"An Open letter to the girl who broke my heart,"
Hi L.M.J, i wrote this letter for you. I know you won't be able to read this, you'll just ignore this or whatsoever.
But i just want to tell you that i am sorry, and i am letting you go.
For more or less four years of holding on to you, I've finally chosen to let you go. There are many things that I want to tell you as I'm writing this letter, but let me begin with my apologies.
Sorry for loving you even though you didn't want me to.
Sorry for giving my everything to you without being sure if you wanted it in the first place.
Sorry for showing you my tears. Sorry for all the awkwardness I brought on our friendship and finally, sorry for hurting you unintentionally.
I am trying to heal and be okay with the fact that we're not okay. And I really hope you understand.
Being with you is getting harder everyday because although I’m with you, I’m not with you..
And the more time I spend with you, the more I want you to be mine.
I’ve reached a stage where I want more…..
I want more than lunches and plane journeys. I want days out and dinners, nights over and mornings together. I want cuddles and caresses, to hold and to be held.
I want to know what your lips would feel like on mine – that first instance they meet, and every time thereafter. I want to walk down the street or along the river with your hand in mine.
Being alone with you doesn’t feel weird at all. A little wrong maybe, but at the same time, so right. Not any of that awkwardness or hesitancy you’d expect with unfamiliarity. Instead, being with you feels more like slipping into an old familiar shoe, or a favorite worn T-shirt you’d wear to sleep. It feels safe and warm and smells like comfort. It feels like something we’ve done a million times before.
I love the times we spend together – there seem to be only good moments. Just being with you makes me feel better – whether it’s just a hug or listening to you talk. Or just looking at your green emerald eyes Lauren.
No time for lingering, but plenty for longing.
And what do we have? A “relationship” (whatever that means) that neither of us can talk about – a shared secret. Snatches of time. Unspoken rules, implicit boundaries. A full-stop, but also a question mark. Something that feels so real when we’re together but dissipates into wisps of smoke as soon as we’re apart.
There’s no denying we have chemistry, but as the saying goes, “You need two things for love – chemistry and timing. And timing’s a bitch.”
I truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. I think we found each other at a time in our lives when we both needed a friend. A lifeline in a dark unseeing ocean. Perhaps now that reason has run out, perhaps you don’t need me anymore. Or maybe you do.
Now, I want to tell you how I grateful I am.
Thank you for being my first for several times: my very first otp; for being my very first best friend when i entered this crazy world of glitz and glamour.
Thank you for all the laughter, help, comfort, and even the tears. Those are the reasons why I felt alive and those moments would be a few of my most important memories.
Thank you for believing that I can do everything, i can sing and dance to anything, that I can write anything,
Thank you for being my most honest critique.
Thank you for your efforts to make me smile whenever I'm feeling down.
Thankyou for laughing at my jokes, though they are corny and not really funny. ;)
Thank you for motivating me when I feel like I can't do what I am supposed to do.
