Strings

Almost At The Bottom

"Oh like your innocent. I didn't see you complaining last night when I let you have a line." Letting out a sigh Stef knew it was true and she regretted every bit of it.

"Look just be careful. OK?"

"Oh come on. You see how much money I'm making. You saw how much you made the other day. Plus it keeps us high and feeling good." she joked wrapping her arms around Stef from behind her back. "By the way when are you gonna get rid of that tattoo? You really want to carry her name on you forever?"

"Jenna shut the fuck up. Ok?"

"Look I'm stating the obvious. I mean once she finds out we are fucking and getting high I mean really?"

"We didn't fuck Jenna."

"Ok made out. Almost fucked. But you weren't complaining when I almost ate you out. Then you acted like you didn't want it."

Sliding on her shirt Stef grabbed her bag not saying a word for if she did or thought about what she had been doing she would not be able to cope.

"Look, I'll see you later."

"Sure baby! Come by the house tonight. It's 72 Washington Road!"

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STEF POV

I was nervous as fuck realizing that Captain Roberts had been looking for me.  What in the hell did she want? There was no way I could tell her I had basically given up on the GED test and everything else right now. How could I? Not wanting to face her and myself for that matter I was pretty sure everything I was doing was showing up on my face for it was really affecting my personality which I was well aware of. My anger was off the charts, my level of patience was slim to non, I was always tired and sluggish, and I was sleeping non stop. Right now I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror at what I was doing and becoming and I didn't  even know when I had gotten so bad. When did my dreams fade? When did I give up on me and Lena? When did I give up on myself? When did I give up on my daughter? Feeling my stomach turn at not having eaten and only consuming those pills Jenna got me addicted to, along with the line I snorted last night I ducked my head in the trash near the diner puking my brains out once again. My head was spinning as this had become my new reality for the last month and I knew if I didn't do something about it it was going to get worse.

"Ah look who finally decided to show up to work Foster!" I heard Al say as I let myself into the back door and he threw my apron at me.

"Hey."

"Yeah hey is for horses! So let me ask are you staying the entire day or are you bailing out like last time?"

"No I'm staying the entire day." I said rolling my eyes and feeling my head pound as I tied my apron around my waist.

"Well that's unfortunate because your fired."

"What?" I said shocked looking to him.

"Yeah fired. I don't know what kind of trouble you are in but I got a cop asking about you everyday, plus you haven't been here in two weeks! You really think you still have a job here?"

"I called out saying I was sick! And I don't know why she's asking about me I haven't done shit!"

"Hey I don't know that. How can I take the word of a junkie?!"

"What?!"

"You heard me! A junkie! I can tell by your face your high as kite! Plus your little girlfriend Jenna she comes in everyday high as shit."

"Al I'm not high and I need this job. You have no idea!"

"Too bad it's not my problem. Get out!"

"Al please!" I begged following behind him as he turned around scowling at me.

"Look Foster unless you want me to rat you out to that cop get out."

Letting out a sigh I threw my apron to the ground storming out the diner.

Feeling the tears run down my eyes I headed to the 7 eleven to call Lena.  My heart was dying and I just couldn't take it anymore and she was the only person I had and the only person who would understand. Of course I felt terrible for how I had spoken to her the last time and how I had treated her but I needed her. I needed her more then anything. Picking up the phone and dialing her hotel number I could only pray she was there. 

"Hello."

"Mrs. Adams...um it's Stef I..

"Yes I know who it is. Can I help you?"

"Can I talk to Lena?"

"Lena is busy right now."

"Ok, well do you know when she will be back so I can call her?"

"Stef listen. The last time you spoke to her she was crying for two hours. I don't know what you said to her she wouldn't tell me but from what I gather it wasn't good. So do me a favor and don't call her again. She has other things she needs to focus on besides you breaking her heart."

With that she hung up and there was nothing left in my body or mind to feel. Nothing.