The Phoenix Club (written as CJ Bishop)

CH 17: "Puzzle Piece"

N O T ever.

With those words, the man crumbled before his eyes, though he had admirably maintained his composure. Still, Abel had witnessed the fall behind his deep blue eyes, the crashing down of his heart. And Abel fell with it, feeling the pain, the heartbreak...the devastation.

Why did you have to like me? Why couldn't you be like everyone else out here in this shitty world and just look right through me? Not even see me? Why did you have to make me hurt you?

The doctor didn't push him once those words came out. He seemed to simply accept the reality that Abel was thrusting at him. And that made it all hurt just that much more. Did he think the man would protest? Ask why? Press him for that second date?

They walked the remainder of the way to Savannah's room in uncomfortable silence. Over and over during the short trek Abel wanted to take the words back, tell the man that – Yes – they could try again, give it another shot. But the words balanced sourly on the back of his tongue then slid down his throat, leaving a bitter trail behind. It would be crueler to give the man hope that they could actually have something together, when they couldn't. It was better to just cut him loose now rather than later when it would hurt more, cause more damage. Maybe this way, Devlin would merely come out of it with a few scratches and bruises – but no real scars.

Savannah was asleep when they entered the room. Abel walked to the bed as Devlin moved slowly towards the window and looked out. The day had grown overcast with the threat of a light rain. It seemed to fit the dreary mood inside the hospital room. Abel stared at the man's back for a moment, watched his hand creep up and rub his neck as if his muscles were tight with tension.

Images of last night flashed through his head. Why couldn't everything be that easy with Devlin? Why couldn't he just crawl in the man's bed, into his arms...and feel at total peace?

Abel pulled his eyes away and looked down at his sister. How could he even be thinking of Devlin right now? Tears burned and he slid his hand into Savannah's. She stirred a little and squeezed his hand weakly, her eyes drifting open heavily.

"Abel...you're here." A smile tried to form on her lips, but even that seemed to take too much effort. You have to get better. You have to! Don't leave me. She turned her head slowly and looked at the doctor, then forced the smile onto her lips. "Be nice to Dr. Grant." she whispered, barely audible. "He's a nice man. A good man."

"Don't try to talk right now." he said thickly, her words winding around his heart and squeezing until he could barely breathe, making him want to break down and cry. He longed for the peace he had found in Cole and Gabe's arms last night, that sense of love and belonging. He had felt so safe, so...untouchable by the cold world and its harsh realities. His feet ached to run outside, flee all the pain residing in this room, and just throw himself back into their arms and beg them to make it go away again.

"Abel?" Savannah murmured. "Why are you crying?"

He blinked quick as Devlin turned from the window, his clouded eyes settling on Abel's wet face. A deep anguish resonated in the man's gaze. Abel wiped at his face hurriedly then cleared his throat. "It's nothing. I'm fine." he rasped, not feeling anywhere near fine.

♦ ♦

Becoming a doctor was, in part, to rid Devlin of that sense of helplessness. Equipping him with the knowledge and education to actually do something positive in the lives of others. But staring at Abel, in this moment, he had never felt more helpless in all his life. For that fraction of a minute that Abel had held his eyes, he'd witnessed the truth of Savannah's declaration – He does like you – shimmering in those damp amber depths. But then it was gone, like an apparition vanishing into thin air.