Impossible Love

Chapter 48

"Everything alright? I heard you two yelling then things got silent. He didn't hit you or anything, right?" Mark asked as I walked up to him, Gloria, Juan, and my father.

I just shook my head. I couldn't really speak, I had this huge lump in my throat and I really didn't know what to say. I wasn't really thinking straight. I wasn't really thinking at all, I just felt like an inanimate object taking up space. I felt like a stranger, like a paper floating in mid-air. I felt like a leaf falling off a tree in slow motion. I felt broken and horrible. My brain kept yelling that this was the best, but my shattered heart kept yelling that this was the worst idea my brain ever had. It was World War 3 inside of me. The outside was just...me. I had the face I always had, my eyes were a bit watery but that's it. I've learned to hide my feelings very well, you could actually say that i'm a professional at hiding my feelings. 19 years of hiding tears, but these last few years have always been the toughest i've faced. I just hope that after the pain I get happiness. After all, there's always a rainbow behind a storm right? I hope...

"Where's Harry?" Louis asked walking up to me. I just shrugged and stayed quiet.

"Sandra are you ok?" Gloria asked seriously. I just nodded, threw her a weak smile, and a thumbs up.

"Then why aren't you responding? What happened? Did Harry hit you or did you guys split? Or what up girl?" Gloria asked. I just cleared my throat and tried to get rid of the lump in my throat.

"I'm fine, really guys. I just have a lot on my mind" I lied while smiling confidently. Surprisingly they bought it. Phew!

"There you are Haz!" Louis yelled as Harry walked up to us. He glanced at me, making small eye contact, but I quickly looked away. He wasn't crying, in fact he looked perfectly fine to me. He looked normal, just like I did. His eyes were a bit red, but nothing to bring attention.

"So i'm guessing you two solved your problems right?" Mark asked us.

"Yeah" Harry said normally.

"Great! Harry you haven't hit that note i've wanted you to hit. Go up and grab a microphone, i'll start the music momentarily" My dad said taking out his iPad. Apparently, they now control everything on their tablets. Whatever me and Gloria can still steal the tablets and put inappropriate songs on speaker.

"Hey Sandra, if its ok with Harry, can you tell me what happened with Alma?" Niall asked walking up to me.

"I don't think he minds anymore" I muttered.

"Ok then...so you wanna go talk about this outside?" Niall asked.

"Sure....Gloria you wanna come and explain?" I asked softly.

"Yeah let's go" Gloria said. Neither of them said anything so we just waked towards the exit in silence.

I honestly don't know what got to me. It could've been the break up, or the tears I was holding back. I believe it goes further than that. Over these years i've been forcing myself to not cry, yet where do those tears go? Do they just disappear? The answer is no, these tears don't just dry up. Those tears accumulate inside of me. They kept building up, making a small river which gets bigger overtime. A powerful, strong dam keeps the tears from falling. Yet nothing is perfect and nothing is made to last. What got to me was the fact that i'm slowly losing everyone I cherish. I've lost my dad, my siblings all walked away with my dad, my mom left me in the past, i've lost Claire and Alma, I don't even talk to them anymore, I lost my child, and now i've lost Harry. The worst part is that its all my fault, I pushed them out. I traded my family and friends for fame. I gave my child away just so I can have a chance at living the famous life. I just gave up on Harry because my actions reflect my career. A jealous woman crashes and burns and that meant I would've taken my career with me. I gave up everything i've ever loved for fame. Then again i'm alive because of my dream of fame. I once had a gun to my head, loaded, with my finger on the trigger. The only thing that stopped me from pulling the trigger was the Eminem poster hanging on my wall. My thought was "Eminem's life got better with fame, so fame will save me". Well I was wrong. Fame is good and bad and that's what got to me. Fame and life. That's why when I was about 8 feet from the exit, I fell to my knees. My legs gave up on me, my body could no longer hold it in. I cupped my knees as my whole body shook terribly. I cried and cried. All I heard was my own cries, Gloria and Niall's sympathy and a bunch of people running up to me. One thing I didn't hear was Harry's voice. He had stopped singing. I don't know where he was or what he was thinking, but he won. I tried to hold in the tears, but its just impossible when you fall so hard in life. It was then when I realized how far I fell. That's why I fell to the floor. I just felt so much weight on my shoulders. It was like everyone and everything that could, was pushing down on me. I couldn't take the weight so I fell.