Cyanide | Loss

»sixteen«

Around one thirty it started to look stormy outside, which was completely normal for Star City in the spring, but like Felicity had said, I was pretty sure I had thunderstorm PTSD. By the time Oliver had driven me to Physical Therapy at Star City's Mercy Hospital the rain was coming down, and I was anxious.

"Don't worry." Oliver said. "You know you'll be fine."

"That's what I thought last time." I replied. I agree, it was kind of ridiculous, but I had every right to be scared. 

"Stop it, the odds of being struck by lightning are what? One in thirteen thousand? You're getting paranoid." Oliver said pulling into a handicap parking space up front.

"The odds of being struck by lightning twice are one in nine million." I said as I opened the door and popped up my umbrella.

"Exactly, so I don't know what you're worried about." He said.

"It's just the fact that it could happen, it's unlikely but that doesn't stop it from being possible." I replied. "Or maybe just that I was traumatized enough the first time. I'm not sure Dad, I just don't feel good when the weather is like this." I paused thinking about it. "But aren't the cards stacked against me now? I've been struck by lightning, Barry's been struck by lightning my dad hit Felicity with lightning, there's kind of a pattern."

Oliver nodded. "Mel, don't think like that you'll end up psyching yourself out."

We signed in and Oliver left me with Virginia for physical therapy.

"Maybe you should get an emotional support dog or something." Virginia suggested as I did exercises. 

"Ha." I smiled. "I would love that, but Oliver's allergic to all things cuddly, and Felicity is not gonna be happy having a dog and being pregnant."

"Makes sense." She replied. "How's life been?"

"Not the best." I said truthfully. "I mean, I'm alive, so that's great, but every time I stand back up the universe just pushes me right back down. Other than that, it's been pretty good." I paused. "What about dinner with Luke?" I asked about her date a few nights ago.

"Really good, actually." She replied. "I think it's gonna work out."

"Well tell me about him." I suggested, I really was interested, but I was also trying to distract myself from the sound of rain hitting the third floor window.

"He's a brunette with clear green blue eyes, and he's a forensic scientist." She said. "He seems really nice, he's everything I want really, but-"

"But what?" I asked.

"He's anti-vigilante." She sighed. "I mean it makes sense, they're doing his job for him and they're doing it for free, you know?"

I nodded, it did make sense. "But you're still pro right?" I clarified.

"Of course." She replied. "You know how many lives they've saved? Not to mention in half the time the police department can. I guess it's different when you're the police department that's constantly being outmatched."

"Makes sense." I said. "What about metahumans? Where does he stand there?"

"Oh he's fine with metas," she sighed. "Thinks it's really cool actually. I don't agree with him there."

I stopped my leg lifts. "You don't support metas, but you support the vigilantes?" I asked surprised.

"Pretty much, yeah." She replied. "I just don't think I can trust people with unnatural powers." Virginia shrugged.

"Okay." I sighed. If I've learned anything about being an opinionated teenager that doesn't get taken seriously, it's that a lot of the time it's just better to keep your mouth shut, it allows you to keep your friends from hating you.

"What?" She asked sensing my distaste.

"I'd have to agree with Luke on this one." I said. "They're people too, some of them just abuse their power."

"Okay." She replied.

I shook my head. Sometimes we had to agree to disagree, but it was moments like these that I just wanted to blurt out that I was a meta.

My phone buzzed.

I'm assuming lacrosse was canceled for the weather

It was a direct message through instagram from James.

I continued with my leg lifts and texted him back

Probably not, Captain Summers is hardcore. I just won't show up, my leg isn't water resistant.

Guess I'll see you at support group, my mom's making me go with Izzie. He replied.

See you then I said then closed my phone.

"So what was that?" Virginia asked looking over my shoulder.

"A friend." I said simply.

"Really? Just a friend?" She asked again.

No matter her opinions Virginia and I would always be close.

"I don't know, maybe." I said. "His little sister is in my support group, and we have some classes together."

"Think he likes you?" She asked stretching out my right leg.

"Like I said, I don't know." I shook my head. "He might just be being nice because of everything that happened to me, I hate to say it, but I'm really racking up the pity points." I paused. "A senior offered to carry my bag," I paused for emphasis. "a senior."

"Dang. You should take advantage of that before they figure out you're fine." She replied.

"I know, I just hate it and love it at the same time." I said. "Feels good to get attention, but then you realize it's because people think you're incapable of doing it yourself." That led on to a rant including a whole spiel on 'my injury does not define me' and everything like that which you probably don't want to hear. Thirty minutes later the forty five minute session was over and Oliver took me to support group. 

On the way there I asked him about the party.

"I have no problem with you going." He said. "But are you sure you want to go in this weather?"

"It's gone down." I replied. "I think I'll be fine." I unlocked my phone and texted Matt.

My plans got canceled, can I still come?

Of course he replied quickly.

What's your address? 

The conversation went on a while spilling into stuff that wasn't about the party. We had planned that I would go back to his place with him after support group. Lacrosse ended up getting canceled because the field was wet and potentially we could slip and die. I told Oliver to pick me up at eight. Two hours would be enough at a party considering I had a Palmer Tech conference on Monday since my spring break had finally started. I think Oliver was really happy that my break finally started so that he didn't have to keep picking me up from school early.

James and I talked a lot during support group and that was really all I did until Matt told me his sister was here to pick us up and we left, by then the rain had also let up.

>> hi friends!

I'm really loving college life!! I honestly think the me that wrote this back in high school would be so happy for me :) but also I cried in the shower because I remembered that homophobia is a thing.  life is wild, dudes. also I did not proofread this at all lol hope it's half decent.

hope you're all doing well!! (comment & vote if u want!)

<3, holly