Fallen

Chapter Sixteen

The next day is more of the same. I've gotten further in angel training in the past two days than I have in the past week with the Winchesters around. You never know how distracting someone really is until they're gone. Dean texted me earlier saying that he and Sam were okay.

Just after the sun goes down, Cas and I take a break from training, and I fix myself some dinner. "Are you hungry?" I call from the kitchen.

Cas appears behind me. "Angels do not require sustenance," he says in his signature monotone growl.

"They don't?" I ask. In all the time that I've been with Cas, I've never really noticed that I've never seen him eat. Shows how observant I am.

"No. Which is why you only need half the amount of food humans require to live," he says. "Surely you've noticed that you never eat as much as the people around you."

"Yeah, I've noticed," I say, stirring my chili. "I just didn't really pay it much attention."

After a few more minutes of stirring my chili, I turn off the burner and pour it into a bowl. I quickly rinse out the pot and head to the library. I sit down and begin to eat. The silence makes my mind wander. I think about the boys and their hunting and my mom. And Castiel.

I find myself wondering about him. Wondering what he's been through. Wondering what goes on in that angel mind of his. I find myself wondering what he thinks of me. Does he think of me the way a father thinks of his daughter? Or am I just another person to him?

Eventually, I start to think of him and my mother. I think of the way she looked at him when he brought her back that first day. I think of the way he touched her cheek when their eyes met. I sit wondering how they met and how they came to fall in love. If that's even what happened. Then I realize something.

"Castiel," I say, finally breaking the silence.

"Yes?"

"You said that you've been on Earth for four years, right?"

His face seems to stiffen at the question. "Y-yes..."

"And you had to get a new vessel at that time, didn't you?" I query.

He looks confused. Like he's silently asking where I'm going with this. "That's correct," he cautiously says.

I furrow my brows. "Then... how did my mom recognize you? After you brought her back."

His lips part ever so slightly. He's taken aback by my question. "I um," he starts. He pauses, and I can tell he's trying to find the right words. "I visited her. A few years ago."

I jump to my feet, my mood immediately changing. "You what?!" I yell.

He rises to his feet as well. "I can explain, I-"

"You had time to visit her but not me?!" I cut him off. I can't believe this. "What the hell, Castiel?"

"Celeste, listen-"

     "No!" I cut him off again. "You lied to me! You told me you 'had duties to fulfill.' Did those duties include completely ignoring the existence of your own daughter?"

     "I didn't-"

     "Why couldn't you have just told me this the first time we fought about this? After everything I told you! Why'd you have to wait for me to start to warm up to you and start to actually trust you? Or were you just hoping I wouldn't find out?"

     "I didn't know what to say to you, alright?!" He snaps. I stay silent. He lowers his volume. "That's why I didn't try to come meet you. I was afraid of you reacting like this. I was afraid of your disapproval and resentment towards me."

     For a moment I don't know what to say. I'm baffled by his words. "You were scared of what I would think of you?"

He just looks at me. I see hints of shame and guilt on his face. "I really have been watching over you, Cel," he finally says. "Your mother was right about that." The corners of his mouth curl up a bit. Like he's smiling at her memory. "I heard what you told your friends about me. Your true opinion of me. That's why I was afraid to try to meet you. I knew what you thought of me. Although, you weren't... entirely wrong..." he trails off, lowering his head.

I take a hesitant step toward him. Everything that's happened... He's been protecting me. Taking me away from home, introducing me to the Winchesters, training me... He's done it all to protect me. From the demons that are after me. He cares about me. Really. He wouldn't go through so much trouble if he didn't care, if he didn't want me safe. Right?

Upon realizing all this, I advance towards him and basically attack him with a hug. He stands with his arms hovering over me for a moment as I squeeze my arms tighter around his waist. "Yes I was," I counter.

Finally, he wraps his arms around my shoulders and leans his head on mine that rests against his chest. We stay like this for what feels like hours but is really only a few minutes. The comfortable silence envelops us until I finally speak again.

"Hey, do you think I have enough power to find the boys now?" I ask, pulling away just enough to look up at him. "I might be able to help them somehow."

     "I'd say so," he says. "But I have to warn you: Sam and Dean are almost constantly in some kind of trouble. Wherever they are, you need to be ready to fight. Just in case. Do you think you're ready?"

     I take my angel blade out of my boot and squeeze the handle. "How do I find them?"