YouTuber Imagines x One Shots x Preferences

over//adam kovic

a/n; okay so this isn't even that great i just needed to write down words that help me because i'm doing terrible. k cool. also love funhaus mucho. sorry its short, sorry its lame, sorry its directed towards some guy

Rated; PG 13

tw; cutting, overdosing  hints

Dear Adam,

i hope you realize that it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter that you had to leave me, it doesn't matter that you can't even talk to me when we're in the same room, it doesn't matter that we can't look at each other without tearing up. they always say first heartbreak is the hardest and god, adam they were right. i couldn't even go five minutes without thinking about you when we were together. its so much harder now that you're not mine. 

i don't understand it. we were probably destined to fall apart from the start, if i really think about it. you walked in with bruce and i fell. something about you was just so goddamn intriguing and to be honest, i don't know why it was. i look at you still and i see the same qualities. i see your wide smile, your contagious laugher, the way you scrunch your face teasingly when someone does something ridiculous. you used to do that with me, i remember. i wonder if you still do. maybe you're still so overcome with rage you can't remember it, but i do.

i remember the way you held me, like i was something special. you'd run your hands up and down my back, just enough so it was comforting and not ticklish. you'd hold me close to you, letting me rest my head on your chest. there were so many times i could've fallen asleep like that, surrounded with happiness and warmth and love. but i didn't, just like i couldn't say no to aleks and his pleading.

you know i don't love him. and i think he knows that now that i won't respond to his messages. maybe he doesn't. maybe he's just upset that he doesn't have some girl wrapped around his finger at his disposal at all times. i know that every time he told me i was beautiful was because he wanted to see my boobs. i know it. 

i realized that i had been selfish to think that this one time wouldn't change things between me and you. i have now after hours and hours of thinking. with that thinking came tears, loud and ugly and the same ones you used to wipe away with the back of your thumb. with the crying came the headaches, the ones that would never seem to go away, regardless of how much advil i took, how much sleep i got.

but then again i didn't sleep much, i was too afraid. i took so many pills that i was afraid that the one time i fell asleep i wouldn't wake up again. i welcomed it, as i did with each drop of blood that poured out of my skin. it was like i had lost the little will to live that i had remaining, like there was something keeping me here. maybe that person was a guy named adam kovic

it was a mistake, trading our relationship for a ten minute game of truth or dare, that ultimately made me very upset once it ended. i always spoke about being objectified and how i hated it. ironic how ten minutes of me being objectified was what lost my entire world.

enough of my sob story, which i have no idea why im writing down. perhaps later ill come back to this and laugh at how childish i was to be in love with you. maybe i'll laugh as you hold me in your arms and you tell me that what we have is much much more than this. you'll tell me how the silly nightmares you had, no matter how lucid, were wrong and that you've realized that i'm worth every one. i'm worth all the pain and suffering that we've gone through is worth it.

i just hope that when you smile at her again, you're happy. i hope that when you laugh at her jokes, you call her baby girl, you hold her close to you, that its worth it. i hope that she makes you the happiest person ever, happier than i made you, happier than you made me. i hope that when she tells you that she loves you, you believe her the first time. i pray that when you tell her that you love her, you're not worried that she will break you. i pray shes nothing like me. and i pray that one day you'll tell your kids about me, and tell them my name.

tell elizabeth i still love her, regardless that shes dating my ex best friend and ex boyfriend.

adam, thanks for the time of being mine

yours always

(your full name)