truth or dare // phan au

sixty-seven

dans pov
the nurse i was talking to earlier is quickly pacing towards me.
"he wants to see you." he says and rushes me forward back to phils room.
why are they letting me see him?
is he okay?
i brush the thoughts aside. of course he's okay-
we walk into phils room, he looks terrible "jesus, phil." i say quietly.
"yeah." he tries to push himself up on his elbow, but can't, he's too weak.
"dan, i'm dying-"
"no, no-" i start to panic
"dan, please. just listen." he waits for me to shut up.
the nurses and doctors in the room all act like they aren't listening and begin to talk amongst each other.
"i love you. so damn much. you know that, right?" i wipe a tear off my cheek and go to sit down next to him.
i notice that, he too, has tears running down his face. i put my hand on his face and wipe the tears off.
then i close my eyes, i don't want to watch him die. "it just isn't fair-"
"i know." he grabs my hand.
"no. no, you don't. what- what am i supposed to do? after you're gone? i don't know, i don't-"
phil starts coughing, a lot. a minute later he pulls his arm away from his mouth.
blood.
his arm is covered in the blood he coughed up. i wince.
"i just, i don't know what i'm gonna do, phil. i really don't."
"listen to me." he grabs my hand tighter. "i just want you to be happy, meet a nice person, adopt or have some kids and just be happy with your life. you're so perfect, and i love you so fucking much and i always will."
"you're amazing, phil. i don't think i'll ever find anyone like you."
"yes you will." he smiles. oh, god. that smile. i'm gonna miss that smile.
"no. i won't. there is no one like you."
i look toward the heart monitor.
shit.
its slowing down.
"phil- oh my- god, phil. n-no. no."
"hey, hey, its okay, dan, it's okay, i love you." a river of tears is pouring out of both of our eyes. i grab him and pull him as close as i can
"please, please, please don't leave me, i love-"
the heart monitor beeps as phil goes limp in my arms.
i pull him away from me,
"phil?" my voice breaks and i start sobbing.
those beautiful blue ocean eyes that you could swim in, are still open, looking blankly into nothingness.
i fall apart.
the whole world around me dims, it's gray. everything is gray.
even his eyes once stunning eyes and pitch black raven hair, and piercing pale skin, are dulled by the everlasting gray hue surrounding me.
gray is such a sad, suffocating color.
i can't stop crying.
my gray tears plop from my gray eyes onto my gray pants, and i wipe them away with my gray hands.
it feels like i died along with him.
i wish i actually did.

a/n: i'm sorry.