The Air I Would kill to Breathe

CHAPTER 20 (Tell me you love me)

"I know." I just smiled.

-=-=-=-=-=-

The phone rang and it's the reception. It took two rings before I actually answered. I was on my mobile phone talking to another client and he's really something. I don't know why he's been pestering me about his farming business. First, I'm not specializing Business Law. Second, I don't like the case and lastly, I hate farms.

"Yes?"

"Atty. Park, someone is here for you. He's been very persuasive and he's troubling the people in the receiving area." I sighed.

"And who's this?"

"Mr. Ethan Jennings." What does he want? I already sent the email last week and Jessica seems pleased. I don't know why he wants to see me.

"Send him in."

After two minutes, the door opened banged. He looked tired and pale. He looks like a person of no sleep. His tie is a little loose and he's sweaty.

"Mr. Jennings." I said as I saw him on the door. I didn't expect him to be at my doorstep this early in the morning to be honest. I don't know why he's here actually. I haven't got the slightest idea.

"Can I... come in?" He asked and I opened the door so wide it showed how much I want to let him in.

"Of course. Have a seat. It's only six o'clock and I don't know why you're here." I said while pouring a cup of coffee from the pot. I added one sugar cube and a dash of creamer.

"I... have a question I've been meaning to ask of you. It's been on my head and I can't sleep. I have to know... why is it that your photo was never in the yearbook when you graduated from law school? I also didn't see you in the oath taking. You're not there. I just... thought it's absurd because I know how you're so proud of all this. Is there something I don't know? I really am not disrespecting you. I just want to know what happened. No, is there something bad that happened?" My heart suddenly stopped from beating. My blood ran cold and my hands are shaking.

I dropped the spoon on the floor and I accidentally spilled coffee on the kitchen counter. I reached for a paper towel with shaking hands. Why is he asking all this? Why? I just want to put it all these behind me and he's here trying to drive me insane.

I took a deep breath. "I... went to Korea. A relative died. It's very much disrespectful if we don't attend the funeral service." God that just sounded like a big fat lie. Ethan won't definitely buy this.

He shifted his gaze on the Bonsai placed on the coffee table. His eyes tell me that it's a lie what could be the reason why. All people involved already signed NDA. No one should know especially Ethan.

"So you're saying you went to Korea for five months? All of you?" He asked while staring back at me with such intense eyes. God he's taking my breath away.

I swallowed hard. I don't know how I can keep on lying. "Yes." I said but instead he stood up and walked in front of the kitchen counter, opposite me and sat on the bar stool.

"Christine was here all along those days Aria. She has Facebook. I saw her and she was spending summer at your Aunt Molly's residence in Ohio. You are lying to me. Tell me why. That is your dream we're talking about. I gave you up because I... thought you will attend the oath taking with class and pride! What the fuck happened?!" He threw the glass lying on the marble counter and that definitely startled me.

My eyes started to water. I just can't breathe. I'm starting to have my usual panic attacks and this is not good. "You are lying to me. Why? You were sick the past days and managed to settle things for Jessica so I decided to visit the university. I want to settle my alumni membership. You still intrigue me so I checked out the records and you weren't there! You're not even there on your fucking graduation! What the fuck Aria? What the fuck?!"

Then I started crying and I felt my hands shaking and they won't stop. They just won't stop.

"You can't know." I told him.

"But why?"

"I promised myself. I promised myself to protect you!"

"Stop this bullshit, Aria. Stop it! Tell me now or I'll swear hell will break loose here in your office. Tell me now or I'll find it out the hard way possible."

I cleared my throat. "Is that a threat, Ethan Jennings?"

"Yes."

"You should leave. If you try to dig up my history, I can build a case. I'm not a lawyer for nothing. I can sue your for stalking and trespassing. Your money won't save you."

"Okay. You win. I just want the truth coming out from your mouth. I sadly found out, Aria."

I accidentally spilled the second cup of coffee again, and this time on my feet. The burning sensation of the coffee can't do anything to the numbness of my body. I just stood there, staring at him.

Staring at the man I still love the most.

"You... know?"

"Yes." He started breaking down and tears won't stop coming out from his eyes.

"I... was protecting you. "

"I failed you, Aria. It's all my fault. I trusted the wrong person. I was so irresponsible. I got so drunk that I crashed myself and had me almost killed. I brought excruciating pain to you. I broke you, Aria! You should hate me! You should hurt me!" Collapsed on the floor, crying his heart out. I felt his pain.

I felt his sadness.

"It wasn't your fault he did it. He was just a bad man, Ethan."

"I just... I just found out that he's been trying to get his hands on you before. He was pursuing you, why didn't you tell me?" I walked to him and looked him in the eyes.

"Because I can't. I didn't consider him a threat."

"But why?"

"Monica dated him for a long time. I thought he was just trying to hit on me. Guys are like that but that doesn't mean they'll leave their girlfriends but I was wrong. He had this carnal need to devour me. It wasn't your fault that he was a monster. Ethan, you're a good man. I loved you for that."

He held my hands. "Tell me you love me. Tell me. I suffered, thinking you left me because you fell out of love. Tell me you love me. Tell me, because I'm going to die of heartbreak." Then he held my face.

I begand crying. "Jess... Jessica is a good woman. You can't break her heart."

"But I love you."

"I know... because I can see it, Ethan."

"But, do you even love me... Aria?"

I stood up and wiped my tears. I cleared my throat and grabbed a handful of kleenex to wipe my face. "That question is unfair, Ethan. You're being unfair. You know the answer to that but I can't say it. I'm not going to break Mike's heart. I won't break Jessica's heart too."

I faced him. "I... won't let them feel how painful it was to love someone you can't have. I've been living with the same pain and I can live for more. I can suffer. You have to. We have to. We can't distort the balance of our worlds now. Everything will change. Jessica's parents will destroy us. My parents will be heartbroken. Can't you see how difficult it's going to be? We can't be selfish."

"Aria."

"You have to get out, Ethan. Get out, please." He sighed in defeat and left, he closed the door with a defeaning sound.