Once Again

14

His hair, his eyes, his lips, his body, fucking hell just him.

It made Cas' head swirl with the thought of how much he missed his boyfriend.
They were still together weren't they? It wasn't like he'd broken up with him Cas thought through.

Cas missed his warm embraces, the sex, his body on his body, all the kisses they shared every day, going out together, sitting up watching Doctor Who and Orange is The New Black together at night. Binge watching their list of all the movies they had to see together before they died. Couply things. Even hunting together once in a while. Cas really missed all that deeply.

He sighed and looked up. He was just in time to catch the sun rise.. the beautiful, beautiful sunrise. All different shades of warm colours coming together as one in the sky. It was a great thing to witness.
He hoped Dean was seeing this sight too and maybe even thinking of him.

Cas wasn't stupid though - he knew Dean would be hurting right now (and quite horribly too) but so was he and at least now he would be safe, along with his brother, Sam.

That was what he had wanted all along, right? For the Winchesters to be safe?

Sam knocked and entered Dean's room, not waiting much longer than two seconds for a response..
Dean was staring into space once again.

"Hey, how you doing Dean?" Sam asked him quietly, moving himself over to his older brother.

Dean continued to stare into space but mumbled something about wanting to be alone and how he didn't need to be checked up on so often.
Nothing he hadn't said the last 3 times Sam had visited.

Truth was? Sam was both worried and scared Dean would try do something stupid if he didn't keep checking up on him. He wasn't prepared to take the risk. No way was he going to be giving up on his brother during this rough patch - no freaking way.

By the time dinner time had rolled around for the Winchesters, Sam had took it to himself to go buy some takeaway food - Dean's favourite in an effort to try cheer him up in any possible way.

He knocked on Dean's door, waiting a second for a response he knew he wasn't going to hear.

He went inside to see Dean sleeping, hands spread over his head and legs side by side.

Sam didn't know if this was the first time that he'd slept today or not but he did know that his older brother hadn't eaten a full, proper meal for a couple of days. Not that a takeaway was a proper meal but still.

Sam went over to Dean, brushing his hair from his face. He knelt down and shook Dean's shoulder. Gently at first and then a little harder. He stopped when he heard him groan, tiredly of course.

"Morning already?" he asked, eyes still closed.

"Nope, it's dinner time princess."

Another groan and pulling the pillow over his eyes.

"I got you your favourite Dean - burgers and fries from that restaurant you love so much and there's pie too! You can watch whatever you want on the TV if you want? We've netflix now on the main one downstairs you know?" Sam offered, hopefully.

"That's really kind of you Sam but I think I-"

"Need to be alone? Right, I got that the second hundredth time you told me. Just forget I even bothered okay?" Sam said, slightly pissed off but trying (not so well) to hide it.

Dean sat up quickly on his bed and took a good, long look at Sam. He was surprised he hadn't noticed before.

Dean was worrying the fuck out of Sam, you could clearly see it in his eyes. He was stressed out and scared for what was to come. He was trying so so hard.. And what did Dean do in return? Be a total dickbag.
Enough was enough he decided..

It was time for him to act like a brother again, not stay in his room moping all day about something he couldn't change.

Cas was gone -- he didn't know why but he was gone and if he wanted to come back he would. Nothing he could do could help that, Dean understood that now. He was ready(ish) to let Castiel go. Okay maybe it was bullshit, maybe he never really would be able to just let Cas and all of their memories together fully just go but it was worth a try -- for Sam at least.

"Y'know what? I think I will join you for dinner. Sounds great."

"Really?" Sam asked, in disbelief.

"Yeah! Sure why the hell not."

The smile on Sam's face and the pat on the back he received ensured Dean that he would be okay and that Cas would come back one day. He had to.

They sat together that night watching some Game of Thrones marathon that was on TV. It was a good distraction for Dean but not for long.
An hour into it and he had already started daydreaming, thinking about Cas and what he might be doing right now - not that it necessarily mattered of course, it was just something to think about.
His mind drifted to something he knew he shouldn't think about but yet couldn't help doing so.

He started to think about all the memories he had made with Cas, all the amazing times they'd shared all these years since he quite literally fell down from heaven for Dean. God, how much he missed that angel.

Sam glanced over at Dean to catch him daydreaming. He asked him what was wrong.

"I miss Cas, Sam. Do you think he's ever going to be coming back?"

Sam paused the TV and turned to face his brother.

"Of course he will. He's probably just going through a hard time and needs space. You know Cas."

"But we always went through all the crappy times together. The 3 of us."

"Maybe this time it's different seeing as God's in the picture."

"You think this has something to do with... with God? Oh Jesus, you don't think that God told Cas to stay away from me do you?"

"No no of course not" Sam lied.

"You're lying aren't you?"

"What? Pfft, no? What makes you think that?" Sam asked, his voice shaking with nerves and a little high pitched.

"You did that thing with your hair and your lips - you know the thing" Dean said, pointing at Sam knowingly.

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Really?" Dean laughed.

Sam didn't answer, nor did he need to now that the shit was up.

"What did he tell you? Please Sam tell me what he told you.." Dean pleaded.

There was no way Sam could resist not telling him.. he told him everything he knew... he deserved that at least.