Scrape

36. Iris

"I just remembered something," I told Sebastian as we walked together out of the church, hours after our encounter.

"What is it?"

I had flashbacks to the moment we were in the sauna room at the academy for the first time. They hit me hard, like large stones rolling down a hill towards a precipice, then falling down, down into the dark corners of my mind, enlightening me.

Fear. Desire. Pain.

I slowly recounted when Luke held me, and I replayed Sebastian's loss of control.

He was vulnerable.

He held my hand as we descended the steps away from the holy monument, blissfully unaware. I gripped his hand tighter to prevent it from shaking.

"You,"  he raged, looking directly at me. "This is your fault."

Why? Why now, of all moments did I remember this? I peeked at Sebastian through the half-curtain of my hair, breathing deeply.

"I like that expression on you," he murmured against my neck-"

Luke. He'd known the whole time that I had done that with him; that complete dick! And yet, he appeared unfazed. How dare he?! Was this funny to him or something? Next time I encountered him again, I would wrench his head from his spine! After all, he was in on the entire ploy. My face grew red remembering the moment I'd walked in on him with another girl. Were humans indispensible to him, and was he really a heartless playboy?

Something cut into my thoughts, interrupting them.

"It's how I stay alive," he suddenly rasped hoarsely, holding me tighter, "because without it, I'd be vulnerable. And I hate that."

I gasped, and Sebastian gasped with me.

"Alice. Alice? What's wrong? Are you okay? You're hurting me."

I looked down to see that my knuckles were clenched around his so tightly that both my and his hands were turning white. I released his hand, shaking mine out casually before returning it to my pocket to protect it from the cold.

"Hahaha," I laughed airily. "I just wanted to test your strength," I dismissed my actions carefully. "Sorry about not warning you beforehand!" I laughed once more, smiling at him.

We had reached the edge of the graveyard by now.

"You know," he began," You're a really strange girl, Alice."

I beamed as brightly as the lamps which chased away the gloom at night.

"Really?"

"Yes," he thoughtfully responded, reaching out a hand to run it under a lock of my hair, watching it spark red in the fast-approaching light. "Very strange."

"You know, you're not the first to tell me that," I told him, as tumultous emotions began swirling in my stomach: should I confront him about the past, or let it go?

Everyone had secrets to hide, after all.

I shuddered.