Still Not Enough

where do I go from here?

I walked into the school during 3rd block. Thankfully the teacher wasn't in When I walked in. The whole class eyed me. I already knew this would happen. They seen all that. What was I going to do? Drop out? Mom would kill me this time! I say in my desk, and pulled out the metirals needed. No one asked why I was in my winter gym uniform.

Note to self, dig up my extra uniform in storage.

You should just not wear it. Sesshomaru enjoyed ripping it off you. He will do the same in the next one.

"Ughh, why must everything happen at once?" I mumbled to myself.

"You brought it on yourself. Playing around with the guys in the school, and then outside. Are you not satisfied with one?" Ino stood beside me, glaring. I saw this coming, I just didn't think that it would happen this soon in the year. I sighed and sat up. Before I could say anything the teacher walked in.

"Oh, Ayako your hear. Your aunt called and said you wasn't feeling well. Are you sure you should be here?"

"Oh, yes I'm fine. She made my lay down this morning, I was feeling a little anemic this morning. Sorry for the trouble." I laughed nervously, and bowed my head. The teacher turned to the board and started the lesson. I sighed, thankful for my quick wit.also wished I ran into auntie this morning so I knew I could have stayed home. Sadly, it would only make things more difficult the longer I hid away from this. Class ended and lunch hour came. I quickly packed my things, not leaving anything if value to be misplaced.

"Running away?" Ino said as I walked to the door. I stopped, thinking about if I should say something is not. Before I could say anything, another issue appeared before me. Until now I had forgot about my almost new romance.

"Hayate... Um..."

"Geez you had me worried. I thought you just vanished like you did in middle school." Hayate smiled holding out his hand. I took it without thinking. "It's lunch, let's go eat." he pulled me out. We went down the hall, hand in hand. Both guys and girls glaring. I was sure that the rumors of me from yesterday was all over the school.

"Um... Hayate... I..." I didn't realized he pulled me off to an empty room until he opened the door and pushed me in. The door shut and locked behind him. I looked at him in horror. I could take him, he was pathetic physically, but the nerve of him to-

"Am I not good enough?" he yelled. He stepped closer and I matched his steps back. "Were you only playing? Making me believe that I had a chance? Was it fun to toy with me?"

"No! It-"

"If I knew that was the man you loved, I wouldn't have bothered. If I knew that he look at you with eyes like that, I would have never talked to you."

"I'm sorry! I... I thought... I." we stood silently. He trapped me against the wall. If it were Sesshomaru, I would have leaned in for a kiss. He would have held me roughly like does. But it wasn't. It was Hayate. His eyes narrowed, holding back tears. And it was my fault. I sighed, hanging my head.

"I met Sesshomaru about 3 month's after I dropped out of school. He was my selected husband, it's tradition in my family that when we complete our training we get married soon after. The me before him would have never looked at you, and would have never entertained your proposal."

"What?" Hayate stepped back. He looked confused.

"I wasn't interested in talking to anyone Kogame didn't tell me to talk to. At that time, I thought all human's were worthless but her and those she valued. I had a pride so grate and narrow it puts this act to shame. Sesshomaru was the one who changed that. He is grater at everything, even his pride. I hated it." I laughed. I took a seat on the window. Looking out, I saw the bird fly up and disappear in the distance. "I wanted so bad to be freed from that fate, but somehow I got sucked in."

"I don't understand what your saying." I looked back at Hayate. He desperately looked in my eyes for something he wouldn't find. I only smiled and looked at the ground. The words I should say didn't come out. To tell him I was in love with him, but the love was not grate enough to leave Sesshomaru.

"I don't understand myself. Somehow this egotistical basturd made my heart do backflips, and suddenly boom." I threw my hands in the air. "I can't see myself being with anyone else. For the first time, I thought it was possible to have a family, and trust someone, and he accepted and praised for being me, and not my heritage."

"I can do all those things, Ayako. I love you. I can accept anything, I can love everything. I will praise in the smallest tasks you do."

"Can you accept that I was pregnant with is child?" I stood from the window. I lifted my shirt and pulled my waist band low enough to show the scare. "Right here, is the reason I came here, the reason we met. 3 year's, 4 months and 16 day's ago I got hurt and lost the baby. It was destined to be a girl, as beautiful as him, she would be walking and talking now. I would be spending my day's carefree, enjoying our child, and probably baring another. Can you really accept that?"

"I... I.." Hayate stumbled back, grabbing his head. I knew it. The young always hesitate when it comes to kids. The Japanese always seems to have a problem with a girl like me, being used as if it were bad. Even if Sesshomaru were not to show his face, this alone would have pushed us apart.

"Forget it." I whispered. "Its useless to try to win me over. The me you want is the part of me that greaves for her lost child, and missing love. I no longer greave, and you will soon no longer love me." I walked to the door and unlocked it. My body pausing before I opened it. "I trully wished that you would've stayed by my side. The way we were, innocently eating ice cream and laughing.... It healed my heart more than just making it to tomorrow."