| Don't Let Me Be Gone |- Joshler

Ø N E

«Trigger Warning»

Walking under the night sky, I hung my head low only glancing up to watch where I was going. The bitter smell of rotting leaves floated around me as I walked through the thick wood, two of my most prized things in hand.
A rope and a beautiful, shiny and blood stained blade.
Leaves crunched beneath my black combats boots and I stopped. Looking up I saw the tree I had my eye on for the longest time. Too much fear to actually do it, too much to live for then. But now...things where different. Everything for me had gone colorless, everything just seemed to be hurting in a way that was so painful it made every passing second hell on earth.
I climbed my way up the tree, losing my grip a few times before successfully making it to the branch I wanted to get to. I sighed and leaned back against the trunk and thought.
Is this really what I want to do? Everything I'm leaving behind...Everything I'll lose... I shook my head. Fuck it. I don't fucking care anymore.
Without much more hesitation, I began to create my weapon to take everything. My only escape. I sighed and tied it around the tree, then carefully and just tight enough around my neck.
It's time. No going back this time. No more broken words and horrible thoughts. No more fear, no more pain. I sighed and shifted slightly, getting ready to slide off the branch and finally have peace. My eyes closed.
"Hey!"
My eyes shot open at the harsh sounding voice. I looked down and the blood drained from my face when I saw who it was. "Go away, Madison."
"No! You're obviously about to make a big mistake, Ty. C'mon dinner is ready." She stated firmly yet sympathetically.
I sighed and pulled the rope off of the tree and my neck. I quickly shoved the blade into my pocket and decided on leaving the rope there. I climbed down carefully and sighed, pulling my hood over my head and stuffing my hands into my sweaters pocket.
"Don't tell mom or dad." I whispered to Maddi as we walked back through the woods.
"I won't." She whispered back and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.
I leaned my head against her shoulder for a moment before standing straight again. "What did mom make for dinner?"
"Spaghetti and garlic bread." Madison stated.
I nodded and sighed, feeling more worn out and tired than I had ever felt in my life. I wanted to die more than ever now, everything seemed to be hurting more and more with every breath I took.
"Ty?" Madison rested a hand on my shoulder, jolting me out of my thoughts. "You okay?"
I nodded. "I'm fine."
"Ty, tell me what's up. It's clear you're not fine, you just tried to hang yourself." Madison grabbed my arm.
"I said I'm fine." I hissed, pulling my arm from her grasp. I walked off, not caring if Madison was calling my name. I ran in the direction of my house, a sudden flood of tears overwhelming me. I rounded the corner and ran into my house, wiping the tears in my eyes.
"Tyler!" I looked up and saw my mom happily beaming at me.
"Hey mom." I waved and gave her a fake smile.
She pulled me over to the table and I sat down, looking at the spaghetti on the plate. I smiled weakly and picked up a fork.
I didn't want to eat. But I knew I had to it my mom would ask what's wrong.
It's like she never saw how much pain I'm in. How bad I'm damaged.
I ate slowly, trying to force down the almost tasteless food. Her spaghetti was good normally but guess things were just...tasteless now. Finishing off the rest of my plate, I put it in the sink and rushed upstairs to my room closing the door behind me once I was inside.
I sat against the door and looked down, I could feel the rivers wanting to break free from behind my eyes. Only a few moments later did the rivers break free and flood over my cheeks and I became a sobbing mess. I held my hands over my eyes but the tears still slid out. Everything was hurting. It's so funny how no one sees your pain until you're dead and gone. No one knows you until you have left them to think about how happy you really were.
I forced myself to my feet angrily and laid back on my bed, grabbing the blade from my pocket. I didn't even think before I slashed it across my arm several times. I watched as the blood seeped out of the thin cuts and flowed smoothly down my arm. I just stared for a moment before slashing across my arm a few more times.
I tossed the blade aside and sat up, holding my head in my hands again. "I wish someone could hear my screams. I wish someone would understand what it means to be in pain."
I sighed and reached over to my bedside table and grabbed my sharpie and moved it across my cut filled arm, drawing a black bird above each cut I had made. I started crying again. Everything was spilling out and it hurt, it hurt so much. I cried more and more until I was screaming, screaming for someone.
"Is anyone even out there?!?" I screamed one last time before everything went black.