TØP Imagines

Breaking Down and Making Up-Josh x Reader

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS SUICIDE AND SEVERE DEPRESSION. Please stay safe.

Another supa lovely (and long) chappy by @echoingangel since you guys wanted to know what happened in the last Josh x Reader chapter :-) Also, short kinda news letter at the end. Enjoy!

"Joshua Dun, I swear to god -" You yell. You aren't facing him. You're pacing back and forth, stretching your arms behind your head, drumsticks in hand. You're twirling them around and around.

"Fuck this!" Josh yells, equally as loud. You stop walking and close your eyes. "Fuck this! Fuck you! Fuck Tyler! Fuck Jenna! Fuck me! Fuck trying! Fuck everything!" He continues. You hear something collide with the wall, so you open your eyes, looking to where the sound came from.

One of Josh's drumsticks was now rolling on the floor. Josh pushes past you, storming out of the bus and slamming the door behind him. You want to scream in fury, or throw something. So you chuck your drumstick into one of the beds. You begin pacing again. Back and forth, once. Before stopping, and breathing.

"For fucks sake." You mutter, going out to follow him.

The second you leave the bus, Tyler grabs you from around the waist, pulling you back into the bus. "Jenna is talking to Josh. You're talking to me. What the hell is happening with you two?"

"It's normal for couples to fight, Tyler."

"You've been fighting more than normal."

"Josh said that?"

"Yeah. Why are you?"

"Because we're frustrated! We never get to see each other, and when we do, we fight. Or we are just upset the entire time. I love him, and I love our relationship. But, damn, it's difficult sometimes."

"I understand." Tyler says. "I remember how much I hated leaving Jenna. I hated it with everything I had. But I loved touring."

"Exactly. And both Josh, and I, love touring."

"(Y/N,) you want to stay with Josh, right?"

"Of course. I love him more than anything in this world." You turn to Tyler, "I worry about him. A lot."

"Maybe you should be talking to Jenna."

"Hm? Why?"

"She used to text, or call, Josh every day to make sure I was okay. There was no break."

"You don't mind if I do that, do you?" You question. Tyler smiles and shakes his head. You can't help but feel a little relieved.

"(Y/N,) remember when you were on tour with us for a week or so, and you and Josh got those tattoos? The little heart ones?"

"Yeah." You respond, running a hand through your tangled hair.

"You were going to ask me about something before the wedding. Do you remember what that was?"

"Yeah." You reply. Tyler is silent, signaling for you to continue.

A part of you doesn't want to explain to Tyler what happened. It scared the shit out of you, and it scared the shit out of Josh. You don't want to scare Tyler. The whole thing was emotionally draining. Every time you tried to talk to Josh about it, he'd shut down and refuse to begin talking. In fact, it had evolved into what most of your fights were about these days. You caring too much, and Josh refusing to open up just a little bit more.

"Y/N?"

"Sorry, I was just thinking. Um, yeah." You swallow hard before continuing, trying to remove the lump forming in your throat. "This is really hard for me to explain. So..." You trail off, taking a few deep breaths to try and compose yourself. "Fuck, okay. So, before the wedding, about a day or so before, I was sitting with Josh -"