His Broken Mate

Chapter 17

GUYS I'M BACK! Explanation at the end of the chapter. Enjoy :)

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Elaina's POV

"WHERE IS SHE?!" I gasp, waking up to the sound of my angry mate, and he sounds terrifying. I start shaking and tears well up as memories of anger being shot at me flood my mind. Is he angry at me? Is he going to punish me? I can't stop my fearful thoughts from coming and I immediately start hyperventilating and rocking back and forth. I haven't had a full-blown panic attack in a couple weeks, but that streak is over.

My mind becomes completely clouded with fear and all I can focus on is trying to breathe and hugging my knees to my chest. Thoughts race through my mind so fast I can't focus on any of them, just the overwhelming fear.

"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN, I NEED MY FUCKING MATE NOW!" I hear him stomping through the house looking for me, and I sob into my knees.

" Calm down, it's all going to be okay, just breathe," my wolf shakily says to me. It's usually just the human part of me that has panic attacks, but I can feel Elizabeth's anxiety mixing in with mine. I'm shivering like crazy and my nails are digging into my arms, drawing blood.

I'm squeezing my legs with so much force that my cuts are throbbing and aching, and my joints are staring to hurt from my body tensing in panic. I try taking deep breaths, but to no avail. My head aches and I feel dizzy, and all I really want right now is to still be asleep, or to be nonexistent.

"Calm down, calm down, calm down," I whisper, but all I can hear is Xavier's roars and stomping getting closer to my door, until it finally slams open, and I burrow my tear-covered face further into my legs just as two big arms wrap around me and roughly pull me into his lap. Tears soak my jeans as Xavier buries his face in my hair, taking deep breaths. He growls, making me shiver in fear and grip onto my arms even tighter.

"Mine," he growls; it sounds like his wolf took over. His voice is low and husky. "Mate, my mate." I start sobbing again as he continues breathing in my scent. After maybe five minutes, he takes control of himself again and seems to be more self-aware.

"Oh shit. Are you okay?" he asks gently, slightly calming me.

I sob into my legs. "I-I'm s-sorry. D-don't hurt m-me p-please." I sound so pathetic, this is all my fault for leaving.

He pets my hair, making me flinch and relax at the same time. My mom used to play with my hair to calm me down, and it still works. "Shh, don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you. Why would I?" He asks gently.

"B-Because I left." I sniffle, trying to regain control of my breathing. I hear him sigh, but don't dare to peek out from behind my limbs and hair.

"It's okay, I'm just glad I have you back now," he replies with a hesitant kiss to my hair. His kind gestures shock me, he should be punishing me right now for leaving, or yelling at me, but he's not. It's obvious he cares about me, I'm just so terrified to let someone in; it's always blown up in my face.

I still feel really awful for leaving him, I was too much of a coward to stay. It's just that I've been through so much pain and abuse, I can't really function, and all the constant fear and sadness is so exhausting, I can't bear to exist like this much longer. I force my limbs to relax a bit and look up at my mate, seeing he's almost as big a wreck I am.

Dark bags under his eyes make him look like he hasn't slept since I left; his hair is messy and unwashed, and his clothes are wrinkled, dirty, and slightly torn. Seeing how much I hurt him just makes me feel ten times worse so I lean into him, trying to offer some kind of comfort, trying to push away my consuming anxiety. I sniffle again as he wipes the wetness from my face, sending sparks and warmth dancing across my cheeks. "I'm s-so sorry," I whisper into the dark fabric of his shirt, looking away from his face. Just imagining the anguish I put him through makes me grab at the cloth covering my heart, feeling the pain of someone you care for leaving.

"We're together again, there's no need to be sorry." His words bring some comfort, but the thought of us being together still sends flashes of panic coursing through my body. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself before looking back up to see him already looking at me with this look of kind of sad happiness. I dart my eyes away again, still extremely uncomfortable with eye contact with people. "Are you packed and ready to move back to our pack?"

"Um, I-I'm packed. A-Also, Cat and Kaeden are c-coming with us. Is th-that okay?" I ask nervously. He thinks for a few seconds.

"Yes, whatever you need to come back with me."

"O-Okay. Thanks." I inwardly cringe at how much I'm stuttering. It only gets bad like this when I'm really nervous. Which is pretty much all the time.

I lightly wrap my arms around his waist to show my thanks, but just as I go to pull away, Xavier firmly keeps me in place. "I just got you back, I'm not letting you out of my grasp just yet," he growls sternly, his wolf starting to come back out again.

"Okay, s-sorry." I softly trace circles on his back, trying to calm him down for both our sakes because if he gets angry like that again, my heart will explode from beating so fast in fear. I feel his tense muscles relax, but he holds me closer still, seeming to enjoy it. I giggle at his reaction and continue lightly tracing shapes on his fabric-covered back, actually feeling kinda comforted by the contact. My heart rate slowly gets back down to normal as I take deep breaths and lean into Xavier.

He wipes the remaining tears from my cheeks and sighs in content. "Are you ready to go?" I nod in reply, and he returns it with a smile. He zones out for a minute, mind linking some pack members who come up and grab my luggage. I give them a grateful look; my weak, shaky body can barely breathe right now.

I'm so emotionally and physically exhausted, I nearly fall over when I stand up but I manage, knees buckling, to make it downstairs where I am reunited with Cat and Kaeden, who immediately hug me. They no doubt heard all the yelling and thought I probably passed out from fear, which I nearly did. Xavier growls lowly (probably at the contact I'm making with Kaeden), but thankfully doesn't do anything harsher. I'll probably have a heart attack if he starts screaming at people again.

"Thank the Moon Goddess you're okay!" Cat tightens the hug before letting go. I offer a small grimace-like smile, not being able to actually smile; my lips are still trembling along with the rest of my body from the whole fiasco that has been the last twenty minutes. 

"Ready?" Kaeden asks with one last squeeze to my left hand before finally succumbing to Xavier's glares and letting go. I shrug, uncomfortable with everyone's eyes on me, especially Xavier's.

"I suppose," I say quietly, taking a few steps toward the door. Everyone follows, and we make it outside to see a few black Jeeps waiting for us. I offer one last wave to Garret. "Thanks."

He nods back in a happy sad way along with a wave of his own. I guess this is it, I'm really going with Xavier. I climb into the passenger seat of Xavier's personal car rather than one of the Jeeps, my luggage piled up in the backseat. I anxiously watch Cat and Kaeden get into a separate car and take a deep breath as Xavier starts up the engine. I glance at him once more before settling with staring out the window, thinking about what happened last time I went to Xavier's pack. Hopefully this won't go too horribly.

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So basically I've got a lot of emotional problems because my life sucks so I was at a residential program for five weeks, I just got back a few days ago. I apologize for how long it took to publish this, but you guys are so awesome, thanks for reading!

I've got some big plans for this book, I am very excited! I can't wait for you guys to see what I've got in store for you guys ;) mwahaha

Okay anyway thank you so much for reading, and stay tuned, hopefully I'll update soon :)

~MysticWillows