Treat You Better - A Shawn Mendes Fanfic ✔️

No Control

Shawn: Im watching the HP and the philosopher's stone and I the wingardium leviosa scene just happened and all i could remember was of how much i relate to Ron. Remember that day in Orlando? that was the day i realized how a bad wizard i am. My childhood dreams are crushed 😞

I chuckle at the text, remembering the annoyed face he made when I managed to do the spell in one go, and he still didn't manage it.

Princess 👑: hahahahahaha don't cry Won Won. Some people arent born with such a gift for wizardry, it happens

Shawn: you are no one to say that miss Granger 😑

I roll my eyes at the text he sent me, when suddenly Violet speaks up, and I am brought back to the real world.

"Shawn?" She asks me, and I nod.

"Yeah."

There is a silence as predicted, as Violet collected words that I knew she was keeping in all of this time that Shawn and I had started to talk again.

"Isn't it... um weird that you are talking to him?" She asks. The wording was horrible, but I knew what she meant.

"Yeah it was in the beginning. But eventually as he recovered and he became his normal self again and he didn't really need my help anymore, we continued to chat and I guess we are good friends again. I'm really happy that we managed to stay friends."

She raises her eyebrows at me doubtingly, as if saying "Are you sure about that? Or do you want something more?".

"Really Violet, I like it this way. Just friends. Shawn also seems to like things how they are." I say, plastering a smile to my face. However truth was that my heart still heated fast from having a conversation with him, and how I was also trying to convince myself that I liked being just his friend.

This past month had really changed things. We spoke every single day, majorly through texting, calls being mainly reserved for emergencies. I don't know how and why it helped so much, but me being there for him really had helped him out. The panic attacks became less and less, and he stopped drinking. Even if it was against his will and he was prohibited from going after it, he told me he didn't really feel like drinking anymore.

At least that was what he told me. But I did believe in him. Not only did I maintain in touch with Geoff who gave me updates on the outside, and he told me that Shawn had improved tremendously. He told me how Shawn kept apologizing him for what he did to him, and how he was so focused on creating music. Shawn did tell me that the alcohol was relieving him from the pain, but now I guess that composing managed to substitute drinking.

Even Aaliyah told me how he sounded so much better whenever she spoke to him. I was just so glad that I managed to help him. He was now happy and had gotten rid of the bad habit he had developed, while at the same time he didn't have to cancel the tour. And I was happy too because I felt like I had gotten my best friend back.

But deep in my heart, I knew that I wasn't completely happy with that.

I hate the way I feel. I hated this so much because I had had no power or control over it. I fought it, but I always lost. I just wished and wished I was happy with solely being in the situation I was in, but I couldn't control it.

I couldn't help still loving him.

I wished I had this control over myself. It was so frustrating how my stupid heart decided to practice gymnastics every single time I saw his name up in my phone, and did flips and turns and then decided to go on a marathon. I tried not to immediately pick up my phone. My brain told me not to do it. But it didn't matter, because my heart was the one who was in the control.