"Don't leave me! Please don't leave me here!!"
"Calum, sweetie. Everything is going to be okay, I promise." My mum comforted me.
Right now, we were standing outside the eating disorder center, Rosewood Inpatient.
I was released from the hospital about 2 weeks ago. My heart rate came back to normal, same with my breathing. I also become a bit stronger. But that scared the living hell out of me. That means, I gained weight.
"I don't want to go in." I mumbled holding on to her arm tightly.
"Calum, you have to go." Luke said coughing a bit.
"Yeah says you." I rolled my eyes. I know what he's been doing. I do the same. I hear him turn on the shower when he goes to the bathroom to vomit, same with putting on loud music. I know that he has some sort of eating disorder, but I haven't been able to talk to him about it because I've been in the hospital and inpatient.
I wonder if his family knows about it, or Ashton or Michael. Maybe I just am able to recognize an eating disorder in someone because I have one myself. It's quit strange to think that most people think that eating disorder are girl disorders, yet 2 males out of 4 in the band have a "girl" disorder.
"Whatever Calum, you know I'm fine." he whispered to me.
"No you're not Luke! You're bulimic."
"No I'm not!" He tried to look surprised.
"Stop lying Luke! You need help too." I said trying to get him to at least admit it.
"This is about you Calum, not me. You need help before I do. You look like a walking skeleton! I look like a hippo!"
"Not true and not true. You're not a hippo! You look extremely under weight!"
"That's off topic. Let's find your mum, I think she went inside." He took my hand and led me to the front doors of the center.
"Calum! Great to see you again!" A lady that I recognized from last time. I think she's the main director or something, she helped me get settled last time.
I smiled and tried to pick up my luggage, but I was took weak. "I got it." Luke said.
My mum continued to sign papers as that same lady took Luke and I to my new room.
"I'm Maranda if you have forgotten" she smiled a little too energetic for a mid 50 year old. "What's your name?" she asked mentioning to Luke.
"Oh I'm Luke Hemmings, Calum's friend." he shook her hand.
"Very nice to meet you!" We walked a bit further till we arrived to my room. "Here we are, I will leave you to get settled."
I opened the door to see another guy in there. He was lying on the bunk bed and looked up from his comic book and rolled his eyes.
"Well." Luke laughed, and I giggled.
"You can have the left side of the closet and the too bunk." He said not looking away from his book.
The guy looked about 17 or 18 years old, extremely skinny, probably anorexic, black fringe, dark black and grey clothes. He seemed cool, just his attitude was shit.
Last time I was here, I was in a room alone because there were already 4 males there, 2 in each room so I lived alone. Hopefully this time I could make a friend. I'm trying to be at least a little optimistic.
Luke and I started to hang up my clothes. We had small talk, I could tell that guy was listening in on us.
"So which one of you has the eating disorder?" He interrupted.
Luke and I made eye contact. "Uh I do. Well technically we both do but I'm here for inpatient."
"What do you mean you both do. If you both do, then you both should live in this hell hole." He said angrily.
"I don't have an eating disorder, I'm just here for my friend." Luke said hanging up a shirt.
"Yeah whatever man. Get help if you want. Even though this place sucks, I'm getting better. So that's good I guess." He rambled.
Luke hummed in response. I think he's starting to realize that he has a problem too. It took me awhile to realize I'm anorexic, I just didn't have to admit that I did.
Soon we finished so we left the room. We found my mum talking to a nurse I remember from before. She was really nice to me, her name is Katy.
"Calum!" "Katy!" I hugged each other for a second or two. "How are you?" I asked.
"Never better. How about you dear?"she asked lowering her clipboard she always carries.
"I'm alright." I shrugged with a smile.
"Well we actually have to do something right now. Remember how we had to weigh you-"
"No I'm not getting weighed, I was just weighed at the hospital when I first arrived there . I remember I was 132."
"I know Calum, but we have to weigh you again. Just to see what you weigh, to see the start weight. And the last time you were weighed was over 3 weeks ago. That's been awhile, so if you all would follow me." She suddenly became more serious so my mum, Luke and I all followed her to this small room.
The room had a counter, scales, and a doctors bed and 3 chairs.
"You know the routine." She joked, but I wasn't. I took off my shoes and my belt.
"Okay step on please."
I looked over at my mum, she looked pretty nervous as well. For the matter of fact, they both looked like they didn't want to see the number either.
I took a deep breath and stepped on the scale.
124 pounds.
Less than I thought. I'm 6'2. That's not abnormal weight.
What am I thinking?! That's not enough! Why aren't I 120 or 110? I need to lose more but being in this clinic they would never let me.
"Your bmi (body max index) is 15.9. You're extremely underweight Calum. You're in the anorexic category."
Great. Now my mum is crying. Now Luke looks very upset. Now my nurse looks nervous. And now, I'm disappointed in myself.
