Forever Broken // Carl Grimes

Chapter 36

And I'm on my way,
I still remember these old country lanes
When we did not know the answers
And I miss the way
You make me feel,
It's real
We watched the sunset over the castle on the hill
Over the castle on the hill
Over the castle on the hill

Castle On The Hill - Ed Sheeran

~•~

There was something about the way he made her feel;

It was almost as if he made her dull soul come to life by a mere touch. She felt the strongest feeling of happiness when she was around him, and their time together, she never wanted it to end. She still felt the warmth in her heart when his hand lay atop hers, his thumb gently stroking her soft skin. She loved that when their mind should be on other things, his would always be on her.

Carl was like her source of power, of life. He was electricity, an embodied power that jump-started her heart, her mind and her soul.

Carl Grimes was her strength, and she would forever be his heart.

She'd lived a life of adventure and incident so far that she believed only lived inside of printed pages with limitless imagination. She was living in a world of freedom, yet it came with a price. Death. All she wanted now was to carry out her life, living the little things. She would be happy without any excitement for just a while. But for her, it never seemed to work that way.

Her feelings for Carl, they never changed. Whether it was the way he held her, kissed her or cared for her. She felt it with the same intensity as she always had. She felt protected, loved, however foolish such feelings were.

She didn't expect for their fight to be short-lived, all of them coming out un-scathed. She prepared herself for loss, she prepared herself for pain and longing, but she would fight until her last breath to see that they prevailed.

Lauren wanted to watch the life leave Negan's eyes, and her face to be his last sight.

She knew that it wouldn't be a day or even a week until they enacted their revolt, but it would happen. She would show him just how strong she really was.

She was deep in training as her mind wandered, the light night breeze raising the hairs on her arms. She trained every night for the past week. It wasn't easy to grasp back the strength she used to have. The pain in her back still lingered in her movements but she neglected to feel it. She needed to be strong. She needed to feel like Negan hadn't taken anything from her. Gradually, she brushed the dust from her memories and molded back into the fighter she used to be.

She struck quickly, and she almost always hit her mark. Her aim hadn't much changed, she still hit her target as she used to. She felt her crossbow as an extention of her body, and as the bolt left her weapon she knew that she wouldn't fail. She forced herself to remember little details of her past, and they came to her slowly but surely. She remembered every altercation with Negan, from his murder of Sam to the moment he shattered her mind and body. He still haunted her, but she was able to push her fears away, if only for a short while.

Sweat glistened on her forehead as she struck the straw dummy with her bare fists, her anger a weapon.

"You won't hurt me again," She whispered to herself, "I'm not afraid."