His Broken Mate

Chapter 14

Yay I'm not dead, I just suck at updating this book. I was busy getting married and having fourteen children lol

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Elaina's POV

After we finish our food, we pay and head home. We just kinda hang out for the rest of the day, and we decide to have a sleepover in the same living room as yesterday. I grab some extra pillows, Cat brings literally a picnic basket full of food and soda, and Kaeden gets a couple fluffy comforters.

Everything gets plopped down on the floor, and as Cat turns on the TV and looks for a movie, Kaeden and I set up a big make-shift bed on the floor, with one blanket to lay on, pillows to cuddle with and lean against the couch with, and a blanket to use when we go to sleep.

Finally, Cat settles on the floor with us after selecting a movie. She pauses it the second it starts, and drags me upstairs to change into pajamas. She wears a pair of pink shorts and a yellow shirt, and I throw on a long sleeved black shirt, and some black sweatpants.

Now that we're changed, Cat leads me back through the halls of the pack house to where the movie is set up. We all settle down on the floor and crack open the basket of food as Kaeden starts the movie. Everything is relatively okay, but all through the movie, I can't focus on watching it, I'm trapped in my mind. My heart beat echoes out through my chest down to my fingertips, I feel heavy and lethargic, drowning in depression.

My heart starts beating faster and faster as I think about literally everything wrong happening, from a hunter breaking in and killing us to Xavier finally getting through my mental barrier and begging me to come back. I dig my nails into my arm as my thoughts race through my head, trying to cut through the hazy wall of overwhelming thoughts and feelings with a stab of pain in my wrist from my sharp nails. I start bouncing my leg up and down frantically, and both Cat and Kaeden look at me worriedly so I force myself to stop bothering them with my leg, and release my arm from my painful grasp, and they look back to the movie after a few seconds of my awkward smiling. I glance down to see a little bit of blood rising up from the little, nail-shaped marks in my arm.

I yank my sleeve down a bit, as it had ridden up while I was anxiously squeezing my arm. I try to calm my pounding heart by taking a few deep breaths through my nose, but it had already set in. The urge to slice through my skin with a fresh razor had me itching at my barely healed scars. Don't get me wrong, I don't love my self injury, but it's comforting, and it helps me balance out the physical and emotional pain. It's like an old friend, and I think it's time to meet up for old time's sake.

For the rest of the movie, I occupy my fingers by picking at a couple loose string sticking out of the seams of my sleeve and playing with my hands. By the time it's over, both Cat and Kaeden are slumped over and lightly snoring. I carefully climb out from under the blanket and tiptoe over to the TV and observe as the screen displays the credits then suddenly goes black as I turn it off. I slowly sneak out of the room, cringing when the floor creaks under my socks, and whipping my head back to make sure I didn't wake them up. When I'm a few steps away from the room, and satisfied that they're still asleep, I straighten up and start walking normally, trying to remember how to get to my room.

Walking through the halls, I take the wrong turn a few times and occasionally have an awkward meeting with one of the pack members, but I eventually arrive at the familiar hall of bedrooms. I enter my room, quietly closing and locking the door.

[TRIGGER WARNING for self harm]

I sneak into my bathroom, quietly taking my toiletries bag out of one of the drawers and pulling out my trusty razor. I sit down on the cool tiles, staring at the shiny weapon of relief for a minute. Am I really doing this? I'm a horrible person for destroying my body but the relief I get from it is addicting and comes immediately. Too bad it goes away almost as soon as it comes.

I glance at the closed door, glad for some privacy before bringing the razor to my scarred arm. The sweet bite of metal consumes my thoughts as I run the blade over my skin again and again, going up to the elbow before moving on to the other arm, and soon enough my thighs and stomach.

I eventually and reluctantly put down the blade and strip down, quickly jumping into the shower to rinse off the blood. As soon as it stops rushing out of my ripped flesh, I grab my clothes and gently clean the blood off them. After a few minutes I take the opportunity to wash my hair and body, soon after stepping out of the tub with my sopping wet pile of clothes that ring out and hang on the bar holding up the curtain, hoping they'll be dry tomorrow. I wrap up my fresh wounds before yanking on some pajama pants and a soft tank top and hopping into bed, feeling better and much, much worse at the same time.

I'm both glad and upset that I gave in to my urges. I rub my arm through the fabric bandages, feeling the sting of fresh cuts. I fall asleep with a few tears falling down my cheeks and my shame and sadness weighing down on my chest.

Xavier's POV

My mind races with desperate thoughts of loneliness, guilt, and most prominent of all, a crushing sadness. My brain is buzzing with a mess of feelings when suddenly I start feeling lines of piercing pain progressively covering more of the skin on my arms. Elaina! My precious mate is in pain! I whimper as I look down at my arms, imagining her . . . injuring herself. Is she okay? What happened?

I gather all the strength both my wolf and I have, and start beating down the wall my Elaina built up between us. She must be exhausted, or asleep, because soon enough I feel myself enter her mind.

Elaina's POV

After what feels like seconds of sleep, I'm woken by the barrier in my mind being broken down, giving me a headache. I had kept the wall up between Xavier and I so long that I ran out of energy and he broke it down while I was sleeping.

"Mate! My love, my sweet Elaina!"

Oh shit.

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Yeah, I'm alive again. Long story short, I was in outpatient for three weeks, inpatient for a week, and then in outpatient for another three weeks for depression, self injury, suicidal shit and a crapload of other issues so yeah this update took a while, sorry.

Thanks so much for reading, and all your votes, comments, etc. it really means a lot :)

~MysticWillows