Horrible Acts | ✔️ | Blue Exorcist

Past Trauma

I shot up in bed, my hand clutching at my heart through my shirt. It was beating fiercely in my chest, reverberating through my rib cage. I gasped for air, the phantom feeling of someone's hands on my neck sent shivers up my spine. Not again, not another one of those nightmares, I thought I'd gotten over that. I tried to calm my breathing as a glanced over to my right, Yukio was still in bed, so it must be early morning. I envied his ability to sleep through the night, I envied his cheerful personality, but most of all, I envied his innocent memories.

Let's play a game, buddy, you wanna play with me?

I clapped my hands over my ears, trying to keep the god awful voice from entering, but sadly, the voice was already in my head.

Here, you don't need a shirt in this game, let me help you...

Stop it! Not this again! I shook my head violently, the motion carrying through my body and rocking the mattress. An image flashed through my head and I bit back a cry; his fingers on my skin, his breath next to my ear. Oh god, make it stop!

You're a good boy, aren't you?

I think I might be sick if this continues, I had to push this down, get rid of it. I shoved myself off my bed, trying to be quiet as I walked passed Yukio and tiptoed to the bathroom. I shut the door a bit harshly, however, but I didn't care. Leaning my head against the cool wood, I slapped my hands against my cheeks, trying to knock out the foul thoughts. After a few moments, I had calmed my mind enough to think clearly. Sighing, I stripped off my clothes, pausing to gasp for air as a few more flashbacks consumed me.

I blasted cold water in the shower and quickly stepped inside, hissing as it shocked my system. Thankfully, it helped ebb away the horrible pain, and I sat there, under the cold stream for a minute or so, just letting the water droplets drip from my hair. Once the memories had faded, I was left feeling filthy and queasy, like always.

I grabbed a rag and started washing my body, biting my tongue as I repeatedly scrubbed the same area over again twice, thrice, four times, and even more. My skin was red and raw by the time I turned off the shower, but the pain reminded me that I was clean. Physically clean, but I didn't want to dwell on that fact, I couldn't let it consume my day.

I wrapped a towel around my midsection and walked back into the bedroom, the chilly air cooling the water on my skin. Walking to my closet, I grabbed the usual school uniform and boxers, dropping my towel and getting dressed. It's not like Yukio was awake, anyway. I wrapped my tail around my chest and slid my shirt on, the comforting hug of my own tail was soothing, too bad it missed the warmth of an actual embrace. I couldn't remember the last time I had received one, to be honest. Not that I cared, I much preferred it when people didn't touch me, it made me feel too uncomfortable.

I glanced at the alarm clock and walked over to my sibling's bedside. He looked peaceful - the way he should be - he always looked stoic and impassive during the day, but while asleep, I got a glimpse of the baby brother that I used to know. I wanted to protect that peaceful expression, that's why he could never find out. It would break him, he'd blame himself, or he'd blame me, or he wouldn't believe me at all. Either way, I wasn't going to risk his happiness for my sake. I pulled his covers up higher and pushed the hair from his face before making my way out of the bedroom and down to the kitchen.

I normally didn't make breakfast, usually I just focused on lunch and dinner. However, I had time to kill, so I brought out a frying pan. Maybe I'd make a western meal this morning, Yukio liked to change it up sometimes, anyway. I grabbed the egg carton, cheese, and some veggies, we couldn't get western bacon here in Japan, but that's fine, I thought it was too greasy anyway, so vegetarian omelets were fine.