Limerence | A James & Lily Story

Anything

     "What does it matter?"

     "James," he warns in an uncommonly serious voice.

     "Look," I say, wanting to drop the conversation. "It does't matter, and It's not a big deal. Just let it go, okay?" 

      Lily refuses to look at me through Herbology, and I try and force myself to feel the anger that seethed within me earlier. But, it's as if it's evaporated right out of my system. I feel like I've hurt her somehow, but I have no idea what I did. 

      "Moony," I whisper leaning towards my left. He looks up, raising his eyebrows silently. "What'd I do?"

     Remus rolls his eyes. "Ask her, if you want to know so badly." Thanks, Moony. I turn back to see Lily staring at us, but she turns away before I can say anything. 

      Later that night, as I make patrols I think about Lily. How much her words stung. How much it crushed me that she thinks so little of me. I thought about all the girls I had been with. It's not like we ever did anything, and Lily knows that. I could never be in an actual relationship because it was impossible to ever get Lily out of my system. I could never be a girl's boyfriend because I didn't belong to her, not really, not the way a boyfriend should belong to his girl.

      "Hi, Stranger," a voice echoes through the corridor. I turn to see Jenna strutting towards me with a knowing smirk on her face. 

      I plaster a smile to my face. "What are you doing?"

      "Looking for you, of course," she says grinning, stopping when she reaches me.

      "You found me," I try to match her playful tone, but I don't think I succeed.

       "Come with me," she says, blue eyes shining, stretching out her hand.

       "I'm patrolling," I say lamely, running my fingers through my hair.

        She leans in, putting her lips next to my ear. "I'll make it worth your while," she whispers. It sends a shiver through my body.

        I lean away and look at her. She's hot, there is no denying it. With blue eyes, dark features, and a tall frame, she is the exact opposite of Lily. But, she is nothing compared to gorgeous, radiating Lily. I know I should feel an attraction towards Jenna, but I don't. And that annoys the hell out of me. Why Lily? Why does she still have to hate me?

       Against my better judgement, I take Jenna's hand, letting her pull my through the castle. We reach the astronomy tower. I stay silent, knowing what this tower is used for a lot of the times. She smirks at me, pulling me up the stairs to the very top. 

      When we reach the tallest point in Hogwarts, she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me in. Her lips are on mine before I can protest. It shouldn't surprise me that she is kissing me. This is the astronomy tower. I came up here with her. But, as soon as she's in my arms, I feel the urge to push her away, the need to have someone else in my arms.

       I ignore the longing for Lily because there is no point. She doesn't want me. She never will want me, so I need to get over her. I push Jenna against the wall, deepening the kiss. Forcing myself to feel something, to feel anything. Even as Jenna moves her lips to my neck, letting her teeth graze my skin, I still wish it was Lily.

      I feel the frustration rise in my chest. I take Jenna's face in my hands and press my lips to her's savagely. Dammit, James, feel something. Forget Lily. Feel anything for someone else. I move my hands to Jenna's waist, grabbing fistfuls of her uniform. Feel something, James. I move my lips to her neck. She moans, moving her hands to my shirt.