Crossbreed

Downhearted

Renesmee POV

A child. There was a living child inside of me, that none of us had the slightest idea what it is sure to be. Mortal or immortal? Werewolf or vampire? A combination? No one knew. I spent days kneeling by the toilet. It wasn't just the mornings, I was throwing up constantly. I felt bad for Jacob, he's probably used to it now. I wonder what he thinks of being a father. I'm sure he's happy, I mean, as long as we're both happy, right?

My mom spent her days beside me as well. I appreciated it, I thought she would be mad and not try to help me. But putting all her issues aside, she is a good mom.

"Mom?" I asked, sitting on the bathroom floor with her sitting on the edge of the bathtub. She looked at me with widened eyes. "Yes sweetie?" she asked. I looked down and played with the bracelet Jacob had gotten me for Christmas. "Do—do you think Jake is mad at me? What if he—he doesn't agree in my decision?" She sighed and pursed her lips together. She came to sit beside me, touching the bracelet. "Jacob can't make that decision for you. And even if he is mad, he'll come around. Who cares about boys anyway?"

I forced a smile. I guess she was right, but I wouldn't stop caring what he thinks. We hadn't really talked much, so I hadn't gotten to ask him. Every time he looks at me it's like he's looking at a wounded puppy that he hurt. It kind of gets on my nerves to be honest, because this wasn't his fault. I looked at the toilet, and sighed. "I think I'm okay now," I said. She nodded and helped me up. "Can you ask Jacob to talk to me?" I asked. I felt wimpy for asking, but she nodded and joined the group in the living room.

She whispered something to Jacob and he came over to me. I lead him to my bedroom. He looked down on me with that same look I hated. Then he looked away. "Jake," I said, "I know you keep saying I shouldn't be sorry but—" He shook his head. "No Ness, stop apologizing. I'm not gonna listen to you if that's all you have to say." I closed my eyes and rested my hands in his. "I just need to know what you're thinking Jake. It's like I'm sitting here waiting for a reaction from you."

He pressed his lips together. "You want to know what I'm really thinking? Honestly?" he asked. I nodded. "Well Ness, I'm pretty pissed honestly. Not at you, at the world. Karma always seems to come around back to me. First my dad died, then I hurt you, then you reject me, then I make a big mistake, then your parents basically almost kill me, and now this. And you are living the time of your life aren't you? Finally having that beautiful child you always wanted? I don't see why you haven't killed it yet."

I let go of his hands. I clenched my eye brows together and looked at the floor. I was wrong, he doesn't care about our child. I should have known. All this time I've been dreaming of a perfect family and now I get this. I turned away and put my hand on the door handle. Before I opened the door, I looked back at him. I could tell he regretted what he said, but I was still heartbroken. "You know, it's not just you who's having a tough time," I said, as I walked out the door closing it behind me.
. . .
They did the same test over and over again everyday to see how the baby was growing. My stomach was big by the third week. "It's growing just like Renesmee did," said mom one day. I threw up two to three times everyday. As for Jacob, he would come to some of the tests, but only occasionally gave me hard glimpses. I wish he would realize I was waiting for him to apologize. I wasn't going to—first because apparently I wasn't "supposed" to, and second because it wasn't my fault he wanted to be a jerk to me.

I talked to Rosalie a little bit about it, and of course she seemed understanding. "Renesmee, who told you what boys think actually mattered?" she said. I laughed. "It doesn't, but his thoughts do," I said. She rolled her eyes. I knew she never liked Jake. "It's your child," she explained. I shook my head. "I know Rose, but it's his child too. Shouldn't he have the same authority I do?"

She leaned back against my bed and folded her arms. "Doesn't give him the right to be so egocentric." I chuckled and said, "You make it sound like he's stealing your ego more than mine." She smiled and got up. "You should go to bed, it's late." I didn't want to, but I laid down. She put the blanket over me and we said goodnight. As soon as I could hear her footsteps getting softer, I sat up and turned my lamp on.

I grabbed my journal and began writing. I hadn't wrote in it since Jacob asked to marry me, so I wrote a full three pages. After I was done I still didn't feel tired, so I took my cell phone which I also haven't touched in a long time. The first thing I see is four missed calls and two voicemails from Jacob today. What did he want? Couldn't he just say whatever he wanted to say to my face? Was he really that pathetic?

I rolled my eyes to myself and threw the phone on the floor. I put my hands in my face. Luckily dad was out hunting, so he couldn't read my thoughts. I looked back at the phone. I couldn't help but grab it, even though I didn't want to hear whatever he had to say, it still wouldn't change anything. I swallowed and hit the play button next to the first voicemail.

"Ness, I know you're mad at me, and I'm really really sorry. I know that's not gonna cut it but I have an emergency to tell you, so please call me back, okay? Thanks, bye."

Really? He didn't even bother to tell me whatever this "emergency" was? At least he knew sorry wasn't going to cut it, especially over the phone. I sighed and clicked the second voicemail.

"Nessie please answer, something happened. Paul and Leah got attacked by an unknown wolf and now they're at the hospital and—" there was a pause, and a sniff. "I would just really like it if you were here, please."

I tossed the phone back on my bed. Should I go? He never was there for me when I needed him. Remember what Rose said, I thought. I don't need boys. But this is something really serious. What if he's lying? Ugh, I don't know what to do. I'll just go and not talk to him. That sounds good.

I turned off my lamp and opened the window. I had to take the long way so nobody could track my scent. I kept going back and forth deciding whether I should go or not, but I told myself it was for Paul and Leah. When I got to the hospital, I went up to the desk. "Can I help you?" the woman asked. "I'm here to see Paul Lahote and Leah Clearwater?" I asked.

The lady looked back down at her computer for a long time. "They're in room B, but only family members are allowed, I'm sorry." Well that's great, how was I gonna know what happened? I wasn't going to contact Jacob, if anything. "Well can you at least tell me what con—" Jacob was now beside me, looking at me with worry. He looked at the woman and said, "Excuse us." He put his hand on my shoulder and lead me to the other side of the room.

"Thank goodness you came—" he said before I interrupted him, "I didn't come for you." I slapped his hand off my shoulder. "I came for Paul and Leah." He closed his eyes and sighed. "Okay Renesmee, you have every right to be mad at me but," he said. "I know I do," I said. He pressed his lips together. "Do you want to know what happened or not?" he asked. I gave in and sat down with him. "Okay fine, what happened?"