Imagine If You Assembled The Avengers: Volume 2

Chimichangas and Doritos (Deadpool/Rogers x reader)

Warning: Language, because Deadpool

"You actually cooked for me? You?"

"Okay, I'm gonna do my best to not be offended," Wade chuckled, "but yes, I can cook. I've kept myself alive for this long, haven't I?"

"Says the indestructible man," you smiled. The kitchen of your apartment did smell like he was making something delicious and it drew you in. You couldn't see what he was doing, his back turned to you as he worked almost frantically over the stove, so you approached carefully to slip your arms around his waist and peer around at his creation. "Wow, that actually looks edible."

"You know, if you're gonna be a little shit about this, I can stop."

"No, no, I'm sorry." You gave a gentle squeeze around his middle that elicited a gentle hum in his chest; you rested your head against his back and held him that way as he continued to cook. It was a rarity that you were able to be away from the team for a day off and that he could join you for an actual dinner date, so you wanted to enjoy every minute of it.

"Yeah, I know," he agreed, "I feel like we never have time anymore either."

"How did you know I was thinking that? Xavier helping you get into my head now?"

"Well, he did help me get into your pants..."

"Excuse me?" you gasped, pulling back in shock, but he turned quickly and grabbed you before you could get away.

"Calm down, (Y/N), I only meant that he finally got off my back about you being an Avenger...yuck. What the fuck did you think that I meant? That I was going to let chrome dome anywhere near you?"

"I don't know, but none of it would have been good," you scoffed, giving him a sideways glance. "I never know what you're up to, Wilson. But at least I'm never bored, I suppose." When he tipped his head down for a kiss, you paused and pushed back, looking around him with wide eyes. "Wade, you're on fire."

"So are you, baby."

"Hey, dumbass, you're actually on fire," you said again, turning him roughly with a few slaps on his shirt to put out the growing flames about to work their way up his back. "This is why I'm shocked that you can cook. You can understand my hesitance."

"You just wanted to touch my ass, admit it. You know this all belongs to you, sweetheart, just grab it."

"I'll admit no such thing-" you stopped, hearing a familiar ringtone from the phone in your pocket, grumbling loudly at what you knew was about to happen. "He can't be serious," you muttered, pulling it out with a scowl at what you were reading. "Dammit. Wade, I'm sorry, Cap needs me."

He reached up and took your other hand away from its continued hold on him, dropping it from his grip with a small and angry shove. "And I don't?"

"That's not what I meant."

"This is the first amount of time that we've had together in weeks, (Y/N)."

"Wade, this is my job. You know that this could happen. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"Whatever, just go. God forbid that we keep Captain Fucking America waiting." Wade turned back towards the stove and turned it off, throwing the spoon he was using into the pan with a loud bang. "It's not like you actually believed that I could pull this off anyway." He picked up the pan and dumped the contents into the nearby garbage, then tossed it into the sink carelessly before turning to leave without another word.

~~~

There weren't many things that could startle Steve, but when you stormed into the hangar bay, throwing your pack into the jet with a loud crash as it slammed against the shield and knocked it over, he nearly fell out of the pilot seat at the sudden commotion. You ignored his shocked expression and questioning gestures as you strapped into your seat, mumbling incoherent curses under your breath and refusing to engage.