Calie's Diary: Falling In (Really?)

Saturday December 9th

Saturday December 9th

I don’t even want to write this but maybe it will make me feel better.

Well I'm just start from the beginning, I got a text about 8pm from Tyler asking if I wanted to go for a ride, not sure what he meant and I was worried but I couldn't really say no, I think a part of me wanted to get this over with. So I guess I should say Tyler didn't talk to me at school on Wednesday or Thursday or Friday, so basically I've been analyzing everything in the last couple of months of our relationship, I even went and reread stuff I wrote in here and I couldn't find anything I did wrong. (Except I realized Derek is really annoying, ok I already knew that)

So when Tyler got here, I got into his car, he was still wearing his work uniform he must have came right from work.

"Hey how was work" I said trying to be polite and hoping I didn't start crying.

"Uh yeah it was fine" Tyler said.

"That's good" I said, I wanted to say so what do you want but I think I knew the answer and I didn't want it to happen.

"Yeah so really good about you getting into UCLA, that's your dream school right?" Tyler said.

"Yeah" I said sadly.

"This sucks" Tyler said to me kind of out of nowhere.

I wasn't exactly sure what he meant, so I just said, "About me going to UCLA."

"Well, no that's a good thing, you should go where you want to go" Tyler said.

"Ok, so where are we going?" I said.

"Uh I'm not sure" Tyler said.

"Oh maybe we should stop" I said, "You know you don't want to waste gas it's expensive."

"Yeah" Tyler said and he stopped in a parking lot.

"So" I said.

"So yeah, I guess I'm sorry for ignoring you this week and last, that was childish of me" Tyler said.

"That's ok" I said. (Not really)

"It's not ok, I was being stupid immature, I just didn't want to hurt you" Tyler said.

"It's kind of late for that" I said looking sad and feeling a little mad at this point.

"Ok I owe you an explanation, about Riley, I should have be honest from the beginning but I didn't know how you would take it, basically me and Riley have had this thing going on for well forever I guess, we were neighbors till we moved, then we kept in touch, not like talk on the phone everyday but we'd hang out while I was in Arizona for the holidays and stuff like that, anyway the last time I saw her was in like June when I was visiting, so in October I get a random friend request from her, we message back in forth, she was surprised I had a girlfriend, we talked about colleges, I told her I was going to Oregon, then we started talking on the phone a bit then one night she basically poured her heart out to me then asks me what I think and then says if it's ok with me, she is thinking about going to Oregon for college just to see if there could be something between us, I haven't gave her an answer just so you know because of you, but I can't break her heart, I have real feelings for her." Tyler said.

During his whole explanation, I felt shakily and I was trying to hold the tears in, then I said, "So" because it was all I could muster.

"Don't think I don't like you because I do, I never had a girlfriend before you and when I met you I instantly liked you, you're nice, quiet, caring, laid back, innocent, which I loved, so when Ruby suggested going to together to homecoming, I was so happy, finally a girl I could really see myself with but Riley was in the back of my mind, but I knew she was so far away, I could be with someone else I needed to move on, so after homecoming I wanted to ask you out but I was scared, then it seems like all these other guys were into you and I knew I needed to make my move or you'd be dating one of them and I'd miss out on you, so yeah I'm really sorry I didn't want it to end this way" Tyler said. (Yeah that's what everyone says)

"I understand" I said. (NO I DON'T BASICALLY THIS BITCH STOLE YOU FROM ME AND YOU'RE OK WITH IT)

"Do you want to say anything to me" Tyler said.

"Not really" I said.

"Alright I'll take you home" Tyler said and I detected some sadness in his voice but I didn't care. "I'm really sorry Calie" Tyler said as I left the car, "Hopefully we can be friends" (that the worst thing you can say, don't you read the internet)

So when I got back to my room, I just started sobbing, my stomach started to hurt and I felt like I was going to be sick. I knew Tyler was going to change his relationship status on Facebook and everyone would know. But I didn't think it was going to be in like 20 minutes, because about 20 minutes from when I got home I got a text from Ruby.

Ruby: What happened?

I ignored it.

Ruby: Are you ok?

I figured I shouldn't let her worry

Me: I'm fine, I'm just going to go to bed, I'll talk to you tomorrow

This will probably be the first night I cry myself to sleep.