Scrape

43. Finale

"You know, when I first met you - or rather, when you barged into my room - I really didn't like you," I told Sebastian, laughing when I remembered it. "You just seemed like a complete dick."

Every breath was now agony, but I didn't want him to see that. Instead, I drew out a long sigh, even as my stomach contracted in pain.

"How far have we come from then, in your opinion?" Sebastian rested a hand on my leg, drawing circles on it with his finger.

It tickled.

"Well, considering I'd never have imagined this even a year ago, I'd say a lot of progress has been made," I winked at him.

He was frowning.

"Alice, I-" He interrupted, and then cut off, seeming depressed.

"Sssh." I reassured him. "Don't talk about it. Let's just enjoy the time we have together. I'll be fine."

I grasped his hand in mine and our fingers interlocked.

"After all, you only get one chance to live how you want." I then changed the subject. "And, by the way, being together has made me the happiest I think I ever have been. My mother, she didn't-" I cleared my throat, swallowing back a lump. "She didn't know how to raise me."

Sebastian listened to me as I talked about my mother, all the while staring intently at me, noticing each flinch the pain in my organs caused me, and shooting me worried looks, like a lost puppy.

"Sebastian," I warned softly. "Don't. It's fine."

He sat up suddenly, turning away from me on the bed and I reached a hand out to stroke his back, but found that I couldn't reach very well, and gave up.

"I just," I winced as I heard the hurt tone in his voice," I just wish it could have turned out differently, is all. I wish I could spend every day of the rest of my life with you, sharing things about your past and mine, and eventually, after many years, having somewhere we could both call home."

He sighed, and rubbed the back of his neck, then rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward to place his face into his hands. I shuffled my body over so that it was next to his, leaving a trail of blood behind me, and wrapped my arms gently around his torso, careful not to press myself too hard against him.

"Things don't always work out. But I suppose that one day you can meet someone new, forget all about me and marry them instead. All I want is for you to be happy, Sebastian. That's all I want." I told him, placing my face in the hollow between his shoulderblades.

"You're so selfish, Alice," he muffled from between his hands. "How could I ever forget you?"

I smiled, then settled down onto my back once more.

"It's fine if you don't, too," I whispered, blinking my eyes to the bright room before me. "But don't let me hold you back from doing everything a normal person should. I think we're both too young right now, but you'll understand eventually."

"Then marry me!" Sebastian swiveled back to face me on the bed, but my eyes were still closed, and I was concentrating on breathing. "Say you'll marry me, and we'll forever have that to tie us together, even if you're not here!"

"Don't...be...ridiculous!" I wheezed back. "Why do you want to marry me? We're only just coming up to adulthood."

"I just want proof that you weren't all a beautiful, sad dream," he told me. "I want to know that I held you, and loved you. I want something physical to remind me of you."

I sighed deeply, considering what he'd told me. Then, I remembered.

"My most precious treasure is on the desk at my house, in the smallest drawer on the right. You can have that to remind you of me." It was a small silver bracelet which I'd received as a child, a memento from my father.

I'd always kept it safe, but I supposed that when I was gone, it would hold no value to anyone anymore. Only Sebastian would hold it, and treasure it like he had done with me.

It was tiring, keeping up this conversation, and I felt my body relaxing further as he talked to me.

"I'll keep it close. Always." He swore to me.

"That's a promise." I smiled.

My mind began going foggy, and my words slurred a little with fatigue.

"Sebastian, I think I need to sleep, and then we can carry on this conversation. Is that okay?" I asked, reaching out my left hand.

He clasped it once more, and kissed it.

"Okay," he swallowed, and a rogue tear fell onto my palm without him noticing.

"Goodnight, Alice," he spoke huskily, with sadness pouring from him like an untamed fountain. "I love you."

"I love you too. Goodnight; wake me up when it's time to leave." I forced my tired mouth to smile, and it turned up slightly at the corners.

"I will."

As he left the room, shutting the door softly, I only felt warmth gathering from the depths of my soul and it carried the lights of my life with it. There was no pain; no distress. It was like I was on a cloud, slowly drifting towards the inevitable sunset away from my life.

I thought about how much I'd seen, who I'd met and why I now felt so calm about the entire process of dying. It cocooned me in, slowly shutting away the questions which were left unanswered. But none of that mattered anymore; all there was was heat, and sun, and beauty surrounding me and carrying me somewhere.

I just have to let go, I told myself.

I closed my eyes slowly, easing them shut, and surrendered myself to the darkness.

"Goodbye," I whispered.

*******

Last A/N: Okay, so this story is now completed! A few have asked for a sequel but I'm not really motivated as I feel like this ended on a grand - if tragic - note.

What do you guys think?

As a first novel, this was really difficult for me to write. I was always thinking of the next step, the plotholes and the amount of you who probably cringed at me shipping Sebastian and Alice instead of Zoll and Alice, and trust me, if they had been together the story would have taken an even more dramatic turn(I was thinking of killing most of the characters off in that ending but I thought that would be too sad).

But alas, I made my decision and whether I do a sequel or not is really up to fate xD. Overall, this entire writing process was extremely fulfilling and I'm looking forward to taking forward you beautiful, dedicated and kind readers onto the next story, which will be a historical fiction(but not a generic one: I promise it will be totally unique! It's probably also way better written than this, which I may have to edit my arse off over the summer xD.)

Anyways, I really hope all of you enjoyed the story if you made it this far, and that if you ever want to achieve something, like writing a book or climbing mount everest, you go and do that! Nothing can stop you.

If I don't write an acknowledgements, I just want to say thank you everyone so so much, this has been fun and took my mind off of really stressful exams.

Anyone who wants to suggest a book they'd like to read can ask me about it: don't be shy!

Have a great day everyone:

Kat x