Limerence | A James & Lily Story

Jealousy

     The next morning, I awoke excited and ready to talk to Lily about the new discovery about us, but all day she dodged the subject and would suddenly change topics if I got anywhere close to bringing it up. I got the message loud and clear. Just because some textbook said we were soulmates because our patronuses just happened to match, didn't mean she wanted it. So I dropped it, and I didn't bring it up again.

     That's how a month passed causing everything to remain exactly the same. Well, mostly the same, I did officially ask Jenna to be my girlfriend. I figured since things obviously weren't going anywhere with Lily, I should try to move on. Even though Jenna didn't make me happy the way Lily did, and I often found myself gritting my teeth in her pretense, It was seventh year, and I had made no progress. It was time to get over it, over her. 

     Sometimes in Head meetings or on patrols, I would make her laugh, and my heart would stir. It is quite a horrible thing to have so many feelings for someone and be forced to spend the majority of your time with them. Some days, I think I'm making progress on getting over her, but then she touches my arm or says my name and it cause the same lurch in my gut I've been feeling for years now. It often makes me wonder if my feelings for Lily Evans will ever truly go away.

     "Maybe," Remus had said one afternoon, lifting his eyes from the book he had been reading. "You don't want them to go away. You've been chasing her for so long, you don't want to give up the challenge without having won."

     "She's not a challenge, Moony," I answered bitterly. "She never was. She's the one for me, even if I'm not the one for her."

      The time came for the first Hogsmeade trip of the year. Jenna badgered me enough to get me to spend half the day with her at Madam Puddifoot's- my least favorite place in Hogsmeade. We walk hand and hand through the chilly October air, wind nipping at our noses and cold seeping through our clothing. Jenna's talking fills the would-be-peaceful, autumn silence. Lately, I've gotten into a bad habit of tuning her out whenever she speaks. I don't know what's worse: my ignoring her talking, or her never noticing.

     She tugs on my hand, pulling me to a stop. We arrive outside of Madam Puddifoot's tea shop in all of its pink and frilly glory. I suppress a gag and an eye roll at the sight of the over the top building. I've been dragged to this place more times than I like to admit, by more than one girl trying to get me to snog her. It's besides the point that I usually did; I just hate this place. 

     "I just love this place," Jenna sighs, pulling on the end of her hat. "Don't you?"

     "Oh, er, yeah, I love it." My lie comes out less smoothly than I would like it to. I pull the collar of my coat up, already feeling the chill making its way to my bones.

     "Come on," she says impatiently, yanking me forward through the door. The warmth in the shop has me thankful for just a second, then my eyes take in all the pink, and the gagging sensation returns.

     Jenna pulls me past all of the lovesick, snogging couples to a booth in the corner. As soon as we sit down she curls against my side, dark hair splaying over my jumper. I try to put some distance between us without making it obvious what I'm doing; She pouts anytime I pull more than a few inches away. 

     A waitress comes by to take our orders-coffee for me and tea for Jenna. Jenna pulls me in for snogging a few times, but I end the kisses after only a few seconds, unable to get in the mood for kissing her. Jenna huffs at me, and I can sense her annoyance with me rising. I'm walking on thin ice, but then again, with Jenna, I'm always on thin ice.

     I let my eyes wonder around the tea shop as she talks about her friends that I can barely stand to spend more than a few minutes with. A head of red hair catches my eye and causes me to do a double take. Lily Evans is seated in a booth with Draven McLaggen, talking animatedly and laughing. As if sensing my gaze on her, her head turns, and her green eyes meet mine causing my cheeks to flush with either embarrassment or jealousy. She quickly turns away from me and scoots closer to her date.