Fallen

Chapter Thirty-Three

     It's been a long month since Dean has had the Mark of Cain. He was outraged when I told him about the red-haired woman and what she told me. He informed me that she was Abaddon. It wasn't long after I was released from the hospital that he unknowingly went to Cain and discovered the mark.

     I didn't have any major injuries from the crash, thank god. The worst thing is a few bruised ribs from the steering wheel. I have 9 stitches in my forehead from the gash. I also had a few sporadically spaced out on my palm from the glass. I've had those ones removed since being let out, though.

     Dean hasn't been the same since he got the mark. He acts differently. Some days are better than others. Some days, he's the real Dean. The Dean I fell in love with. Others... he's a completely different person. He's reserved and doesn't speak. And when he does, he's snarky and just plain rude.

     Cas has been staying with us again since the accident. He says he feels helpless because he can't help me. I constantly have to remind him that it's okay. I know that it's not his fault that he can't help me. And I don't mind it. Just having him around is enough.

     I had to tell Zeke not to heal me. To let my body heal on its own. I'm already going through enough without having to think of some kind of cover for Sam. I'm just not in the mood. I'd rather just ball up and go through it without help.

     Today is a better day. Dean is more himself. Thank god. I don't know how much more I can take. It's like dealing with someone having withdrawals. Some days, they're perfectly sane and ready to quit whatever drug. Others, they're almost hostile.

     I walk down the bunker hallways with a beer in my hand. Dean hasn't come out of his room in a while, so I thought a beer might make him feel better. When I reach his room, the door is open. I peek inside to see him sitting on the foot of his bed tracing over the mark with his thumb. I gingerly knock on the door, causing him to glance up at me.

     "You okay?" I ask, slowly stepping inside.

     He doesn't answer for a moment. "It's changing me, Cel," he says. "I can feel it."

     I set the beer on his desk and sit next to him. "Which is why you have to fight it." He looks up at me. I see something in his eyes I've never seen before. Fear. He's scared. "Any time you start to feel it take over you, you have to fight it." I take his hand in both of mine. "This is your body, Dean. Not the mark's. The mark has no say. None. You're the boss. Not this," I say, pointing to the mark.

     "I try, Cel," he pleads. "I try so hard." He breaks eye contact, looking back at his arm. "It's turning me into a monster." A tear escapes his eye and rolls down his cheek. "And I can't stop it."

     Without thinking, I let go of his hand and pick up his right arm. I bring his forearm up to my lips and kiss the mark. I look up at him. He's giving me a strange look. It almost looks like disbelief.

     "It doesn't scare me," I whisper. It's almost the truth. The mark itself doesn't scare me, but the thought of it changing my Dean does.

     Before I can return his arm to its previous position, he moves it to gently cup my face. I smile and rest my hand on top of his, rubbing my thumb back and forth on his skin. I move my other hand to wipe the tear off his cheek. He quickly grabs my hand and moves it to kiss my palm. More tears fall.

     It breaks my heart seeing him like this. Seeing him lost and scared. He doesn't know what to do. That terrifies him. Which terrifies me.

     He shakes his head and cries more. "I'm sorry I got you into this. I'm so sorry."

     "Shhh, it's okay," I say, moving to straddle him so that I'm directly in front of him. Now, tears fall from my eyes too. I rake my fingers through his hair to calm him down. "It's all going to be okay." I move my hands to either side of his face to wipe away his tears with my thumbs. "We'll figure everything out. We will, okay? Look at me."

     He looks up into my eyes and instantly calms down. "Everything will be okay," I say. Dean nods, and I lean in to kiss his lips. "Everything will be okay," I repeat, whispering.

     I kiss him again, longer this time. When I do, his large hands wander to my hips. I smile into the kiss. I've missed this. Even when things are as messed up as they are right now, these moments never fail to make us both feel better.

     After a few minutes of just kissing, Dean's hands roam under my shirt. He comes dangerously to one of my bruised ribs, and I instinctively grab his wrist to stop it. He breaks the kiss and gives me a confused look.

     "Maybe we should just stick to kissing," I say.

     He says nothing. He just goes back to kissing me. Before long, his kisses shift from my lips down to my neck. My heart rate rises. And not in the good way.

     "Dean," I try pushing him away, "I said no."

     I continue to try pushing him off of me but fail. He's never done this. I say stop, he stops. I say no, he says okay. He knows boundaries.

     He struggles against me. He continues to nip at my neck, and his hands fumble with my pants. He's so strong. Way stronger than me.

     "Dean, stop it!" I yell.

     I slap him. I had to. He left me no choice. He reacts immediately. I'm on the floor before I can even process that I've taken a blow. A hard one. Then the pain hits. The skin around my eye throbs, and blood drips from my cheekbone.

     "Cel?" He says. He stands up, and I cower away from him as tears pour from my eyes. "Oh god," he says. He starts to step toward me. "Cel, I didn't-"

     "Stop!" I plead. He stops. "Don't..."

     I frantically wipe the tears off my face as I get up and practically run out of the room. I head for the washroom, crying the whole way. Dean has never hit me. Ever. I silently tell myself that it was the mark. But then I think that something had to influence the mark. Something inside Dean had to make the mark act that way.

     Tears cascade from my eyes like waterfalls. I'm terrified to look in the mirror. Dean is strong. I've seen how hard he's hit other people and monsters. I can only imagine what the damage is.

     Finally, I work up the courage to look up. What I see only makes more tears fall. The skin around my eye swells and slowly turns more and more purple. The small cut on my cheekbone drips with blood.

     A knock sounds at the door. "Cel?" Sam's voice says. "Are you okay? I thought I heard you yell."

     I take a deep breath. "I'm fine," I lie. I choke my tears back so as not to alarm Sam. "I'll be out in a minute."

     "Are you sure? I can help you if you-"

     "I said I'm fine," I snap. I don't mean to be rude to Sam, I just want him to go away.

     There's a moment of silence before he speaks again. "Okay. Just let me know if you need anything."

     I nod, though I know he can't see it. "Thank you."

     Eventually, I'm able to calm down enough to clean myself up. Once I'm finished, I head toward my room, keeping my head down. Just as I round the corner, I plow into someone. Cas. Great. I try to get away before he notices my face, but I fail.

     He turns me around so that we're facing the directions from which we came. "Celeste, what happened to you?" He worries, lifting my chin with his forefinger.

     More tears fall as I frantically defend Dean. "It wasn't his fault, it was the mark, he had no control!"

     Cas's expression changes to anger. "Dean did this to you?" He tries to brush past me.

     I grab his arm and yank it as hard as I can. "No!" I practically yell. "It wasn't his fault; Daddy, please don't do anything!" A single droplet rolls down my cheek. "Please," I beg, whispering.

     Cas sighs. He nods and places his hand on my face. He then leans down to plant a gentle kiss on my forehead before pulling me into a hug.

     I cry into his chest. "Thank you."