The Mafia's Possession (Ongoing, Being Edited)

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The feeling of longing to be part of something you've never experienced is an interesting yet devastating thing, I think to myself while flipping through the pages of a photo book I found in my fathers living room. Pictures of a young Leonardo and Diego bring a smile on my face.

Some of the pictures consist of Leonardo and Diego playing outside at a beach with Adriano. Another pictures shows my father holding a little serious, chubby Diego in his arms with Leonardo standing beside them smiling a toothless grin at the camera. One picture shows Adriano and my cousin Toni sharing a brotherly embrace. Standing next to them is Daniel holding onto Leonardo's hand who was also holding Diego's hand who had ice cream stains on his shirt.

As I flip through more pages I can't keep back the feelings of longing, and sadness. For a few seconds I try to imagine what my life would have been like if I had been given the chance to grow up with my cousins, brothers and even with Adriano who was nothing more than a family friend.

I stop at a picture of my father giving Melina a piggy back ride. She had to have been no older than 6 in the picture.

A surge of jealousy overtakes my emotions as I engrave in my memory that large smile that adorns Melina's face. She seems free of any burden, which is opposite to the burden I carried at the same age by having to watch my mother drown herself in alcohol every night. I blink back tears and wonder why I had to be deprived of my family. Hatred like I never felt before bubbles in my mind as I think of what my mother has kept me away from. I think of how Chris might have helped her, whether it was intentional or not.

Regardless of the many dangers that my father, brothers and cousins were exposed to they are still a tight nit family who always show love to one another. Even Adriano shares an unwavering loyalty to my family, and I know that even though Toni is hurting, he still wis loyal to Adriano.

I close the photo book. I'm just hurting looking through their memories. What was important now was that I was finally here with them. I won't let anyone, not even Chris, keep me away form being part of this family.

At the sound of footsteps I quickly wipe away my tears. I expect to see Diego return from his trip to the kitchen but instead I come face to face with Kathy.

The both of us stare at each other, both of our gazes never leaving the other. I wonder whether I should say something even though she's the one who came to me first. I scrunch my eyebrows, silently questioning her with my confused gaze.

Kathy seems to not know how to start a conversation. Her hands are restless, she's stepping from side to side. Finally, after more seconds of the awkward silence that I can no longer handle, I get up from the couch and take a step towards the door that Kathy just walked in from. I notice her body stiffen as I waddled my way past her. I curse my injured leg for keeping me from walking any faster.

"I'm sorry for what happened earlier." Her voice freeze me before I can take a step out of the living room. I glance behind my shoulder only to notice that she hasn't moved from her spot.
She wasn't looking at me but at the ground instead, her back still towards me.

"That was really childish of us to argue like that in front of you. Disrespectful to your home even." She pauses. I watch in silence while she takes a deep breath. "He brings out the worst of my emotions. And I'm not saying that in an endearing way either."

"It's okay. I guess." I say with uncertainty. I wasn't sure why she was apologizing to me.

"He's a great guy. He's someone who is loyal and loving. Something that I'm not. I'm sure he's told you that by now." She continues as if she didn't hear me.