Forever Broken // Carl Grimes

Chapter 30

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line

I Walk The Line - Halsey
~•~

Lauren had found it easier to breathe in the few days that passed. She had made an effort to speak to all of the people who missed her. She knew by each of them that they wanted vengence for what he'd done to Glenn, Sam and her. She'd found fragments of her memories, little pieces that she grasped onto. The little pieces of herself that she so desperately wanted to fit together.

She knew that she was slowly killing Carl, like a toxin she invaded him and sucked the life from his heart. Each time she looked at him like a stranger, a piece of him died.

She woke each night in a cold sweat, and each time she did he would be beside her, his hands outstreatched as if asking permission to comfort her. She could never bring herself to let him. She saw the pain in his eyes, and she wanted to fix herself for him, if only she knew how.

She let people tend to her wounds, while she watched around her, listening to each whisper that floated through the air. She spent most of her time walking through the place she was suppost to uphold, Carl watching her from afar. She found herself becoming more comfortable in Greenview but there was something missing, a piece of herself that was hidden, dulled down to a flicker of heat beneath her skin.

"I was thinking we could go on a run?" Carl asked, "If you get out, back to what you used to do then maybe you'll remember yourself. Once you remember who you are, it'll all fall into place."

"I'd like that," Lauren nodded, casting her eyes down to her black attire, a warm feeling enveloping her as she looked down on herself.  She felt right. She picked up her machete, nostalgia creeping into her heart.

Carl smiled when he laid eyes on her. She looked like Lauren, and she was slowly letting those walls that surrounded her crumble. She was finding herself again, it was slow, but he believed that it would be worth the wait. Lauren still hadn't told him of the memory she'd remembered, she didn't want to draw too much attention to such a small detail. She knew he'd love that she was remembering again, but she didn't want Negan to see a change in them both.

She left the room with Carl, her room. When she walked through the lobby, she felt free. She felt like she had a life to live, beyond the fear of one man. She could see so many people, a hope shining as they watched her walk through, as they watched Lauren. She offered a swift wave to some of the people she'd spoke to more than just once since she arrived. She looked at Carol like a mother figure, and Judith like her own little sister. She knew that most were skeptic, still grieving, some blaming her for not acting. Rick was willing to give Negan everything he wanted, and Lauren believed that it would be for the best.

"I'll drive," Carl announced once he slung his leg over the quad and chuckled. She felt like a memory was playing in his mind, one with her in it.

"Am I that bad?" She asked, the corners of her mouth upturned ever so slightly.

"Not bad," Carl laughed. It was a sound she could get used to hearing every day, it caused her, "You're just a little life-threatening at the wheel."

Lauren chuckled.
"Good to know."

Carl's eye locked on hers and the smile that crossed his face made her cracked heart skip a beat. She felt her face heating and she looked down at her feet.