SEX YOU two | p.jimin

chapter | 30

| taehyung's point of view

I woke up in the middle if the night, bending my body into a fetal position and clutching at my head. I clenched my jaw, trying to fight through the pain but this is the worst out of all. My head feels like it's going to split open. I couldn't even speak and call for help. I shut my eyes tightly, wishing that the pain would just go away. I wish I could just die.

When I opened my eyes, the sunlight was seeping through the window. I could hear the birds chirping. Spring came early this year. Will I be able to see it until the end?

I feel different. Everybody around me thinks there's still a chance for me to live. They hold onto that hope but why can't I do the same? I don't mind dying. I don't feel anything anymore. Is this how acceptance feels?

I looked back at my memories; the things that once made me angry, happy and sad at one point in my life. It looked like one huge road map and along the road I've made connections with amazing people. A smile painted my face as I think about how far I came from the boy who used to cry all the time to who I am today. I never would've thought that it would be this wonderful.

"Hey, you're up." Jimin came and interrupted my train of thought. "How do you feel?"

"Same." I gave him a small smile, "Mara didn't come with you?"

"Uh, no. I left her at home with Hoseok." He closed the door behind him and walked towards my bed. "She wanted to come but I don't think it'll be good for her. We actually fought about it this morning. You should've seen how angry she was."

I laughed because I could actually imagine her face, "She's a pro at holding grudges so you're probably not getting laid after the baby comes."

"I know." Jimin laughed back but our laughter soon died down, "I talked to the doctor before I came in. He told me that they'll to whatever they can during operation later. Are you scared?"

"Not really." I said and then looked outside the window, seeing the sun melting the snow from the tree's branches, "I'm more afraid of not being able to come back. I'm scared of letting all your hopes die with me."

"You're not gonna die." Jimin said.

"It's okay. I am fine, Jimin." I flashed him a smile. "The weather is good today, don't you think so?"

Jimin turned his head to where I was staring at. "Don't think about anything, just stay alive? Do you hear me?" He faced me. "I want you to stay here. You're my best friend."

"I hear you." I smiled at him, "I don't know what will happen from now. It might take a while but can you wait? When the snow is all melted, until spring comes and the cherry trees blossom again, let's meet again as friends."

...

"His vitals are stable. His blood pressure is at 110/80 mmHg." A woman spoke.

"Good. He's reacting well to the anesthesia. We're going to start." A man answered.

I opened my eyes but the lights blinded my sight. Everything was clear. I hear people talking but I don't know any of them. They wore masks over their faces. One of them injected something in my line and I watched it flow into where the needle was inserted under my skin, into my vein. I felt a small sting as it goes inside but soon after that I began to lose all feeling from my body. It was as if I was floating in water but I was wide awake.

A woman sat across me and she explained everything. They're going to perform the operation while I'm awake. "I need your cooperation, okay? I might need to ask you questions from time to time and I just need you to answer them. Can you tell me your name?"

I swallowed before answering but my throat still feels dry, like I've ran out of saliva, "My name is Kim Taehyung."

"That's a nice name. Now Taehyung, can you tell me a story? Just anything that comes into your mind." She said. She faced a monitor where it displays a scan of my brain activity and where my tumor us located.

"There was this one book I came across once." I said as I try to distract myself with the woman's voice. "I thought it was strange.."

"Why do you think it's strange?" She asked some more while keeping an eye on the monitor.

"Because it was about a boy who was chosen to suffer alone in order to keep others happy." I replied, trying to recall the rest of the story, "He was caged under a city called Omelas, where the people had festivals and sang songs while he starved and slept on the cold hard floor but he was okay with it because he's making other people happy."

I closed my eyes and thought about it. Am I that boy in the story? Am I supposed to suffer to make others happy?

I would be fine with that.