Half Broken

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I pay no attention as a girl takes the seat besides me in math. Poor soul , there probably isn't any seats left. The irony of everyone's fear of me is that they only fear me because of my attitude, imagine if they knew I use to be the gang leader, top street racer, best fight, and of course to top it off the ex girlfriend of the under boss of the local mobster Vinny Scarpa. Thinking about it even I'd be terrified to breath the same air too.

Anyways a student enters the classroom cutting off the teachers lecture mid-rant with a slip. The teacher skims it and I watch entertained as he takes the slip and practically throws the office runner out of the classroom. He turns and we make eye contact. He gives me a stern, or what I'm sure he believes is considered stern, glare before throwing the slip onto my desk.

I don't know if I hate or love the way all the teachers don't even try with me anymore. The first time it was weird to see a teacher do homework call and pass right by me. Now though it just makes life easier. They don't get their panties in a twist and I don't get expelled.

I'm about to read the slip when a pink note flies onto my desk. I look up to catch who threw it, only to find Luis looking at me. A small sigh escapes my lips. I like Luis, I like him enough to know everyone in my life doesn't just get hurt they die. I've escaped the streets but that doesn't mean I don't live my entire life looking over my shoulder. Just talking to Luis could get him tortured and killed if someone found out who I truly am.

U always get into so much trouble? His note read.

I crumble the note into a ball and throw it into the trash. I grab my slip that reads 'Jessica Valdez please report to the office immediately.' Deciding I'd rather deal with the racist principal than Luis I pack up my notebook and head to the office. I glance back at my class to see Luis try to hide a hurt expression. My seat partner however lets out a noticeable breath at the relief of my absence.

I walk into the office, and my favorite secretary attends me. I hand her my slip, and she points to the office door of the councilor. I sigh when I see I'm going to have to see the councilor like I did in my last school. The ssecretary laughs at my attitude, and tells me to wait until shes done.

I take a seat and in less then a minute later I see a girl come out crying, and a boy come out with a big smile. He must have tried to do something to get rid of her permanently. Stupid teenagers and their stupid messily problems, I dare them to just survive a day in my life. The councilor a young blonde woman walks out handing the girl a tissue box to wipe her tears.

"You must be Jennifer Valdez." She greets enthusiastically.

I nod standing up to walk into her office without another word. Her office is decorated in supportive and inspirational posters accompanied with a cherry yellow paint job. She had a messy desk with flyers about how to deal pregnancy, suicide, depression, family problems, ECT. 

That's what's wrong with councilors they think a little pink flyer with pictures of fake smiles will fix everything. I never open up to any of my councilors before, and I don't plan on changing that. No matter how many words I say things won't get betters. No matter how many tears I cry I won't get my sister back. So how is talking going to help anyone. Besides I've spent my entire life keeping secrets of the mob and the gang.

"I'm Misses Hernandez." She continues holding her hand out for me to shake.

That was another thing with councilors they expect for you to open up to them yet  we cant even call them by their first name. I don't take her hand. With a single nod I confirm I've heard her. 

"Well I've been looking through your file and it shows that all of your councilors have unsuccessful in getting you to open up. I plan to change that. You look like a normal girl Jessica, but I know you too well..." She starts determinedly.

I turn to her my attention spiked. She doesn't even know who I am. She continues on her little welcome as if I didn't just give her the what the hell look. I don't know if I like this lady. She has this weird vibe thing going on. 

"...see I was you. I had problems at home, I put on the same mask you now live in everyday."

I give her my attention for at least understanding more than the other dim wit counselors had but my problems are a lot bigger than daddy issues and home problems. My problems or should I say the people who've made me this way have kept me scared into hiding because the millisecond anyone knows the real me everyone dies.

Hernandez however was different than the other counselors. I could tell she wasn't one of those people who read a book and think they know everything there is on whatever the book was about, no she had real life experience.

"Let me explain. My parents, my brother and I were always so close, but a week after my 17th birthday my parents sat my brother, who was nineteen at the time down, and I down and told us they were getting a divorce." She said starting her story

I listen to her story feeling it hit within the ball park even if a little far from home.

"I thought they were playing with us, but in the corner of my eye I saw a suitcase by the door. That night my dad left. My brother yelled and fought my parents. He broke glass and ran out side trying to stop my father. My father finally left, and I never saw him again."

A part of me felt sorry for the young girl who had everything and then lost it all, but the bitter part of me still wants to say she knows nothing about how I feel because she didn't actually lose her father like I literally lost my sister to death.

"And then a year later on the anniversary of my dads' absent my brother committed suicide. After I lost him I didn't, couldn't trust anyone. Everything good about life disappeared for me. I felt alone, abandoned, lost. I cried myself to sleep for a year. Then there was a moment where I told myself I had to step it up, and I did. When I didn't cry I couldn't sleep, and that's when I discovered the night life. The drinks, the parties, and well pretty much everything. If you could name it I've done it, but Jennifer you can change that. You can fix things. For your brothers, your family, for you."

I open my mouth to protest or blow her off, but she holds a finger and adds "Bottling it up only works for so long. Trust me."

"So what do I do then?" I ask quietly with honest curiosity.

"Join our grief group. I promise if it doesn't help I will take you out." She advised.

"I'll think about it..." I promise still a bit unconvinced.

"Just one more thing."

"Yes?" I say turning around.

"It's mandatory" She replies smiling.

I sigh but leave her office without another word. Her story, her words just kept replaying in my head. Maybe living life always looking over my shoulders wasn't healthy but could I afford to be caught?