Girl Meets Life

Money Down the Drain

About a month later...

I got up and slowly crept to the bathroom to pee and then went back to our room to grab Josh and I's phones. I wanted to grab both so they didn't wake Josh up. It was Valentine's Day also his birthday so he would definitely receive messages that will wake him up and ruin my plan.

Once I'm out of the bedroom my body is suddenly not as tense. I walk to the kitchen and start by making pancakes in the shape of hearts and leaving them on the bench but I also write a note saying, Dear Josh, here are some of your favourite pancakes. Eat them then get ready (not too formal) and then meet me at Topanga's. xxx - Maya 

I leave them there then I go on to his phone and set an alarm on it at the best time for him to wake up and then he gets a text and I can't help but read it but once I do I go straight to the kitchen and tip the pancakes out and scrunch up my note. I can't believe what he has been up too when I'm in class or at Riley's I think.

I reread the message and It says 'what's up my man josh . are you down to go to poker while the mrs is in class. still find it hilarious that you blew 5000 dollars the other day.'  I can't believe he is gambling with such big sums of money and by the looks of the text, it isn't new.

I sit on the couch deciding what to do I end up going up to the room putting his phone back and going back to bed. I lay there tossing and turning until I feel movement that wasn't me so I freeze so he thinks I'm asleep. I hear him get up and go to the bathroom, he then comes back to lays on the bed and tries to hug me. When I feel his hands touch my skin I instantly feel a shiver go down my spine so I get up.

"Hey what was that for," Josh says when I move away from his hug.

"I don't know Josh. I don't know why a lot of things happen. I don't know why someone would gamble and then lose a few thousand dollars and want to gamble more," I whisper loud enough so he can hear.

"What are you trying to get at Maya," Josh says touching my shoulder.

"What I'm saying is why are going around gambling losing money and not even telling me," I say as I turn around to see Josh who looks shocked.

"How did you know," Josh says guilty as ever.

"It should have been because you told me, Josh. I thought we tell each other things," I say becoming more sad than angry now.

Josh is staring at me with wide eyes until he goes, ¨Maya, It was just fun with some guys what is the big deal.¨

¨JOSH I DON'T CARE IF YOU HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS OR PLAY POKER BUT YOU LOST 5000 DOLLARS A FEW DAYS AGO AND DID NOT EVEN CARE TO TELL. I'M YOUR WIFE FOR FUCKS SAKE I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY BUT NOT AT THE COST OF MONEY OR WORSE,¨ I stop at that knowing that I didn't even want to say what I was thinking. Us.

He sits there in shock until he gets up and grabs his keys, wallet and phone and just leaves. I burst into tears thinking how I ruined a perfectly fine marriage. I went call Riley but I couldn't bring myself to admit what happened to myself, let alone Riley.

I lay in bed not feeling pain, sadness or even anger. I felt nothing.

I could have been staring at my ceiling for hours but I got interrupted by my phone. It was a text from Josh.

J: Belleview Park. Ten minutes.

Belleview park was a park that we sat and talked at all the time. It uses to be a popular kid's play area but the council deemed it to be too close to the college for it to be safe for little kids so they just let it grow out so it is like a mini forest.

I get out of bed and then grab a pair of jeans and a white tee shirt and throw them on and start to walk to the park.

When I get there I see Josh sitting on a red swinging whilst he stared at his shoes. I approach him and sit on the swing next to him and before I can even say anything he begins apologizing for gambling and how he will never do it again but then he starts talking about the worst possible thing he did. Leaving.

I cried on the swings when he started talking about how bad a husband he was and how he didn't deserve me but I decided to interrupt by saying, ¨Josh you are perfectest person I have ever met and for you to even think you did up to any standard I have or the standard you have made up for me is crazy because you are my one and only and to imagine my life without you would be like having a rainy cloud permanently following me.¨

After I get that all out we sit on the swings until it is dark then we go home.