I Need You

Church

We managed to find a car with a full tank of gas a block away from the apartment building. We have been on the road for at least an hour heading to the church where the rest of the group has been staying for nearly a week now. Looking out the window at the fallen world as it passes by, I can't help but notice how quiet it has become in the car. I look to my right to see Noah passed out against the window. I chuckle to myself and turn to the passenger seat where Carol sits. She too has fallen asleep. My eyes dart to the rear view mirror where I am met by Daryl's eyes looking back at me. He turns his focus back to the road and I rest my head against the cold glass. We ride in silence for a while. The quiet is peaceful, comforting just like it always is when I am with Daryl.
"You a'ight? You haven't said much all day." Daryl says softly not to disturb the other two passengers in the car.
He's right. I haven't said much since Grady. It hasn't been for any particular reason. I am not sad, upset, or anything like that. I guess I have just been focused. Focused on escaping. Focused on finding them. Focused on the pain in my shoulder and trying not to show it. Focused on getting back to the group, my family. Noah has been doing a lot of the talking, eager to be with different people after a year spent in that hellhole.
"I'm good. Just focused is all." I nod my head in Noah's direction and jokingly add, "Plus Chatty Kathy over here hasn't really let me get a word in edgewise."
This gets a small, rare smile out of Daryl. He looks back in the rear view mirror and his face grows stern again. "You okay?" I inquire noticing the sudden shift in his expression.
"Yup." He replies quickly.
"I can't wait to see everyone." My attempt to keep the conversation going. I really can't wait. I learned from Carol that everyone met up at a place called Terminus. It was a bad situation, bad people. Carol was with Tyrese and she saved the whole group and a few newcomers Glenn found along the way. They met Father Gabriel and have been staying at his church ever since.
Daryl has yet to tell his story about what happened after I was kidnapped. I doubt he will share his story unless it's just he and I alone. He has always been a private person. It's always "need to know" with Daryl. He has never been one to talk much but with me, he's not like that. Not since the moonshiner's cabin. He let me in... or at least he did. It might be different now that we are returning to the group... now that he has Carol back.
I know they are close. I use to think they were together back at the prison but realized to my delight that wasn't the case. They just shared a deep connection. They both have lived similar lives. They both were victims of abuse and became stronger people. They were arguably the strongest in their group aside from Rick and Michonne. Carol would flirt with him sometimes which I didn't like, but it was always in joking manner... and not that it was any of my business. I had no claim on him. I wish I did.
I used to never even entertain thoughts of anything happening between us until that night he came to my prison cell and told me about Zach. That night I felt something between us and after that things were different. I began to realize he was actually quite handsome the more I looked at him. Maggie and I would sit outside in the prison yard with Judith, I would steal glances his direction while he was working on his bike. My eyes would watch the sweat glistening off his bulging biceps in the hot Georgia summer heat. I quickly tried to push those feelings aside blaming it on a stupid school girl crush. There was no way a guy like Daryl would ever look my way. He was way older than me... not that age matters anymore and he only saw me as a kid. Then the night with the moonshine happened, he opened himself up to me, telling me things I know he's never told anyone else before. Those feelings which I had buried deep came slowly crawling their way back the surface again. I still tried to dismiss them knowing he didn't feel the same. Or so I thought.
When he started to teach me to track, he instructed me to be hyper aware of everything. I was a quick study. When hunting, I would spy trails very quickly and could follow them with ease due to the fact that I took note of the tiniest details which impressed Daryl. With my new found training, I began to take notice of the little things he did or said to me. Touching the small of my back to guide me to our destination even when unnecessary. Feeling his eyes look over me when he thought I wasn't paying attention. Giving me a "serious piggy back" when I hurt my ankle. Requesting I continue to sing while he lay in the casket. The moment after I asked him what changed his mind when we were having dinner. I allowed myself to hope that maybe he felt something for me too. That felt like a lifetime ago...
"They will be happy to see you." He says gently, snapping me back to reality.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was around midnight when we finally got to the clearing where the church sat. Daryl motioned for us to stop just inside the tree line as we heard someone or something approaching us. Based on the sound of their footsteps it was a person, not a walker. The shadowy figure came closer and I could make out the silhouette of the katana strapped to her back. Daryl and Carol approached her cautiously in an attempt not to startle her as they came into view.
"Daryl... Carol..." I hear her whisper harshly. "Where have you two been?"
Daryl didn't respond. Instead he glanced back to me and Noah motioning us to come out. We obliged. I am elated to see Michonne. Noah on the other hand looks terrified of the fierce woman with a sword. I can't see her face until I am right next to Daryl. Her eyes widen in shock and then she smiles the biggest smile I have ever seen. She quickly grabs my hand and leads me to the church's front doors completely dismissing Noah's existence. She flings the doors open and I see them all collectively jump at the noise.
"Look who I found outside!" She proclaims.
At first, no one moves at the sight of us entering the building. They all just stare at us... no... at me dumbfounded. Why are they looking at me like that? Then it hits me, they didn't think I would make it alone. "Gee thanks everybody, good to see you too." I sarcastically think to myself. Rick runs over and wraps me up in a tight hug. "Beth..." He gasps. He pulls back and slowly I see everyone come into sight. I am being passed around and hugged by everyone. My hostility goes away as quickly as it came. They are all there hugging me... Sasha, Tyrese, some man I can only assume is Father Gabriel, thankfully doesn't hug me, and Carl who is holding Judith. Daryl and Carol never said anything about her. I only assumed. They must have wanted to surprise me. I am already crying, but as soon as I see her, I turn into full on waterworks. She sees me and instantly starts reaching for me. I take her and feel like I am whole again. I am not her biological mother. But Judith is my daughter... I raised her. Unimaginable joy is all I feel in this moment. I am here with my whole family. Well not my whole family, I scan all their faces again looking for Maggie and Glenn. I don't see them. Where are they?
"They aren't here." Rick says answering my unspoken question. "They left yesterday with Abraham, Rosita, Eugene and Tara to go to DC. Abe was impatient to resume the mission. Glenn offered they go with Abe's group to keep the peace. I wasn't leaving without you." Rick states looking at Daryl and Carol.
Just like that my joy turns to sorrow. Maggie left me... how could she do that to me? "She didn't do anything to you. She didn't think you were alive dummy" I think to myself. As if right on cue, Daryl picks up on my sudden mood change and puts his hand on the small of my back to comfort me. I appreciate the gesture. I try to get hold of my emotions before anyone else notices. Too late... I see Rick staring at me with an apologetic look on his face. He makes his way over to me. I hate that I wear my heart on my sleeve.
"We didn't know where Daryl and Carol went. If she would have known, they never would have left. Abraham left us a map and we will meet up with them." Rick quietly says trying to reassure me. All I can do is smile and nod. Carol introduces Noah to the group and everyone settles in for the night.
What a day!