Fan, but not a fan

Chapter 18

After a chill weekend. I start to really wonder what is up with Jay. It's one thing to give me some space, but this long. I hope he's ok. I kind of miss his morning hellos. I hope its not cuss I introduce him to my friends and now he feels little out of place or something. I hope not, I want him and my friends in my life together. Oh what am I kidding, it can't be. Maybe it's just me almost wishing I didn't as I liked the two life's. Oh but the way he was fitting in so well. At least that is what it looked like.

Taking a deep breath I let my hair out. Flowing down so freely. Feeling little looser and free. I go sit by the water fountain. Siting there, Zana finds me. Coming my way she comes to join me. Wondering what is up she says, "Jane is something bothering you? You don't seem like your self. Not like there's anything wrong with it."

Saying to it as I have one foot up playing with my hair. "Oh Zana, making sure what you say doesn't hurt." I turn around to face Zana. Still playing with my hair, going on, "to tell you the truth I'm little worried about Jay."

"Why so, I thought you two were doing so well. I certainly like him."

Bitting my lip thinking as I feel the nice warm sun a pone my face. I close my eyes. Almost loosing my self. I come back saying, "I thought so too. Till it's been some days sins I've seen him. I usually see him around somewhere. It's like he has become a ghost. I don't get it. I just hope he is not missing school cuss of it."

Zana comes in giving me a hug saying, "oh Jane, I know he means a lot to you. Even the way he makes you glow. From just being near him. It's like he sends a rai of light making you all worm inside and out. With that smile too."

"Zana you really have a way with words."

"I do get it from the best."

Pointing at my self,  I releas my self from the hug saying, "what me, that can't be. I may like to write, but I am no poet at it. If anyone is, it's you."

"I might be, but you got to admit what I've seen you wright is, wow."

Blushing little to it, saying. "Maybe so, but wow Zana." When I still have Jay on the brain hoping he is ok. Zana and I finally get up and head into school.

Jay POF
Through the school day I went. Feeling little odd. I even sat at the bench I usually wait for Jane. Leaving before she fond me. Having that day still hunt me. Wondering what Jane would think if she really knew who I was. For one thing I even skipped English class to make sure she wouldn't spot me. I know I'm bad. Good thing we only have one class together or I'd miss even more. Not that I haven't almost wished we did. I guess me being a coward is glad only one.

Instead of going home so to avoid bumping into my Manager. I went somewhere quite in town and called up my good friend from boarding school, Liom. Knowing he was the one person I can talk to about all of this. Just wishing I could talk to him in person. It's not the same over the phone.

The phone then rings and someone answered saying "well hey dud"

"Hey man."

"Oh no dud what is up?"

I say nothing for a moment almost not knowing what to say, but say, "oh nothing, I can't just call up by best friend. There has to be some reason to."

"No not at all. Just the sound in your voice says other wise."

Leaning against a tree seeing all that's around. From the flowers to the freshly cut grass. Saying as I tilt my head back. "Ok you got me. I did call for a reason. I just wish you were here to talk to."

"I know man I feel ya. If only it could be like when we were kids. Doing everything together. Now we're miles away. Nevertheless pleas tell me what's up. You sound down."

"Ya man."

Silence start to build. Ever passing second. Hearing the wind pass my face. Making me feel slightly cooler, then Liom says braking it all. "Earth to Jesse. I hope I didn't brake you or did we just get cut off. Hello man."

Shaking my head I say, "oh sorry, just feeling things I can't explain. My mind is going little crazy right now. Maybe I should let you go. We can talk about it later."

About to hang up when Liom says, "wait! I'm not going anywhere. Your going to start talking. When clearly you need someone to talk. Knowing that is why you called."

I start to pace in front of the tree. Talking like a mad man, "it's about this girl I met at school."

"Oh I think I remember you talking about her. Jane, right?

"Ya her." Sitting down under the tree I tell him all about the time at dance. Fidgeting with my hair here and there. I Scuf my feet from time to time. Going crazy as I talked on and on. Releasing my self to him. I don't even stop for a second. To the end of it.

Finally my mouth goes quite and Liom says, "oh Jesse, I know I'm not famous like you. Not having two of me like you do. Wow, I can tell you really care about her. I wonder though if you really can if your not being true to her."

Start to get little mad. I push the phone away a mint. Taking a deep breath starting to calm down. I pick up the phone and say, "Gosh I don't know. It's not like you know her."

"you just had to cool off. Good I thought I last you for good. I know man, I'm just saying."

"Ya but she is not hiding her self to me."

"That's true. When I know keeping your self a Secret is a fine thing. If I was you I would want another me I can be with out being mobbed and have a normal life. Such as going to highs school."

"I know. Just the way she was that day. Makes me wonder and worry what she'd really think." I let my head fall. Taking in the ground. From its texture to feel between my fingers, playing with it."

"I know this is corny, but all I can say is listen to your heart. Maybe confusing, but at least it will guid you to the right bath."

Starting to smile I say, "gees man it is, but ya your right for the most part."

"Oh gosh I'm glad I'm right at least some." Liom says in a slightly mad tone.

Feeling the sun on me saying, "gosh man, that what you think. Your wrong. Not at all. I even think that of my self at times."

"Ya ya, I just hope you figure it out. Knowing you this is the first time in a long time you have liked someone so passionately."

Letting the dirt fall from my hand. Slowing as each grain fell from the crevices of my fingers. My hand then falls to my side. Pushing my self up I walk on saying, "I hope your right, as my insides feel sharp as nails. I don't even know if I can go home."

"Oh man, you'll get through this." The line then goes quite for a sec. finally hear," At anytime at all call me. I'm here for ya. Just time I go. Got some school stuff to do. One last thing, you got this."

"Thanks man, I should get going too anyway. Talk to you later."

"Later man." Right then Liom hangs up. Being left with my self ones again. Scoffing my feet as I walk.  Thinking throw what Liom told me. To listen to my heart. Maybe corny, but he is probably right. Liom is usually right on theses things.

Right then my chest start to hurt. Not knowing why I sit down at the closest bench. Banding forward with my hands on my head. Breathing out and in, I start to feel the pain lessen. Still not feeling the best, with Jane still on the brain. Thanking Liom as I sat there. With out him I would for sure go crazy. Feeling a sharp pain in my heart. I look around and to be hold I see Jane. Feeling a little batter. I still couldn't face her. At least not yet. I put my hood up so not to be seen and head off having my hand on my chest trying to lessen the pain. Really wanting to go to her, but having my body tell me, no not now.