The Tale Of Sophom Book 2

postnatal depression

crying, I was awakened by crying, I glanced to the clock to see it was 2am, I groaned and got out of bed and headed into sammi's room to find her squirming in her cot. I picked her up and cradled her in my arms until she feel back asleep and placed her back into her cot with her dummy in her mouth. Before I headed back into bed and as I was falling back asleep she started crying again "ill get her" tom said kissing me on the cheek "thank you baby" I said as he got out of bed and headed to the nursery and I feel back asleep. I woke up some time hear six I was curled into tom's side "i never thought it would be this tiring" I said to him "goodbye to eighteen years off sleep" tom said "shes worth it though" I said "that she is" I said as I sat up and pulled my hair into a bun "you know I say we have about half an hour before she wakes" tom said sitting up and kissing my neck and I leaned into him "oh yeah what are thinking, tom Clarkson" I said as I turned to peek him on the lips a few times "i think you know, soon to be mrs clarskon" "god I love the sound of that" I said as he kissed me and pinned me to the mattress as our pjs ended up on the floor.

I got up and dressed and went down stairs to so sammi's bottle as tom got her dressed "are you ready for your first day at crèche, princess?" tom said to her and I smiled "do you want to feed her?" I asked him "sure" he said as I handed the bottle over to him "are you sure, you don't want to come in, to school today?" tom asked "no, theres no point I cant concentrate so theres no point" I said "are you feeling alright" he asked "im fine, why do you ask" "because ever since sammi was born especially since shes come home you seem distant, sad you seem as if you cant bound with her soph, shes your daughter" he said  "im fine" I said "then hold her, hold our daughter" he said handing her to me I held her in my arms and looked down at her blue eyes. I don't know what wrong with me shes my baby how come when I look at her I feel nothing but emptiness "i don't get it soph, you were so happy to get her home, now you seem as if you couldn't care less" tom said "don't you get it tom, its always been that way I cant bound with her im useless" I said and he walked over to me and took sammi before he put her in her jumperoo  "soph doll, your her mother  its okay to feel paranoid" he said "im still not going in, i dont feel well" I said

As tom went off to school I walked into the living room and watched some tv and fell asleep in front of the tv. I was awakened by a knock at the door, I rubbed my eyes and got up from the sofa and opened the door to see my mum "what are you doing here?" I asked her "i spoke to tom, he wanted me to talk to you" she said "come in" I said. we sat in the sitting room in silence "whats going on soph?" she asked "i don't know, I cant connect with my daughter, im the most terrible mum ever" I said "no, not your not I think your ill" she said "im not ill, im fine"  I said "its understandable, the stress you've been under, exams, having premature baby" "im fine" "no your not sophie I think you have postnatal depression, sammi needs you and you know it, tom needs you hes worried about you" she said as I broke down in tears "i want to love her, I just cant" I said as I cried on her shoulder "i think what you need to do is talk to tom, its best that you do also you need to take some time for yourself I mean you've got exams and sammi, its obvious you don't have time for yourself, your eighteen still you need time with your friends and rest is important I know you've got a three month old baby but you need to get as much rest as possible" she said.

At the end of the day tom came in with sammi asleep in the car seat "im sorry" I said as I walked over to him and hugged him he wrapped his arms around me "so am I soph, I should of realised that you weren't coping ive just been so worried about josh I didn't realise my own fiancée was ill" he said "i should of talked to you" "yes, but its okay im here for you now, you've had a lot going on I mean your going through your A-levels and we've had a premature baby...besides the school you've missed cant help" he said "ive probably failed this year I mean I flunked my English when josh had his breakdown and ive missed so much school Ill have to resit next year" I said "i love you soph, and I promise ill be there for you" he said and I hugged him.