My Little Flower

Chapter Eight; Sleeping Reality

(March 14th, Tuesday, 2017, 12:56AM)

I had passed out tiredly after cumming for the third time in a row. Dark picked me up and carried my limp body to the bed that I was staying in, tucking me in and just sitting in the corner of the room and watching me sleep for the hours I would sleep. On and off I would wake up from dreams, ones about him and I eventually being happy with me being his slave. When I did wake up now and then, I looked over at him staring at me. I had become completely accustom to it and sometimes I would even stare back. It was almost one in the morning when I started to have a dream of him. A terrible dream. More of a flash back.

Dream/Flash back;

The pothole covered roads bounced my car gently as Radiohead blared in my ears, tears flowing down my face. I watched the rain splash on my windshield, the wipers moving furiously to keep up with the pounding droplets "Swoosh Swoosh.". I couldn't grip my steering wheel quite properly from my sweaty and tired hands, just like I couldn't grasp the reality I was facing. My life was perfectly normal. I should be perfectly normal. I couldn't be any further from normal. My daily activities consisted of sleeping pills, waking, working, and insomnia. It's quite the vicious cycle to repeat on a day to day bases. I had short bursts of happiness throughout the day, but those seemed to fade vividly as my mind clouded itself with grief once again.

Sometimes the sleeping pills wouldn't even work for me anymore, hence taking long night rides like this one. The only thing that would distract me from thinking was focusing on the road and where I was going. Where I wanted to be was away from my thoughts, but it's hard to do that when you need them to function as well. The voices only seemed to stop when music outplayed them. The one voice that was most powerful was him. He knew me in and out, how to play with my emotions and make me feel worthless. His voice violated my mind more than ever this night, the music was barely to keep him out. I could hear his muffled whispers and cackling in the back of my head, trying to take control again.

The lights on the side of the road had been taunting me with their fake sunlight. All I wanted was day so I could go to work and get the day over with, to do all of this just to again repeat the process of my depression. Years ago I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia. Both my anxiety and depression were caused by the schizophrenia and the voices that came with them. Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and more than exhausted at the same time. It's not have the motivation to do anything but terrified of failing. It's wanting a relationship but too scared to start a conversation with someone. It's not wanting to be lonely but wanting to be alone. You feel everything and then the numb feeling of non existents. I had scared voices, sad voices, and maliciously voices. I could deal with them all separately but when they would talk with each other and give each other ideas then it would break me. Over the years they have all morphed into one monster. Dark. He's the only thing keeping me from dying, but also killing me simultaneously. Sometimes the happy voices would speak to me, making things more bearable than usual, but it was never long before he was back again.

I pulled up to a gas station, turning off the engine and keeping the key in the ignition so I could hear the music to block him out still. I was just about to pump the gas before the gas station attendant came over and told me to turn off my vehicle or else I wouldn't be able to pump gas. I tried to explain to her what was wrong, that I had turned the car off and just kept the music going but she wouldn't believe me and forced herself passed me, opening my car door and taking the keys out of the ignition. "Was that so hard?" She asked rolling her eyes and walked away as I now laid on the ground, balled up and holding my knees. She turned around and asked me if I was okay. I just laid there and rocked back and forth, hearing him cackle in the recesses of my mind. "Get up you useless piece of roadkill.." He hissed at me as I stood, crying and getting back in my car. "I swear to god if you turn that music back on.." He threatened as I started the car, the music coming back on as well, again blocking him out. I laid my head on the steering wheel, wheezing and sobbing, knowing his torture wouldn't stop when or if I turned the music off. After a few moments of just sitting there, I looked up, looking in my mirror. Their he was sitting in my back seat. Just smiling at me. I knew I was hallucinating but he was so intimidating. I could see his lips move but couldn't hear him.