The Coder

Chapter 23: I Don't Want to Sleep Alone!

                                                  . . . .

     "Eddie, he isn't getting enough sleep. It's really starting to mess with him."

     "I know. I honestly try not to wake him, but it never works. I don't like this anymore than you do Miles. Maybe... maybe we should just sleep separately."

     "He won't be happy about that."

     "I know. I know."

     My eyes flutter open and I groan. It's too damn bright in here and I definitely didn't like what I heard. We can't sleep separately! I'm the only one who can calm him after nightmares and sleeping with him is the only way to keep away mine.

     I'm not doing this because I'm being selfish. I don't care about me. I can handle the nightmares, but Eddie? I know he can't. Not by himself. I don't want him to end up hurting himself.

    He's told me about how some nights the nightmares got so bad that he was ripping at his skin in his sleep. He would leave long bleeding scratches along his arms and legs and wake up terrified and not know how he got them.

    I didn't want that to happen again. There is no way that I'm gonna let him sleep without me. I can be the most stubborn person in the world when I want to be.

    "Morning baby." Two strong arms wrap around me and pull me close. As I'm pulled into a hard chest I take in a deep breath. Honey and heat. Hmmm. The only person who smelled like that was me and Eddie. I guess after sleeping together for so long my scent wore off on him.

    "Morning." I raise my face up and give Eddie a tired frown. The smile immediately left his face and was completed with a raised brow. "And we need to talk."

    I see his face pale but he nods back to me. I hate to worry him, but he needed to suffer at least a little bit, he pissed me off dammit.

    "What's this about sleeping separately? You know neither of us can do that." My frown turns to a pout as my eyes avert. I was starting to sound like a prissy teenage girl. I didn't want to be a bitch about it, but I didn't want to take away the one thing I loved most about the day. Sleeping with Eddie.

    I always looked forward to laying down next to my strong, handsome boyfriend after a stressful day. Not only that, neither of us sleep well without each other. We would only be getting less sleep away from each other.

    Eddie scratches the back of his neck nervously as he tries to stall. This really isn't helping his case. I slowly pull away from Eddie and sit cross legged across from him. I folded my arms over my chest and pouted again. I wasn't fucking around.

     "Look, darling, I just think you need a bit more sleep and me waking you up in the middle of the night isn't helping." he lets out a heavy sigh as he looks away guiltily. His eyes dart back to me for a split second, a bit of fear in his eyes.

    Good. Now I'm furious. You know what? I'm gonna be a real bitch about this now!

    "Eddie, don't even give me that shit. I know you don't want to sleep alone. I would prefer losing a few hours of sleep than knowing you're scared out of your mind." I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. Okay, I know I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I don't care. It was just stupid to think this would make things better, and to be honest I feel like it's a blow to our relationship.

     I didn't want us to end up like those other couples. It always starts with sleeping in other rooms, then to drifting apart, and probably to worse. I admit, I'm paranoid.

     I let out a sigh and look away. In the corner of the room I see Miles and Chris sitting together and cuddling, and it makes me realize why I really don't want to sleep alone.

     "I know you're right, but It's starting to mess with you. I don't want to lose you to what you were before." I can hear his voice shaking slightly as he talks and it causes my eyes to water. That was exactly why I didn't want this to happen.

     "I-I'm just afraid to be alone again." My voice trails off at the end as the tears finally fall down my cheek. "I-I feel like i-if I'm alone again,I-I g-gonna turn b-back to what I was. I don't want that!" I can feel the tears begin to build up at my chin as they continue to fall.

     I was terrified of being alone. Never again. I never want to be alone again. That was why I turned into what I was. It drove me to insanity.

     I'm picked back up from my spot and pulls into Eddie's strong arms once again, this time his hold tighter than before. I feel his face bury itself into my hair and take in a deep shaky breath.

     "Baby, please don't cry. You don't have to be afraid anymore. I promised you that I wouldn't let that happen again and I'm going to keep that promise. Just one night, that's all I ask then we can go back to sleeping together. We can cuddle every morning just like you like, but right now you need your sleep."

     One night. That's all I have to do. I can do that, right?

     I swallow the lump in my throat and nod into his chest. It was going to hurt, but I can do this. It was for him. He was the one who wanted this. Just take a deep breath, Waylon.

     "Thank you Waylon. I promise, It'll only be for one night and if you can't take it you can come get me. But please, try."

     I give him another silent nod, but he doesn't give up. His tight hold on me tightens even more, making it so it was hard to breath.

     "Please say something. Tell me you aren't mad at me." I raise my head from his chest and wipe at my eyes with the palm of my hands. Why can't I say anything? I take in a few deep breaths and lick my lips.

      The only thing that come from my lips was, "I love you, Eddie." His hold on me loosens a bit and I feel his lips against mine.

     "Thank you, Waylon. I love you too." I lean my forehead back into his chest and just sit there. Tonight was going to be one hell of a night.