My Crazy Love Affair (gxg)

Chapter 23

Upon entering the house I grew up in, there's this foreign feeling in my skin that seem to taunt my presence at this very moment. I feel so out of place.

The walls were littered with random photos of us growing up. Photos that somehow remind me I went through the phase where I was oblivious of the hurtful things life has to blow. A series of my life where I was happy and free of worry and complacent not knowing the truth.

Growing up with a loving parent was all I ever could ask for, they made felt loved and wanted. As a child, all I could ever care about is to play with my siblings and care much less of the outside world. I don't know when did I start to care about things that's been happening around me. I can't vividly remember when did I lost my innocence as a child. When did I got interested in knowing tings a child must not care about.

I guess it all started when I once heard them yelling about something serious and I heard my name. Eliza was, I think, 17 years old at that time. I was 4 years old, turning 5; merely understand what's going on. I remember them being so livid and she has this angry tone every time she answered back. Then I heard a slap that made me flinch from where I was. So i ran up to my room with my heartbeat nearly deafening me.

My fingers grazed at the photo of us, the three of us. Eliza was wearing her bikini and so was i, Colton was on his swimming trunk. It was taken from one of our beach outings and if I'm not mistaken, I was 7 years old back then, Colton was 3.

I was pulled out of my reverie when I heard a soft laugh coming from the patio.

"Mom?" I poked my head out and found my mom and dad having an animated conversation. In front of them was cup of coffee.

"Kirsten!" My mom's eye widen in surprise. "It's nice to see you home, sweetheart!"

I engulfed myself to a tight hug and sat down beside them.

"Are you gonna stay for dinner, sweetie?" My dad squeezed my hand. Trailing my eyes down to the hands who's gripping mine, I can see the fine lines and freckles that's gradually showing due to aging.

"Maybe next time, dad." I saw them frown in sync when I declined to spend some time. I really wanted to its just that I can't.

"Uh...mom, dad. I came here to ask you a huge favor." Keeping their words to themselves, I went on. "I wanna find him."

My body tensed when I sensed horror struck their eyes within the same second. My dad gulped audibly while my mom looked back at him wearing the same concerned demeanor. They both know what I meant when I said I wanna find him.

"Why?" They said in unison.

Scared to meet their gaze, I watched how their hands fit perfectly on each other and I can't help but smile on how affectionate they were.

"I just... I don't know. It's like a part of me needs to." I sighed unable to articulate how my feelings got meshed inside of my head. But there is this sense of permission that I'm longing from them before acting up on my decision. I wanted them to know first as per respect. I wanted to hear from them if I should do it or not.

"Sweetie, I'm not discouraging you or what, I'm just trying to protect you from getting hurt. If he wanted you, this was long over due, don't you think? I don't mean to hurt you as it is already but what if it's for the better you didn't know him at all." Dad was right. If he really wanted me, he would've knocked on our door but he didn't. It hurts but it was true.

"I know. I know, dad. It's just, I want find out myself. I want answers to my what ifs even if that means of me getting hurt in the process. I just feel like I need this." It wasn't any subtle how I conveyed my eagerness but not in a blunt way that it'll hurt them at the end of stick. I still had my silver lining though.