the skimpiest clothes they gave me, along with the highest heels. All I knew was to smile when the camera was on me, and dance on any rapper that booked me for their video. All I knew was to deny any allegations when they linked me to rappers for just simply working with them, even though I knew everything was false.
The photo shoot finished a little earlier than expected, so I was able to go directly to my hotel room and be finished with work for the day. Deep down, I just wanted to get away- end all of this. Some days, I was just so unhappy that I considered the possibility of committing suicide. I had no one, besides one friend I'd met.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
