Strings

Stef Foster

FLASHBACK

"Very good baby girl. Now practice that chord a few more times and you will have it." Sharon encouraged as we sat on the blanket at the beach watching the sunset. It had been the first time in two weeks that I was allowed to play my guitar and sit at the beach for I had been grounded. Grounded for acting out with Jenna and cutting a class something I really regretted now after seeing how angry Sharon had gotten with me. Once again I had feared she would no longer want to adopt me but she insisted she would never ever give up on me and that I was still very much her daughter.

"I don't know mama I keep messing up. It's frustrating."

"Well you are still learning. That's alright. You are doing very well and it takes practice, time and patience. Yes?"

"I guess. I just want to be as good as you."

"You are already better then me kid. Believe me." she said tucking my long blonde hair behind my ear and letting out a smile.

"No way."

"Yes way. Now we will only think positive baby girl. " Leaning into  me she kissed my forehead as I began to play another chord. My mind however could only focus on the last week and my reckless behavior.

"Mama?"

"Yes honey?"

"I'm sorry about what I did. It was stupid of me to go along with Jenna and cut class and smoke a cigarette. I should have never done that."

"You bet your butt you should  not have done that. You are only 13 Stefanie and it's not acceptable honey. It just isn't."

"I know. I'm sorry mama."

"I know you are. But I will tell you Jenna is not a good girl. She's a very bad influence and sometimes too much of an influence on good people like you that are trying to get to a better place."

"I know. And I know better. I guess I just got curious."

"Curious about what. Smoking?"

"Yeah."

"That's nothing to be curious about. Smoking can kill you and your lungs and lead to a bunch of other things you don't want to be involved with. Same as cutting school. That is not you baby. It isn't. I know you and Lena had a little spat but it doesn't mean you go off and you act reckless. It means you think about why you fought, you talk to her and you work it out. You don't go off the handle and hang out with someone that isn't good for you to make yourself feel better and to cope with the pain. There are better ways."

"I know. Lena got angry with me because, because she saw me smoking. She wanted to stop me from cutting class but I told her to go away. That she should go to class."

"Why is that?"

"Because she's smart."

"And you aren't?"

"She's different Ma."

"Come here and sit next to me. Now."

Putting my guitar down I leaned into her as she wrapped her arm around me.

"Honey you have to stop thinking you are less then anyone. Or that you don't deserve opportunities. I know you grew up thinking that and I know many people told you that you were worthless, that you didn't matter. But I am here to show you and tell you that you do. That you do matter. That you deserve everything Lena does. And Lena cares about you.  Jenna does not. Is it hard for you to see the difference doll face?"