My not so perfect body

Chapter 33: breaking point

Stevie's pov:

I heard their voices outside of my door wondering if they should open it. I heard everything.

Lisa lying to me this entire time.
My mum lying to me this entire time.
What, did Skylar fucking lie to me too?!

I chuckled darkly as I heard Lisa say she was scared to come in. She should be scared.

No I need to calm down.

I pulled my hair and shook my head trying to breath.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT!!!!"  I screamed.

"Stevie!" I heard the door open and gasping.

They probably noticed that my room is also trashed and fucked up like the rest of the house..like my mind.

My mattress upside down tilted and ripped up glass is everywhere and I didn't have shoes on. There were holes on the wall that I did with a bat and some with my fist. My hands where throbbing but I didn't feel it.
"Didn't you fucking hear me? I said  get the fuck out and leave me alone!" I yelled at them clenching my hands.

Skylar gasped since he never seen me like this and that gets me pissed off.

"Stevie please you need to-" Lisa cried but I interrupted her.

"What? You want me to calm down? Is that what you were going to say." I said getting in her face.

"It seems like everyone wants me to calm down but why? Am I scaring you? What are you scared of? You think I'm going to hurt you?" I asked her staring into her eyes as I held my head high feeling a rage of fire inside of me that wanted to be released. But should I? 

She shook her head at me as she backed up to the wall. "No, I know you would never hurt me baby girl."

"Don't call me that." I growled. "What.." I whispered.

"You think I would hurt myself...again?" I sniffed as I watched her reaction.

She closed her eyes and her hair fell to her face as she cried.

How pathetic.

"I hate you. Did you know that." I cried. " I hate how you treat me like a kid that needs to be trained to behave. I hate how you're so perfect-"

"You know I'm not-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH IM NOT DONE TALKING!" I said laughing at her.

"You think just because you're pretty, you think you can do anything you want." I said licking my tears off my lips.

I walked away from her and caressed my wall that had a dent.

"Must be nice right?" I said

"To be pretty and wanted..have boys want you. Have people want you...why do you stay with me?" I said looking down.

"I'm nothing, I'm shit that waste up space....everyone leaves me because they are tired of my bullshit." I cried saying all this I forgot that Skylar was here watching me.

"You wanna know the real reason my dad left." I asked Skylar not looking his way but at my broken lamp.

"It's because of my anger issues." I said laughing.

"Of course he wanted a kid he didn't care about gender or weight....but he didn't like how angry I would get..and so easily too. He wanted to take ME away." I said yelling." But my mom said no, she would help me control it. But he didn't want to deal with that shit." I said crying.

"Did Lisa tell you about my anger issue." I asked him, he didn't look scared of me which was weird. He would just stare at me intensly and shook his head.

"Well I do, I get so angry that I punch walls and break things sometimes I would black out for a long time.Lisa is right I would never hurt her, or my mum." I said angrily," so why not hurt myself."

I felt like shit and tired. I looked at the mess I made and held my waist. I looked at my room that was once my sanctuary. I looked at my myself in the broken mirror and noticed someone new in that mirror.

"I hate how I look so ugly and fat...all I wanted was to like who I see in the mirror but I'm nothing and selfish." I hiccuped " she should have told me she was dying. " I whispered.

"Stevie." I heard Skylar say.

I fell to the floor on my side as I laid with my knees to my chest.

"I don't want to do this anymore. I hate myself to Much." I cried.

"I think you're beautiful." He said hearing him come close to me.

"Stay away from me." I said loudly.

He stopped walking and sat on the floor where he is.

"Stevie, you're not alone, hear me out okay." He said softly.

I never heard him talk to me so quietly before. Usually he would yell at me.

I was to drained to look at him. I laid there lifeless as my tears continued to fall.

"Everyone at the gym are worried sick about you."

That caught my attention.

"R-really?"

"Yea. They want to know if you are okay."

"Lisa and I were worried sick about you trying to find you. We are here because we care about you and Lisa did everything to keep you safe. Your mom was an amazing women and she wouldn't want you to be angry or upset.

She would want you to work on your anger issue and your well being. we will help you Stevie you're not alone with this." He said caressing my head.

I got up and sat on his lap wrapping my hands around his neck.

I felt him hug me back. It was nice.

I should break his neck.

That thought made me let go and back away.

"You both need to leave." I said hiding my face behind my hair.

"Stevie." Lisa said.

"I need to be alone, please." I said going back to my ball of sorrow.

I heard shuffling and foot steps.

"You lost someone important...but you gained so much more."

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