Imagine If You Assembled The Avengers: Volume 2

The Village Idiot (Avengers x reader)

"Guys, a group of world-saving superheroes shouldn't be filling an idiot jar with almost ten thousand dollars in one month. I fear for the safety of humanity, not gonna lie."

"In our defense," Steve stood, "at least half of that was Stark."

"Hey, you had your share, Cap," Tony argued, standing as well. "I'm not the one who landed the quinjet in the pool last week."

"The controls went out!"

"You know, the pool doesn't freeze over," you offered with a snicker, "if you're looking for another nap, Capsicle, the lake might be a better choice."

Steve gasped aloud, a look of both shock and hurt in his expression with his mouth wide as he spun to glare at you. The room fell silent when everyone joined him to stare, but Tony burst out laughing almost immediately. "Shit, I think you should win the whole thing, kid, just for that. Go buy yourself something nice."

"Thanks, but can't," you groaned, stacking the bills into neat piles on the kitchen table, "my name's in here too."

"What did you do?"

"I dropped Thor's hammer and made a hole in the fourth floor. And a hole in the third floor. And the second..."

The group turned to stare again, much as they had just done, but this time Tony wasn't laughing at all. "Hold on, let me get this straight. You lifted the hammer? By yourself? He wasn't helping?"

"What," you scoffed, "like it's hard?"

"It's impossible," Clint joined in. "We've all tried, and you just stroll in and grab it like it's nothing?"

"Not nothing. It's a little heavy," you shrugged, going back to your work, "thus, the two hundred I had to throw in here. Actually, our anonymous donor has the win."

"Okay, so now you have to tell us who it is," Natasha insisted, standing up next to Steve and Tony, "if they're taking all of this, we get to know." Her eyes were drawn to the side window where a helicopter had come in to land, shaking her head with disbelief when Nick and Maria exited and made their way to the door. "No way, he's not even here to put money in!"

"I had Maria watching him," you explained, "and I know she'd love to catch him doing stupid shit."

"Hello, children," Nick greeted as he made his way over to you. "Well, well, well, look at this! I'm so glad you asked me to join in, (Y/N), thank you, sweetheart. I think I owe you a nice dinner. Looks like I can afford it."

"Yeah, rub it in, Mad-Eye," Tony huffed, crossing his arms tightly, "it was rigged. Next month you don't get to play."

"Come on, Stark, don't be a sore loser. I just don't do stupid things, as a general rule. I was a guaranteed win, so how could I say no to that?"

"Yeah, okay," Maria coughed into her hand quietly behind him. When the room again silenced, she looked up to see that she had caught everyone's very eager attention to hear what she had to say. "Sorry, I uh...tickle in my throat..."

"Say it, Hill," Tony warned, walking up to her with a finger pointed sharply. "You spit it out right now and we'll get you in on the payout. Hell, I'll give you five thousand out of my pocket right now."

"Hill?" Nick also warned with his tone, stepping closer from the other side.

"Um, so last week-"

"Maria!" Nick interrupted, trying to take another step, but Tony rushed forward and got between them.

"Go on," he goaded, "I've got you."

With the sudden burst of energy directed at her, she felt a rush of panic and and urgency to get out of the situation, making her words tumble and spill out as quickly as she could say them. "We were at a function at the White House and Nick had a few drinks when he overheard someone say something about Steve and he told the President that if he were a gay man he would be 'all over that beautiful ass'." She stopped and grimaced, preparing herself for the wrath of her boss, but thankfully the team had her back and turned their focus readily to Nick.

"I might have said that, yes," he agreed sheepishly. "But Steve, I want you to know that I had a few too many, and sometimes I say things that I don't mean."

"Hmm, okay," Steve nodded in reply, bringing his hand thoughtfully to his chin, "that's fine, Nick, no harm done. It's flattering, really. You're a very attractive man, yourself."

"Oh god, stop," Nick whined, turning to leave.

"Hey Fury, if you'd rather take Steve to dinner, I can bow out," you offered. "He hasn't been on a date in a while, so I know he'd say yes. He might even put out."

"I hate you guys."

"Nick, you're forgetting your money!"

"It's not worth it," he replied, pushing himself through the door without looking back, "keep it!"

Maria stood silently and watched as her boss ran away, a little worried that she had ruined the chance at getting a day off for the next year after giving away the one thing that she had sworn to keep to herself. When you stood next to her with your hands out and full of cash, she quickly forgot all about it.

"Congrats," you smiled, nudging her gently with your shoulder, "the only reason I asked him to play was to get dirt, and you came through beyond what I hoped for. We're gonna get so much mileage out of this, we would have paid double."