"Are you freaking kidding me?" I asked still very irritated.
"Look I don't need you to act like a spoiled brat when I was just coming to check up on you. Maybe this is why bad things happen to you, don't you think so?" Cris snapped.
"Dude you don't need to be rude to her, she was just trying to get away from all the-" Rafa began to explain.
"No one asked you, shut up already. I only sent you here because for some unknown reason, Lina listens to you. She listens to Neymar too now though so maybe I should've sent him instead." Cris spat.
"You know what," I calmly began, "I don't need this." And with that, I hopped into my car and drove away. I could say where but not even I knew that. I just kept making turn after turn and I didn't stop until I felt far enough from everything and everyone. To my surprise, I ended up at my favorite beach access. The one I took Neymar to. I got out of the car, walked to an open spot in the sand, and plopped myself down. I sat there for a while, not sure how long, and just stared at the sky. It was unusually clear and it looked beautiful. I always thought I was weird for enjoying things like this but at this point, being weird was the least of my worries. There, alone, I began to think about everything. And when I say that, I mean it.
I thought about the summers when I visited my grandparents and my grandma always loved to buy me dresses instead of t-shirts because I never really dressed up. Or how I actually didn't like any of them but I wore them anyway because she was in love with them. Then my mind lingered to the nights when I would say I was staying at my friend Gabriella's house but we actually went with our camp friends to play football all night. (It's more fun than it sounds) Then came the memory of my brother: when I was so upset at him for moving to the other side of Portugal to get his training for the national team and then getting more upset when he moved to Madrid. I didn't think I'd ever forgive him for that, but look at us now. Thinking about him led to me thinking about my dad. I have vague memories from when I was little but they're all a blur. I don't want to remember someone who didn't want me though, so the less I recalled, the better. Unaware of it, I began to let tears out. No sobbing, no knot in my throat, tears were just falling out. I didn't stop, I just kept remembering and realizing a lot. I had an Olympic Trial in less than a month and I had the greatest support system anyone could ask for. My mom gave up a lot to try making me a professional athlete like my brother and I really did owe everything to her, my grandparents, and as much as I dislike him right now, I owe it to my brother as well. I heard someone quietly approaching but I was too exhausted to check who it was. They sat next to me and I felt them wrap their arm around my shoulder. I immediately recognized that cologne as Isco's. My best friend that I told absolutely nothing to now.
"Don't worry," he said, "I don't need you to tell me. Just know that I'm here and I'll understand whenever you decide you want to let it all out."
This is why I was so close to him. He could read me like an open book most of the time and that's something not a lot of people were able to do. He didn't even look at my face, he just sat there with me and didn't say a word. I leaned on his shoulder and began to breathe really hard. My chest got tight and I started to panic a little. I tried to calm myself down but it didn't work.
"Lina, breathe." Isco instructed. "Count backwards from 10. Just relax." He said as he rubbed my arm/shoulder. This is what was so great about him. I had anxiety attacks a lot when I was younger and he always walked me through the process of calming myself down. It hadn't happened in a while but with everything going on, who could blame my body for reacting like this?
I slowed my breathing and thankfully, the panic attack didn't get bad. "Thanks," was all I could get out.
"Soooo.. do you want to talk now or?" He asked carefully.
"No," I replied. "I just want to sit here and take it all in." Not even I knew what 'it' was but I knew 'it' was a lot to wrap my mind around. I lied down on the sand and dozed off a little bit. I then felt myself being carried and placed on a seat then I heard a car door close. I didn't even open my eyes, I was way too exhausted. I just let myself fall asleep and I didn't wake up again until I heard two male voices talking and felt myself placed on a soft surface. Maybe a bed? Or a couch? Who knows. All I knew was that it was comfortable and the smell was extremely familiar. If I wasn't so drained from today, maybe I would've paid more attention but of course I didn't.
"Goodnight." was the last thing I remember hearing before feeling someone kiss my forehead and drape a warm blanket over me. I honestly couldn't remember the last time I was this comfortable. I finally let myself relax and get a (very) well deserved rest.
